The heart it has no pity on my body
If it had hands it would still reach for you
It aches as I sit in an empty classroom missing you
It aches when I wake up and you're not here
It aches when I come home and you're not here
It aches
It aches
It aches
I loved you even though you were already lost
I loved you and became lost myself
The empty gaping hole stings
And I desperately try to rub away the distress

The sin was in the way I loved you
Too much
Too strong
Too fast
I left no room for anyone else
I mourn not for loving you
But how deep I fell
How badly I craved
And caved
Gave every little part of me away

I hunger for normality
Just once
Just so I could feel it
Live it

Normal person
With a normal life
In a normal house
With normal people
Doing normal things

To normal people

This may sound boring

But normal to me
Sounds like a safe life
Day in, day out

What I'd do for a normal life

An ugly thing that makes you jealous of     another you

She deliberately hid her heart
Left pieces of it in different places
At the peak of mountains
At the bottom of a cliff
On the last page
Of the last book in the series
Entangled in the silence
Of the blank spaces of a poem
Where most were too weak to make it

You came
At a time
When I just needed a reason
An excuse to live
You became a beacon of light
On a stormy night
While I waded through the dark ocean
So I swam towards you
Like a pirate seeking treasure
And while you sheltered me
With the distraction
Of something new
A budding hope began to bloom
But when I opened my chest
I saw that your treasure had already been taken
Love is not always an exchange
So I gave you my heart anyway

Not for the first time
I tried to feel blank
To rid myself of the overwhelming sensation of dastard emotions
That wring you exhausted
I can't keep up with the swing of highs and lows
The fluctuation beyond control
Not for the first time I wondered
If the good of the highs was worth the badness in the lows
And that I'd rather not feel anything at all

Let it not be perfect
May we be flawed
And quarrel
Lest covet gazes linger

I am beware
Of aesthetic
Wary of too good
Being lost in the shout

Pray my love be private
Felt not seen
Hidden not absent
Whispered like secrets in the cover of night

Such ease
Such mercy
Belongs not on this land
I am scared of the illusion

Only in Eden
Should there be the love of heavens
Where no jealousy lies
Nor a grief in sight

I want to wake to disagreements
And fall asleep making up
I want ill planned good intentions
And of course a few ***** ups

I want to fix it together
Believe there's nothing we can't conquer
Laughs and tears
I want with you many many years

There may be a shaky path
But I want undoubted love
Trialling, testing but not a breakable wrath
Not one of dreams, I want reality love

Now that I look back
A feeling of daunting realisation sinks my stomach
Every incident you've ever told me about
I no longer see you as the victim
I wonder why I had so much sympathy
Now that you've done to me what you did to them
I think
Maybe it was you all along
Maybe you were the chaos
But I took you in my arms
Comforted you
And soothed your arrogance
Mistaking it for hurt

So who is the one at fault?
Now that I think about it
I was wrong about you all along

He wasn't the Yin to my Yang
No
We danced on eachother's toes
Everytime we were together
He pushed my boundaries
And drove me to the edge of madness
But I craved the competitiveness
Hungered for the challenge
I wanted to bathe in his sins and wickedness
Because there were times when we both wanted the same thing
Tame moments of looking into eachother's eyes and putting the darkness to sleep
There are times when being with him feels like being pulled out of the ocean
And seeing him makes everything else but us seem like a blur

Its an odd world
Full of all things absurd
Most of it obscured
Unseen and unheard

The man with a degree
Has more debt and less gain
Than the drop-out dealer
How insane

3 months later

He can feel the tears in her voice
And taste the pain in her words
See the ache in that smile
Through the phone

Just like his weakness are his best mates
Morgan, Jose and Jack Daniels
He's become her weakness
And so he must wipe the slate

He almost feels ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them you feel like nothing
Its better that he be absent

I remember a yesterday when I sobbed to be with you
Wept and begged to go home with you
For the universe to never let us part
Today it's the same eyes
That wet my cheeks
Because being with you hurts
So much it spills out without my lashes squeezing together

I tell you my body is loosening at its seams
I feel my youth leaving me
Was it your doing or was it fate's?
I was once as gold as honey
The same gold as wildfire
I am a book
Whose pages your have read over and over again

Her words were like teaspoons of ice
Which unhurriedly snuffed out the fire brewing within his chest
He fought back tears of frustration
As the desire for revenge filled his lungs
And painfully ripped through his jaw
The hands lazily ticked by unaware of their importance to deescalate the situation
The night cheered in manipulation
Providing security
Not secrecy
And so the devil hastened
Refusing to open the door to understanding
Pride stood blocking the entrance of dejection
Thoughts scattered in a volcano of hot anger
He erupted in a display
That only ever needs to be seen once
To have a reputation

My life is a viral plague of what could have been
Of doors that were never allowed to be opened
Long eternal hallways of regret
Of window shopping alternate lives
Role playing an imaginary fashion show
Trying on different careers, hobbies and languages
But never having the courage to do anything more
I've always peaked through cracked doorways
Fascinated by what lies beyond
All the opportunities
And possibilities
Allowing the thrill of an impulsive dream to wash over me
The excitement and adventure of something new
In stories where I am
Impulsive and spontaneous
Embarking on a journey of discovery
Of incredible secret potential
Thriving and flourishing
In a world of doors easy to open
Where the shadows in the rooms
Are not the grim reaper
Waiting for me to fall
Where the consequences I faught to overcome
Are not haunting taunts
I told you so
Or pitiful whispers
I told you so
Or arrogant cries
I told you so
There are countless frames of deceased doors
All of them have my footsteps leading right to the boundary
All of them have handprints
On every silver and gold handle
Each door has been firmly slammed closed
And I've been caught red handed

I'm firing my immune system
It fails at its job
Turns up late
Then has the audacity to be a slob

Last week a virus attacked
And my achy bones
Let me know that
Its defences were slack

Couldn't dodge the cold
Or dribble around the infection
It jumped right into the cough
And stood by as it got invaded

I was going to take it on holiday
But the parasites await
So I'm on the lookout
For a new immune system

At least a boost
Or maybe an upgrade
To protect and prevent
I need a new guard

Whilst I'm at it
I'll look for a new heart
This one causes havoc
And mocks my brain

Does as it pleases
Brings pain
As it pines
For what it can't gain

Maybe they just need to be trained

The sound of breath in your lungs pressed against my ears and soothed me
I closed my eyes and saw the shadows in your eyes speaking to me in a way that only a girl with shadows in her eyes could understand
There's something inside you that hides, curled and wounded
It's between our skin
Making me pay the price for something that came and settled before I did
It made me want to mouth your name to a God whose language you don't speak
That night I finally knew what to say
But you were not ready to hear it
Your fingers pressed into the notches of my spine
And I kissed you imagining you could lip-read my mind
Since then everytime you came to steal my breath and hold it in your lungs
I closed my eyes and let you be the surgeon

i.
When you told me life was hard
You said it was like
Trying to catch water
With your bare hands
And I thought
You are the water droplets
In a place where it never rains

ii.
When you told me
You would rather hibernate
And take a nap from life
I thought
You are the sleep
That eludes me
As I go from falling asleep
To wide awake
Within a matter of seconds
Because when you're here
I would rather be awake

iii.
When you're down
Looking through a pessimistic lens
Of a glass only half full
I drink all the water
Getting rid of the problem
And I would gladly drive
The karma bus
To show you how much worse it can get

iv.
I've heard your sob story
Moans and complaints
A million and one times
But not once have I seen you
Trying to change

v.
See the beauty in life
And capture it
Don't expect anything
And you won't take anything for granted
What you deem as an ordeal
Could be an adventure

If it makes you feel better
I would say sorry
I'll apologise on behalf of those whom I don't know
If it gave us peace
I would be the first to be held for the terror
But this world of ours
Is falling apart
The oceans are spewing bodies
And the sound of fireworks make me flinch
I am frozen in fear of whiplash
As I watch you cry on the t.v
My breath synchronises with the pants of your fear
They show belongings of victims as they raced for their lives
And I see a watch my brother wears
I see streets that I grew up in
I see people whom I feel nothing but compassion for
I want to hold you tight and rewind away the pain
I want to come and lay flowers where the blood of mankind is soaked into the sawdust
But will you accept a hug from a Muslim?
I want to tell you I love you
I want to tell you if I was there I'd like to think I could protect you
I would stand in front of the innocent
And spit at the gunmen in disgust
I would cry like a mother whose child had gone astray
I would mourn
The spawn of Satan
Has Islam not taught you anything?
I want you to know
That denouncing my faith
To make you happy
Will truly not make everything okay
For I will be leaving what taught me to love
And then what better would I be than our perpetrator?

I see humans
I feel humanity
I see a world not Syria or Paris

Somehow
Sometime
Somewhere along the way
Our relationship became sterile
And clinical
Formal and uncomfortable
I miss how we shared anything and everything
But now we hesitate to speak
Think twice before we type
And I wish I could pinpoint 
The exact moment when it all changed
I wish I had something to blame
Maybe it was time
Or it could have been distance
Perhaps it was another influence
The words seem forced and polite
From both our sides
One word answers
The conversation is over in minutes
We don't hold the same interests
I wish I could say what went wrong
Although I'm not sure even I understand
Maybe it nothing
But it feels like everything
Maybe it's the end of the road
And the rides over
It's time to get off and let go
Exit in single file along the yellow line
It's quite weird that I feel fine
No dizziness or sobbing
I see it's quite a mutual feeling
So farewell dear friend of mine
Lets part ways in convenience
Where staying together makes no sense
Let sweet things end on a bittersweet note
Yet sweet all the same

Step out into the depths of the night
Do it often
And watch yourself own it
Develop the ability to overcome fear
Night vision
You got this
Or stand back
And double lock your front door
Let it ******* you
Fear the dark
And all the monsters in it

In the C- section of 1990
You'll find me in the belly of July
Surrounded by the heat
Of dreams
I am still in debt
To the lessons of first love
I have yet to greet the pain of some wounds
And some I am still filling
My eyes are still observing abstinence
I am stuck in my mourning period
Let a moment pass
And let me think
About if I want to be ruined again...
When the casket of memories I have of her
is lifted from my mind
When the nights don't remind me of the promises we could not keep

Secrets of sins
Concealed within
Festering beneath my skin
Deceit and lies
All your faults I hide
Lips are sealed until I die

I wish you would stop revealing all your secrets for me to contain
I wish you would stop involving me in the shame

And I wonder if the Lord would understand
I wonder if He'd care that in your faults I didn't want to play a hand
I'm afraid I've ****** myself
Through passive acceptance

Back when everything
Seemed better when you were dizzy
But then that stopped working
So you sought a better thrill
Louder music
To drown it all out
But sometimes it isn't loud enough
Sometimes it doesn't work
Then you found the rush of love
Infatuation with another being
Someone to hold you
And make you peaceful
Putting truth in all the liars
Made you forget about the haters
Silent seeker
When you didn't want anyone to care
that's when they did
But nobody listened
When it mattered to you
So sometimes you don't know
What to do with yourself
And sometimes you don't know
Where to go for help
Sometimes you wish that
You could hide away
and hide away you did
Let it get you down
And life passed you by
Those dreams of
when I get older
Got older
and you stopped struggling
Waved your flag
And wasted a future
Paused on the past

How do I return the favour
And thank you my saviour
The relief you bestowed upon me
Took my grief
And gave me an answer
Engraved the path of my Lord
In my heart
Put the shine to the
Star of my fate
How do I compare
To the mercy you took
And the times you stood
Battled for my freedom
Mocked and ridiculed
Yet you strode forth
With love for me
Because I was amongst your people
The miracle of your gifts
Called upon to
Remove the blindfold of ignorance
Peace be upon you

It's a cold and lonely place
Hard and merciless
Unforgiving and cruel
But most of all numb
With darkness
No pain
No pleasure
Certainly not any care
We're like peas in a pod
But that's all we share

If I do not possess graduation certificates or a degree,
What do you think of me?
Am I illiterate, un-educated, or a drop out?
Perhaps a failure would be more suited?
I suppose you'd say it decreases my life chances of success,
With nothing to prove my intelligence,
I'd be a risk.
And if I told you about my passion, my dream, my determination,
Would it make a difference?
If I told you tests and assignments were not my suited measure.
But I could show you what it is
that I treasure,
What is it about that piece of paper, inked with words and letters,
that proves me to you?
Without it,
am I unwise, unskilled and talent less?
Ill-mannered, unkempt, and emotionless?
Knowledge can be gained without education,
Experience can be done without information,
Intelligence is not always academic,
And people can achieve through life without merit.

When the faithful
Became unfaithful
I lost faith

When the religious
Sinned irreligiously
I lost God

When lovers
Turned passion into hatred
I lost love

When death
Arrived early at the door
I lost life

What little I had left of myself
I gave away to you
But you lost that part of me too.

The soul it longs for completion
The heart has become a cobweb
On the bedroom ceiling

The time of migration is upon us
A time of pilgrimage
Travelled by millions in history of time

O son of Adam 
Go forth
And leave the world behind

Walk in the footsteps
Of the beloved leaders
A time to reflect and change one's life

Just for a while
We will take a break
And reconnect with our roots

Days governed by prayers
Spent in the Lord chosen way
You could never overdose on prayers

Deep gut wrenching agony
Pulled from the core within me
Its hard. It hurts.
Bursts of pain
Flood over
Into a thousand tears
And there's no sign of it emptying
Automatic refills
I didn't ask for any of it
Where do I withdraw
Back out and tape caution
Do Not Enter
There is no emergency exit
And I'm drowning myself
I guess I'll just wait it out
Till the tears overflow
No more sobbing
Lying curled up on the floor
I'll be forced to sit up
Waist deep
Stand up
Then shoulder length
And I'll be forced to swim
Float in a sea of misery
Beneath me
Until the salty tears
Becomes water that flows
Under the bridge
Giving way to where
The plenty more fishes would swim

We are like a pomegranate
Sweet sometimes sour
Slow to peel
Thick skins
Hard to digest
We come apart bit by bit
Gently
Lest we squash under the pressure
And all the lovely juice go to waste
There's so many seeds
Of love, care, secrets and doubts
So many fears
Grit between our teeth
Mother we are exotic
And foreign
Expensive yet stubbornly brown in the sun
Refusing to be sold
For price has no meaning
Loyalty does
We colour the ones who are worthy
Bold and bright
The hues of a rose

Dad promise me I won't die
She sobbed as her mother wailed in the background
He could not get home
He could not save her

Mom make them stop
It's too loud and I am scared
I can't feel my legs
Take this metal out of my skin

Oh Salma just close your eyes
Dream that you are a princess
And fly the skies
Rest in peace my child

The birthplace of saints
And the graveyard of angels
Nothing to see here
Just another dead Palestinian

Did we learn from ******
Would we allow another mass genocide to take place?
Stand up people and say
Not in my name!

Because until we do
You and I we are murderers 
As mothers watch the rain of bombs
And we sit at the dinner table as though nothing is wrong

Be critical
Search for the truth instead of being spoonfed
How do your actions contribute to bloodshed
Is your tax aiding war weapons

Of mass destruction
And is CNN reporting truth 
Unbiased and removed
True images polished with lies

Ethnic cleansing
Taking place right before our very eyes
We are not out for revenge or punishment
There are civilians on both sides

But injustice is wrong
And we cannot allow it go go on
Here on the ground in a war torn land
Israelians and Palestinians get on

Pain unites them
But who is fighting them?
Under political agendas
Peace will never embrace them

Master of my fate
Captain of my soul
Keeper of my dreams
Reliever of my woes

Giver of health
Distributer of wealth
Bearer of all news
Grant me only good

Maker of miracles
Turner of hearts
Keep this heart steadfast
On the straight path

Spriralling down profanity
Standing on the cliff of blasphemy
She looked for angels inside of demons
Where God's decree was nowhere to be found
She had faith in what she saw
Preachers and believers
Insolence and deciept
Their words of judgement reaching out to cage her in
Threatening punishment
Imploring her to forgiveness
God, there is sacrilege
This world is rampant with hypocrites
Her heart is full of your love
Yet desires the forbidden
The unsanctioned
It harms not a soul, not even her own
But holds her happiness down the one path
That strays just a little from the rules
God, who loves the impious preachers and believers
The patient and forgiving
Can these two paths not become one?
Where the blood in her veins runs by His decree
Every breath she takes is with His grace