my heart is charged up
but it goes flat so fast
my heart needs a workout
if it's going to reach
the mountain top
of success

i am in such bad health
you'd never think I was young
i am so mentally mature
you would never guess
that i was just 21 years

young mind with good knowledge
of how the world truly is
of how people truly are
you'd think i was older
but incredibly
i am young
free but
not wild

people think a lot, about me,
amuses yet destroys me.

you see my smile?
mm, not real.
it's a lie.
this is how I feel:

torn apart at the seams,
you can't help me,
permanently ****** up,
like the scars i bear.

my body looks good to you,
but it's disgusting to me,
fat, unattractive, hideous,
perfect is something,
that i will never be.

bruised, yes i am.
damaged? yes, madam.
broken, indeed.
worthless, yeah.
i should be dead.

tell me...

would you love me if i said
''shoot me with your gun,
make me hurt real bad''?

would you touch me,
if my scars were on display?
would you hold me,
and protect me?
would you?
because if you had scars,
i'd kiss them and you,
because you're my darling,
you're my boo, sweet you.

if i was the worst,
would you wait,
until the day,
i gave you,
my very best?

would you take a test?
to prove your love to me,
and set all of my thoughts,
and my doubt at ease?

would you prove to me,
that you're not like the rest,
that you wouldn't just leave,
because of a petty argument,
or a stupid disagreement?

would you stand by my side,
even if i was a mess?
if so, would you marry me?
please my love, say yes.

thoughts in my head
never go to bed
they remain
they stain
they ache
they hurt
they love
destruction
in the first degree
I wonder why
I'm so caught up
emotionally
like a snake bite
the poison sinks deep
it brings out
the best
but worst of me
it consumes my mind
leaves a mark
on my brain
where good
once was
in place

we're in this bitter battle
of broken feelings
that were only
trouble

i gave my life just
to see it burn
down to the ground
like a rotten house

honestly a matter of time
until i crumble and fall down
like a house of cards
i am unstable
because you are
what i call a devil
you're so cold
heart covered
in thick ice
how can you
breathe?

i still cannot believe
that we were once
on the same path

we had it all
but you let it
burn down
down, down
now my heart is frozen
from all the emptiness
broke me with time
perfect precision
like a knife you carve
right down on my heart
on my heart, my heart

i don't know where
or how to heal
from you
will I ever
pull through?

the oxygen
is very limited
vecause of you

(will i ever pull through?)

not sure what affects me most
my thoughts or my dreams

not sure what satisfies the best
lust, love, drugs, ***
or all of the above
or possibly you

women* who wear all black
lead quite colorful
interesting* lives

i feel like the worst
that's why i act
like i'm the best
to hide the fear
inside my heart

i guess i understand
why people walk
i'd do the same
if i was
someone
else

i don't know
why i bother
being 'happy'
all it takes is
one song
one note
and i'm back
to square one

my heart is empty
despite all the love
inside of it
but i'll never give
all my love does
is cause damage

i feel stupid
maybe i am
i just, just
don't know
myself

i dream of death
almost every night
the main reason
i can't sleep
or even
close
my
eyes

i always wake up
with one hell of a fright
this is worse than a nightmare
more like being in one of those
hostage camps of some sort
makes me afraid to be here
or anywhere else in
this scary world
where sleeping
can torment
a person's
well being