What is it I'm looking for today
Something that I'm not
Something that I wish I had
Instead of what it is I've got

If I had what I admire in others
Would I be happy then
Would that bring true satisfaction
To this shell that I'm residing in

Or would it be a false worldly peace
Just enough to blind the eyes
What is true to them, to me may not be
Nor what it is I need in life

So let me take this very day
And not wish for the could but grasp the can
Not looking for what it is I want
But look to who it is I am

Not one to visit graves
I find the dead poor company

I might look closer at the lichen
Or observe the yew tree canopy
Or read the names just to see how fashions change

But for those left lying there
I don't see them, they don't see me
One day I'll be like them
Scarce a memory

A Poem For Each Of The Boys I’ve Ever Loved

Ⅰ.
sometimes your scent travels in the wind,
suffocating me like a nasty perfume,
leaving me to wonder if i’ll ever forget your smell.

Ⅱ.
you wore the sweatshirt you let me borrow a few days ago
i mean, i don’t even think you remember i had it at all.
it was just another sweatshirt in your drawer.

Ⅲ.
your handwritten notes sit in neat pile next to my bed.
it has occurred to me that maybe thats the cause of my nightmares.
but really i think you’re the reason for everything and anything.

Ⅳ.
you have the prettiest eyes in the whole entire world.
im satisfied knowing i was once the reason they lit up so bright.
I’ll never let someone take the sparkle in my eyes away again.

Ⅴ.
we used to listen to music together and we’d laugh a lot.
you’d snicker at they way i lip sang to myself.
and id laugh because you really didn’t care i was a ******.

ⅤⅠ.

most of my days are spent wishing you were still here
you never really know how much you love someone
until they don’t love you anymore and thats a sick thought.


(ps, each of these poems are about you and only you and always you. i miss you. love always, the pathetic girl with a big heart and green eyes.)