It won't get any better.
It will only get worse.

When a candle is extinguished
it can be by a gentle breath,
a soft shimmer of sound
tendrils of smoke drifting upwards
it's scent lingering before the memory is erased.

or

It can be extinguished by suffocation
all the oxygen burned out and the flame
gone
without a sign that it was ever lit.

Laying in bed,
Starting to pray,
Trying to find the perfect words to say,
I stopped and felt God here suddenly,
Knowing exactly how I'm feeling,
And it's suddenly not irrational.
It all makes sense
And doesn't.
It's like He knows I'm missing you,
He respects it
And loves it.
He created me to miss you this way.

You make my day
Two hundred miles away.
I'm smiling to your corny texts,
Giggling to your message's melody.
But with hands coming together,
My skin aching for yours,
I'm waiting,
Waiting,
Waiting
For you to be here
Someday.

Death stands above me, whispering low
I know not what into my ear:
Of his strange language all I know
Is, there is not a word of fear.

I can't remember a time
That I didn't hear it or feel it calling out to me
Pulling me toward it.
Whatever it is it feels so natural
Like breathing.
I feel it in the autumn air
A sunset
A rip roaring fire across the sky
On a fall night
Where I stand
arms out
Hands Open
Head back
Barefoot in the sand
An ocean of time spread out in front of me
On the ***** of my feet
Savoring the feel of the wind in my hair
Laughing as I run down the beach
And I feel it
When the sky turns cobalt
And the stars show their face
Shining like jewels in the black abyss
And I feel it when Its raining
And I run outside
The thunder cracks across the sky
I feel it as the freezing water
empties across my body
In my eyelashes
Under my nails
Behind my knees
Down my hair and across my spine
The lightning flashes
For a moment
Time
Stops
And people don't see the broken girl I am
They don't see my empty heart
Or my empty hands
Or the nothingness I can offer to the world
What they do see Is a girl
with crazy hair like a halo of curls around my face
They see wild eyes and stretched out arms
An open mouth filling up with rainwater
Bare feet and pale skin
And they see the thing practically alive inside of me.
Its freedom
And its everything I long for as I become locked back up inside myself again.

Happiness isn't always clear
Different things work at different times
And the days I spend with my family
Are always good ones