I have this feeling again
in myself that
"If I do finish myself,
A lot of people can be happier,
they can get through their day
better and wont have to deal with
my sadness."

Just this feeling tells me that
everyone i know of..
..is frustrated with me
and they want to lash out
but they know what could happen
so they are keeping their emotions stuck
inside as well

I also know about the amount
of bull crap and swearing
that I get for not listening to someone

and also the amount of respect
that I had

Wait.. Did I have any in the first place?

If i did...
..it doesn't vanish in a day now
does it?

People want me segregated
to be with the person of their choice
or for the person to be with them
and, I am told to move myself
because of inadequate space.

Since when did I become so bad.
That. I have no value.
WHEN!!!??!?!?

*Note: This poem was written a while back, I am currently out of depression.

Tell me your secrets.
Don't be afraid
People have done before
Its not hard
We are only going to talk..
about secrets

Everyone is welcome.
Because secret keepers need to.
So stop being a spooked
And talk.
*About secrets

It does. It does. It does.
You can't help it
You can only prolong it
I don't know why you would

WHY! Does it have to come to an end!

No matter the words i speak of
No matter what i would want

nothing getting accomplished
and nothing's going to be good

its a messed up world
with another messed up person

who can't think right
and cannot differentiate
the wrong from right

No matter the talks i talk about
No matter which scenes i play
cant dream.. so its invalid really

No matter the hymns
or the chimes of birds

No matter the flute melodies
or violin cries

No matter the world

------------------------------------------------------

bu­t worlds the matter
and i am unable to do anything

not able to talk
not able to do nufin!

God.
Nothing works
ughhh

Bad luck
bad luck
bad luck

that's what follows me around

death, suicide
sleep forever

****** my soul already

I am already sleepy
It's not even midnight
Lord Hypnos has already cast his spell on me
I am tired of staying awake
Can you forgive me?
That ways I can rest
*Peacefully

There stands a lonely warrior
Unheard of.
Unknown of.
On his ships mast on the Mare Nostrum

He dared to endure it.
He dared to land into the sea of the Gods.
He dared to fight back their demons.
On the cost of his life.

He was the most daring of them all.
He was the beginning of his kind.
His courage was unmatched. He was better than Ares, himself.
He was going to defeat those demons. NOW.

He would defeat them,
but not just yet.
First he had to go through the sirens.

Their beautiful music
ohhh, it would enchant any sailor.
His first test would begin if he could get past them.
Their music would tear his heart apart
and if he landed on the shore
He would be ripped apart.

Next would be a few water monsters
Hydras, few land monsters
Then the demons
He would be prepared for them.

HE would take them down like.. Julius drinking his wine
But until he reached them.
He had time
Time to *prepare himself for what lay ahead

Do so,
I require of you to
to keep me sane

Walk,
amongst the shadows
and feel the cold and haggard
air

Walk,
amongst the real humans
and feel warmth and joy
emanating
from their wonderful and perfect selves

Walk with me
please,
we can go on a journey
and...
maybe it'll help me
recover from the crazyness
and help you too...

Please, Walk with me
I require this of you.

I... lied
for the first time in my life
a true lie

I regret it
and want to cleanse myself of the guilt
and this horrendous evil

This time
my lie was not a deceiving answer
I saw the pity in her eyes
and I knew that she already had her information
she was trying to confirm it
and i lied.

I. lied.

I didn't even look at her eyes
Like i usually do
I just
looked down and around

She knows
She knows
She knows

I cannot hid it
the guilt will ****** me
but the lie

oh, such a stupid one

but the way she asked me

"is everything alright?"
It made me jump
I knew it would happen
I knew she would ask me
just
not come close and whisper with sympathy

I have never lied before
and this is the last time
i will lie

the guilt is unbearable
and
I cannot keep it from her
but also
I don't want to do anything stupid
but the only way to clean this guilty
feeling off

is to tell her
I will not lie
because the sympathy and kindness
reflected in her eyes so brightly
a quasar would be dimmer

oh, this guilt
it truly is the ultimatum
The way she perked when she saw me
close enough to come bounding to me
then to say a whisper and leave

that just killed me
i wanted to break down and cry my heart out
but i couldn't
not in that place


no..

Happy day, today is
Reminds me of myself  
fourteen years ago
being born in a hospital
idk
fun times
enjoying life
high school
tours of europe
having a blast with friends
unable to hold your excitement
for when you can drive
fun times indeed
and they call for a celebration
a celebration of a birthday!

Happy Birthday!

Enjoy it, and remember

"You only need to live once, but if you work it right, once is enough."
Mae West

I realized that
i am becoming this
attention requiring
love desperate kid

only because i am letting myself

what about those who do
love you? you are doing them an injustice

to those people
i know i am
i have messed up
so much of that
that i cannot face it
i cannot
which is why
....

Today.
I looked into some
Crystal clear blue eyes
Yes. They did remind me of you
But I decided not to dwell on that

And.. I have also realized that
Loving someone..
Isn't the same
I realize that you read
These well-penned verses
But, you are missing the point
These aren't all of my emotions.










just...
Most of them.

I open my laptop and type a few words
But they don’t fit even one bit
Tap, tap, tap, I delete the phrase
and I think as I sit how I **** at this ****

I can't find the letters that would work together
I try to say the things that I need to
but all that I write is as good as a broken kite
and I think as I sit how I **** at this ****

The lights glare around me and I try to focus on the screen
I lean on the soft sofa sitting so still
The words are just devils trying to **** they poke me with their horns and claws as they scratch me from hell
and I think as I sit how I **** at this ****

I spell out a rhyme and it just takes all my time
I might be my own worst critic but **** this **** is pathetic
the words are as bumpy and misshapen as guards
and I think as I sit how I **** at this ****

I work and work to no avail
I type a bit and then I stop and restart this cycle
click click click then delete, tat tat tat then delete, tap tap tap then delete and start over again
This is harder than making a dandelion turn into a roaring lion

I look around for advice and find someone to ask
I show my mom what I've written 'it's great' she responds
***** please I say nobody will be blown away
and I think as I sit how I **** at this ****

I focus on making the poetry about me
and some things come to mind and I begin to poke at the keyboard,
a blind man trying to make his way on a path
I look at what I've written and then I say aloud
aww **** its about a duck
and I think as I sit how I **** at this ****

We may never know
who people write about
and how they can keep writing
and
writing
and
writing

I know I write for someone
I also know the chances are
deathly low

But I still try
But I still try to reach the unreachable

And I can trust that you
the person reading my poetry
can understand and relate to
yourself and others
about changes

"What weapons may I use?"
He asked,
"Anyone and anything you like,
knives are in the front,
guns in the back"
He replied.

"Knives.."
"They are the sharpest,
can cut through steel."
"...knives..."
"Sir, I believe something is wrong.
Please..., be quick"
".......knives"

He said and then fainted
Shopkeeper put him on a bed
and found scars on the boy's arm
long scars,
going from shoulder to wrist..
..they were on both hands
and the part between the wrist and elbow
were scarred so bad,
you were scared to touch the skin
then.. it hit him
The boy wanted to run away
from this world
and he didn't know where to stop and lay his head down
and he had chosen the shop
to symbolize that it had given him
relief in times of stress and horrible emotions
he wanted to be back from where he started
thus, he had laid, fallen, while talking
and there was nothing that could be done

It's happening again
I am spiraling down
Feeling like I am losing memory
Feeling like being a useless
Oxygen consumer

It's happening again
My life being ******* up
Me going and knocking
On the doors I said I wouldn't

It's finally happened
I am there
Everything was blurry
But I am there

A child holds his father's hand
His little hands holding on to bigger ones
He is scared..
So young
Yet having to face such stuff..
As natural disaster

Having to go to school
And being as innocent as possible
Loving everything
But things change..
And so do people

Everyone I know
Has turned
Finding every possible chance
To take his/her revenge
Murdering in cold blood

But being innocent isn't the way to live
So I changed
And now..
I am *different

I need to stop thinking in fantasy
and stop with the books
they provide an escape
to a different reality
where everything is better and good
but it's only for a short time

Then..
I come back to my own reality
and cannot face it

The problems,
my dreams, which will never come true
they just become snow
and stay there forever
and it starts to get cold
and hurtful

I cannot keep living in fantasy
it starts to hurt
but fantasy is the only true
escape,

*its the only highway
that starts where ever you want
and goes where ever you want

Let's go
Let's get it going
We are en route to lovecity!!

Everyone loves each other there
and they enjoy it
Everyone's beautiful
Including you
Yes, you

Over there
In lovecity
I can be Romeo and you
can be Juliet
or any other characters from
a romance story

Over there
In lovecity
You can have dances
every weekend
to celebrate your love
and to celebrate the occasion

I feel dead with the pain
that i am going through with
no dreaming
no sanity
only pain
relentless and numbing pain

I am going dead
I am dying with this
just,
i don't want to die.

Its supposed to be beautiful
Its supposed to enchant you
and make you want for more

But.... *does it actually?

So here we are again,
sitting by our fireplaces
waiting for yet another story to be told
waiting for yet another mystery to be solved
a mystery of politicians corrupting the world
and while you are wondering the answer to the above questions
I will start the story for tonight....


This story begins from a myth that is made by the story tellers worldwide.
Its about cats...
If this raises suspicions then it will be all the more better.
Cats are the feline masters
Smallest in their family of cats
and the most agile pet they roam where it pleases them
but this one cat Oscar was very different
This cat liked to drink blood instead of the usual water
It killed more mice than ANY other cat in town
This was very strange because, well... its a house cat
House cats don't **** mice...


But because the cat loved blood so much,
It sometimes went out of bounds and killed a few humans.
And once a person saw him attack a human
He rushed to his help a little bit late
The human died on the spot
Though it was considered abnormal behavior
it was ignored.....


Months later people kept reporting being attacked by CATS
everyone who owned a cat was supposed to either exterminate it
OR
give it to the government
EVERYONE chose the latter thinking it would save their "precious" cats' life
Little did they know those cats would be used for experiments


Years later,
The Government published their article of "Why the cats behaved the way they behaved"
All the previous cat owners read it over and over
trying to console themselves saying - "It's just a disease, it's just a disease"
But the Government had forgotten to take ONE cat
The very cat that had caused this trouble
They had forgotten to test...
And it was this cat that managed to ask the other cats to help it overthrow the Government
because of its wrong publications about science on cats.
Their plan was almost immediately foiled because the cats were killed on the very day their plan was supposed to take effect.
and while this cat (Oscar) isn't remembered today
We need to remember him,
because he was one of the first of his kind of rebellers.
The first...

I let my friends cry
help them cry

depress them
everything but make them happy

i am a bad friend.

sigh.



I wish i changed some things
so i was better

Sorry for the lack of anything.
I am going crazy
you know
new year
and other fun stuff
:)



Enjoy your year










The page is 1/365
Write a new story worth reading. I promise it will be interesting, and also trudge through another year again, please. Don't **** yourself. I know i want to. But, again. I made it through you can as well. So, please. Go onwards to glory and live another year! *DO EET!!!