I have finally quit cutting
But I can clearly remember why I used to
And I can feel the urges to do so
That will never leave

I remember the first time
It scared me and hurt
I blamed the parallel lines
On a cat I didn't have

I didn't like it the first time
I don't remember why I did it again
For a while I never drew blood
I wish I had stopped at that

I quit many times
But with every relapse I got worse
They got deeper
I bled more

The red that dripped down my skin
Burning like lava on it's way down
A red river to show me
How worthless I am

They say time heals all wounds
But I'm left with these scars
These stories etched into my skin
From when I was at my weakest

I remember the last time
I only made one cut
But it was so deep
It didn't stop bleeding for days

It's been four months
And that stupid scar is pink and angry
That I had ruined
Another patch of skin

I understand what it's like
To be broken
And feel useless
To feel worthless

And that is why
I cry
When I kiss
Her scars

how horrifying it must be, if i ever lock you in the chambers of my wretched heart. you might expect the room to be crimson, but it will be ignited by warped blue pipes. lubdub lubdub as they threaten to burst and drown you in the colours of the skies. i imagine the skin by your lips loosen thread by thread before your jaws fall to the ground. how funny it will be when you can't speak after you find out the liquid that should taste salty like deep blue seas, or sweet like blueberries, is bitter like rusty metal knives. you never knew the taste of my blood on your skin, but now you will.

12:00a.m.: chimes of the clock. the walls heal and the blue liquid runs for the drains. everything will be back to normal. you must be confused how the room looks untouched and smell freshly built of bitter paint; well, thank this stubborn heart that heals itself every time it breaks. now count my heartbeats with your trembling fingers, will you?

12:01a.m.: the walls will constrict. this time the ceilings crumble and you shall scream as jagged pieces of debris hit. please remind yourself that those were ounces of my heart. if you look up the hole, you will see a crescent indent on my lungs, as it exhales dying stars. a sharp intake of breath and the nights skies will tumble into what seemed to be a black hole. darkness. you won't be able to see. you can't count my heartbeats anymore. but guess what, it's still beating.

3:30a.m.: blood-thirsty rats. lubdub lubdub. footsteps on the roof. lubdub lubdub; it echoes in the room. the walls start closing in. oh darling, have you ever heard of heart-wrenching stories? blue pipes will grow mouths and voices shall grow limbs. screams, cries, disapproval resonating in your little head. that's what happens in this living chamber; each pump brings disastrous outcome. i'm afraid you might go crazy, from what only goes on in this trifling portion of my soul.

now let me tell you something no one knows- my heart never stops; and my dear, i'm considering to let you in.

i stole six pairs of earrings today
while making small talk
in a jewelry store that caters to the masochistic
and now i am
pinning their wings up on my wall
to display the reward
of quick fingers
and plaster of paris smiles

i didn't even really want them
i took them from sets
i wanted to see the missing holes
and there was no bin to put them in
now i have little secrets
pinned up on my wall
they join others
that i took

i don't mean to steal things

I've broken into a new cycle. I am reborn with a chip on my shoulder.
This whole time I've run in circles searching for what is in my hands.

Territorial-I scream lung pinched showing off my k-9's chipped+sharp
It ain't my first night, but I've been blinded by hope. So blind.
Let us feast wine until your head is nodding
Warm until you're found wanting
Close enough to touch but not
I feel her breath burning hot
Hands dancing in the darkness
Eyes eluding contact
Fingertip contract
Lips

There were huge questions hanging before me
while I was strolling early morning in the park:
Why can't I get you out of my mind?
Why am I even in love with you?

It was his whisper that made everything clear.
The moon's embrace gathered more in gravity.
It was more than just a voice,
it was a soul reaching for mine.

It was his eyes that made me gasped for air.
They were telling me he loves me, it was real,
it was a fairy tale.
That every time I see them sparkle, I find my heartstrings
dance with glee.
That all the time I stare and blush, his secrets were revealed.
It was true love.

The smile he does kills me with butterflies.
That laugh he makes gives me such feeling sweeter than candy,
making me sure, I love everything about him.
Making me sure, he'll wait for me.

I wonder all the time if we are even real
He was too good to be true
A prince perhaps that came from the sun's magic
Am I princess now then? It's so unreal.

His hands were warm, his face is perfect,
every scar and imperfections were more than just it
I would leave a trace, and there memories are formed.
And those moments are left unsaid for they are just only
for us, just us. Love and forever.

When I was walking in the park, daffodils started singing
it was night then, the stars were staring at me.
They started to speak words my heart only understood
"He loves me, I love him, we are Forever"

And there I stood alone, asked myself again:
Why am I even in love with you?
And all these reasons are just nothing
for then I realized the real answer:

**I love you because of you. You alone.