Keeping secrets
You were always good at hiding things
Made me think twice about that wedding ring...
Turning away
Nervous laughter changing the topic
But your interest in my life was microscopic.
Honey how was your day?
Today
I saw you holding hands with someone that wasn't me.
Yes. I know you'd never betray
There is a good reason
and my heart defends this treason.
My eyes overruled in disbelief
as I watch you smirk in mischief.
I'm falling trap to your charms,
Overlooking flaws
and willing to risk that pain
Hoping my love will change
your ways.

You came into my life temporarily
And I still gave you pieces of myself
Knowing that when you'd leave
You would take me with you

I wonder how many years worth of prayers are stuck on hospital room ceilings
A thick layer of souls lost like a language no longer spoken
I am drowning in the things I never got to tell you
Your last words are stuck in my throat
And I am haunted like a house by a ghost who once called me home
I feel the pull of the ocean to the tide you have become

I poured red bull into my coffee this morning
Now I listen to the sounds of colours fade 
And I'm not sure if life is making sense
Or I've lied so much I'm just starting to believe my own *******
So take me to the mosque 
I want to pray 
Offer me redemption 
And I'll take it
Take me home 
I want an ice cream sandwich 
I want to take a nap
I'll watch life is beautiful 
And cry at the subtitles
I want to speak Italian
And turn this into a game 
I want to wake up tomorrow
And start all over again

It's hard to explain
When I don't understand it myself
But my heart mourns
That which it never had

I miss what was not mine
From the stories I heard
Of the personality you had
My over active mind

Conjures up experiences I've never felt
I swear I've met you
A few nights when I closed my eyes
We conversed beliefs and talked all night

Long after I opened my eyes
You stayed with me in the lull of life
I loved someone I never knew
To this day

My fate I rue
For I wish I had known you
Met such a wonder
Had you been in my life

It would have been a blessing

My knees kissed the ground
So many years of ignorance
And it was the first time God spoke to me
I held onto you
Both arms and legs
Wrapped around like I could hold you
Tight
Close
Forever in my arms
As long as I could feel you
You would be here with me
I buried my face into your hair
Let my lips touch your neck
I squeezed you and felt you burrow closer
Your fingers pressed into my back
I felt your soft shallow breaths in my ear
We left no space for anyone to come between us
To try and part us
Until you became limp like a ragdoll
My lips felt cold against your skin
I felt heavy with dead weight
Your name poured out my eyes
Then they came to take the body away
And you slipped right through my fists

God

He must exist
You were mine
But you always belonged to him

Sunset a territorial red
They cried their faith into the ground
This be the blessed end
A symphony of death echoes around
Shells glide through tearing skin
Like a bow against a violin
The orchestra performs the percussion
Deafened by the snare drums
The sound is seen not heard
In the ricochets and trembling of the skins
Lured with horrifying compulsion
Fascinated at the destruction
Such is the production mankind has conducted
The end may be blessed
The end may it come
And look favourably upon the suffering man

Trace these fingers
On the scars etched into skin
This past
Is now a work of art
Its the mystery
That leads to
An interesting conversation
These are survival wounds
The rough bumps like medals
Worth more than bronze silver or gold
It's a Bafta
The lifetime achievement
And each story
Is the best-seller
Worn with honour and pride
Each stitch represents
Bravery and strength
You stand
Tall and powerful
Undefeated
Meet the gazes head on
And use your past
As the exciting build up
To the ******
Be the idol
To create your own unique blend
Of perfection
Perfection with an art of scars

The insomniac had a dream
The butcher fell in love with a goat
And the pauper begged for riches to leave for he had a mango dried voice and a sunflower for shade
The bartender was as sober as a priest
But his cup was filled to the brim not to be seen empty

The doctor had a dream
Pain had mercy
And God had time
Bandages wrapped souls tightly
To the bed, to the table, to the handle on the door
To the hand clamped to theirs
Anywhere to keep them here

I tell you
I dont know who I am anymore
I tell you I'm a stranger
Taken over by an imposter
This body doesn't fit into mine
Its hijacked my mind
I tell you
I don't know who is in control
But it's not me
I tell you
I'm scared
Because people can't tell the difference
I tell you things have changed
Even though nothing has
I'm telling you I'm not happy
I haven't been for a long time
I'm longing for a change
For something to arrive
What it is I'm not sure
Just that my bones hurt
And my eyes can't rest
My blood hums in anticipation

Dare to DREAM
And go on a whim
Trust and hope
Sink or swim

Dare to FLY
And see your wings
Land on a cloud
Guarantee a win

Dare to HOPE
And take aboard
Believe in life
Struggle and strive

Dare to LOVE
Give and take
Honest and sincere
Be endeared

My name melts on your tongue
As it rolls and sizzles
You hold it like a pearl
It's shell, your mouth

Your name
It dances with angels
And silences my demons
I hold it like a shield

A litany of prayers
A synonym of belonging
Like the warmth of the sun
The blooming of a bud

To my mother,

May God save you from ever being helpless
For ever having to rely on anyone for anything
May God grant you great health, every happiness and ease from financial burdens

You are an angel
A woman of countless talents
A woman surrounded by thankless people
A woman who is selfless

You are
The glue in the cracks
The respect he doesn't deserve
The cook, the nurse, the finance manager

You are a defeated fighter
I've seen people tear you down
Stab you with their words
Bury you with their bitter twisted lies

But when those very people ask for your help
You've tirelessly helped
The very snakes that robbed you of your smile
You have a heart of naivety

A mind of forgiveness
An unbreakable belief in innocence
You've always been an easy target
And I hate that part of you

I admire that part of you

Your belief in God unshakeable
Your patience is endless
Even if I pray that God exacts your revenge
I know you will feel pity and pray for them

He saw her in the line
Approached her changed form
And spoke those words
"I know you from somewhere"

Immediate recognition darkened her face
And she shrank away
Shivered as though a bad memory
Had walked over her grave

"I'm not like that anymore" she whispered and turned her face
But like a dog with a bone
He wouldn't let her go

Opened up a healed wound
Wanting her to lose control
Like lighting up a firework and asking it not to go off

A nervous sweat broke out
And she shook with fear
Of her past spilling over
And spoiling everything she now held dear

The lies she'd sewn to cover
Slips of the mouth submerged in a cough
Were erupting, bubbling and frothing
Like suicidal poison

"Please" her plea rang out
And he took pleasure in her weakness
Showing she was desperate
That he could make or break

And easily decide her fate

You are like a viral infection
That just won't go away
My heart heaves
Like there's a bird in my ribcage
It's soaring upwards aiming to release through my throat
Forcing me to stifle the words that want to escape
I'm falling in the dark
But does it matter if I'm blind?
You're no good for me
I can feel myself fall
From God's graces
With you I am alight and it doesn't hurt
But when you're not there
I wash myself several times
The smell of guilt seeps from my pores
And I know that you're not mine
The skin which you worshipped
Burns in shame
I can feel my heart ready to burst
Out of pain
But mostly fear
Of the wrath of karma
That will surely lick the heels of my fate
The curse of a woman whose been defamed
If this is the nature of mankind
To crave the poison for ones own destruction
Then oh how I wish, you truly were poison

i.
When you told me life was hard
You said it was like
Trying to catch water
With your bare hands
And I thought
You are the water droplets
In a place where it never rains

ii.
When you told me
You would rather hibernate
And take a nap from life
I thought
You are the sleep
That eludes me
As I go from falling asleep
To wide awake
Within a matter of seconds
Because when you're here
I would rather be awake

iii.
When you're down
Looking through a pessimistic lens
Of a glass only half full
I drink all the water
Getting rid of the problem
And I would gladly drive
The karma bus
To show you how much worse it can get

iv.
I've heard your sob story
Moans and complaints
A million and one times
But not once have I seen you
Trying to change

v.
See the beauty in life
And capture it
Don't expect anything
And you won't take anything for granted
What you deem as an ordeal
Could be an adventure

It's hard to explain
when I don't understand it myself
but in this story
I miss you like you're not already mine
and my heart feels like stone
as though you're not wrapped tightly in my arms
I miss you so much it hurts to breathe
in this story it feels like I'm watching you through a telescope
from afar
gazing at you through a busy array of stars
I'm in the dark
longing to be besides you
the brightest light
I smile and you smile back
I wish you were here

If it makes you feel better
I would say sorry
I'll apologise on behalf of those whom I don't know
If it gave us peace
I would be the first to be held for the terror
But this world of ours
Is falling apart
The oceans are spewing bodies
And the sound of fireworks make me flinch
I am frozen in fear of whiplash
As I watch you cry on the t.v
My breath synchronises with the pants of your fear
They show belongings of victims as they raced for their lives
And I see a watch my brother wears
I see streets that I grew up in
I see people whom I feel nothing but compassion for
I want to hold you tight and rewind away the pain
I want to come and lay flowers where the blood of mankind is soaked into the sawdust
But will you accept a hug from a Muslim?
I want to tell you I love you
I want to tell you if I was there I'd like to think I could protect you
I would stand in front of the innocent
And spit at the gunmen in disgust
I would cry like a mother whose child had gone astray
I would mourn
The spawn of Satan
Has Islam not taught you anything?
I want you to know
That denouncing my faith
To make you happy
Will truly not make everything okay
For I will be leaving what taught me to love
And then what better would I be than our perpetrator?

I see humans
I feel humanity
I see a world not Syria or Paris

You fell in love 
With a charade 
Even her honesty was fake 
And everything else she said was a lie 

You fell in love 
With someone who said they don't care
She said she couldn't care less 
But really that's all she ever did 

You fell in love
With a laugh and a smile 
A carefree style
But she's the saddest person you ever met in your life 

You fell in love 
With someone who talks until her mouth is dry 
A chatter-box you find amusing
But she just hates being lonely

You fell in love
With someone who hides things well
Puts on a brave face
And tears herself up to keep everyone else whole 

You fell in love with a
Genuine liar

Dad promise me I won't die
She sobbed as her mother wailed in the background
He could not get home
He could not save her

Mom make them stop
It's too loud and I am scared
I can't feel my legs
Take this metal out of my skin

Oh Salma just close your eyes
Dream that you are a princess
And fly the skies
Rest in peace my child

The birthplace of saints
And the graveyard of angels
Nothing to see here
Just another dead Palestinian

Did we learn from ******
Would we allow another mass genocide to take place?
Stand up people and say
Not in my name!

Because until we do
You and I we are murderers 
As mothers watch the rain of bombs
And we sit at the dinner table as though nothing is wrong

Be critical
Search for the truth instead of being spoonfed
How do your actions contribute to bloodshed
Is your tax aiding war weapons

Of mass destruction
And is CNN reporting truth 
Unbiased and removed
True images polished with lies

Ethnic cleansing
Taking place right before our very eyes
We are not out for revenge or punishment
There are civilians on both sides

But injustice is wrong
And we cannot allow it go go on
Here on the ground in a war torn land
Israelians and Palestinians get on

Pain unites them
But who is fighting them?
Under political agendas
Peace will never embrace them

How can you miss me
When I've been right here
And you are the one
Who went missing

My heart recruited you
Showed you affection
We got along with ease
Like we'd known each other in another realm

The realm of souls
And mine was inclined
To the righteous in you
The good had kept us bound

There were too many coincidences
That had to mean something
Like a soft rain of post it notes
That stole my attention

All for one
And one for All

Ahad!

       Ahad!

Came their crying chants
Strong and loud
They bellowed
Even as men bled into the ground
Fear not they remain strong

               Ahad!

                       Ahad!

Outnumbered by hundreds
Yet they persisted
And strode forth
The earth returned their shouts tenfold
As the voices echoed back
From the mountains
Down from the heavens

                          Ahad!

                     ­               Ahad!

Victorious in their unity
Strength was their belief
They rose declaring truth
Mission liberation
Shall one day be complete

                                             Ahad!
                                    
                              Ahad!
                  
             Ahad!

Rockets may fly above them
But the Lord is all mighty
So strive against oppression
Corrupt rulers
And colonialisation

                   Ahad!        

          Ahad!

  Ahad!

Fight like servants
And die like martyrs
Fight to protect
And serve to uphold
The honour of your brothers and sisters
        
                        Ahad!
              ­
              Victory shall be yours
           And rewarded you will be  

                        **Ahad!

Come now
The last night is fast approaching
The curtain is falling
I wait for you this time
It’s the last hour
The last night
The last time
Come now for the sake of God
It’s the last breath
I will spend
Asking you
Don’t be late
Not now
With the last breath you have left
My friend come to God
Before you leave me bereft
From my lips to yours
I beg that my plea is heard
Repent
Ask for forgiveness
Ask for the one who can save you
I promise
He won’t ever turn away from you

Your friends
They came
Washed your body
Shrouded you
Stayed for your burial
Drank a shot or two in your name
And left again
Who cares after
The last breath is taken
They organise your last event
And there’s nothing left to say

You didn’t listen to me
Whilst you lived
And life betrayed you
To the people of this world
I salute you
Tomorrow I too
Will bid you farewell
And depart on
My last journey

Its an odd world
Full of all things absurd
Most of it obscured
Unseen and unheard

The man with a degree
Has more debt and less gain
Than the drop-out dealer
How insane

3 months later

He can feel the tears in her voice
And taste the pain in her words
See the ache in that smile
Through the phone

Just like his weakness are his best mates
Morgan, Jose and Jack Daniels
He's become her weakness
And so he must wipe the slate

He almost feels ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them you feel like nothing
Its better that he be absent

The people as a whole
The people of unity
The people of solidarity
The people want security
We want free education
Or at least affordable fees
We want a future
Un-burdened by debt
Jobs to be created
We want equality
Diversity
Privacy
The people want
Peace
Say no to war
We want safety on the streets
The people want stability
We want prosperity
The people want honesty
From political parties
We don't need global *******
We don't want weapons of mass destruction
We the people
Want back the dream
Give us back the right to dream
Or make it so that
The dream would be inadequate
Because with eyes wide open
Dreams would be alive

You've got a small heart
Sensitive and emotional
I can't even joke around
You take everything as personal
Can't even say the truth
Its too real to be acceptable
So what if everyone is thinking it

You've got a small heart
Low self-esteem to go with that
Always on defensive mode
Carry on like that
And you won't get far
Getting offended
About some stupid silly remark

You've got a small heart
No one's out to get you
But you have a problem with them
Wanting to be centre attention
You've got a small heart
Widen your horizon
And be tolerant
We all come with opinions

She stood in the courtyard
And signed her breath over
To the shadows where her heart now resides
Beneath the stars
Her hopes buried
At the graveyard where she met God
She promised Him coins at the wishing well
And sacrificed all her wealth
Begged for the sake of love
If only He would listen
Life was His to give
But it was snatched before she was willing
Wondering aimlessly down the boulevard
Welcoming the unsympathetic burn of liquor down her oesophagus
Why was she given what was not meant to be hers?
A day of motherhood
Then a lifetime of pain that will never be filled
How can she breath
How can she live
Away from her child
Who turned all that she knew into a stranger

You make me soft
Make me melt into a puddle
Make me a ******* before you
You make me feel

My heart squeeze
At the thought
You make me alive
Make me real

Make me angry
Make me happy
Make me feel it all for you
You make me sad

When you go
Make me solid
Make me unmoving
Unchanging

Make me stone
Make me cold
Make me stop
Make me what I used to be

Helplessly prostrated
A head hung in defeat
Heart filled with unspoken requests
Like taboos too scared to be let out into the open
Lest one expects too much
Wishes and desires
Dreams and miracles
All the impossibles
And more than I could deserve
Oh Lord
This life longs to go home
Slowly and painfully weaved destiny
With ditches that were filled in
Bit by bit
Your remembrance like a soft breeze
Caressing soothing
Floating distressed dishevelled
Disappointments away
And really now I see
I believe
In reasons and purpose
And the best You wanted for me
I feel the mercy of thick skin
No more sensitive cry myself to sleep
No shocks or hidden surprises
I've been at my lowest
Now nothing fazes me
Patiently slowly
I feel a drizzle
The rain of light
And I feel myself float towards You
Drown me in Your mercy
Set aflame the desire to seek Your approval
Your Love is an empty kind of full
Everything slips through these fingers like soft silky grains of sand
But I know the desert is mine
And this world offers a life of craving to feel full
But empty is all we really get
I am a free slave of my own submission

I could smell your intentions a mile away
That vulnerable look
Eyes gone rogue
Invited me to take part
With a crooked step forward
You spun your story
With a tilt of your lips
Eyes captured mine
My ears captivated by your tale
My lips bound by social contraptions
To not move
Not be rude
Listen to the breakdown
The usual underlying theme
But different all the same
Loneliness
Loss
Then you get to the point
What I like to call the cliff hanger
You want me to hang on
To be the saviour
To lose yourself in me
And yes I can talk to you late night
All night long
But even two strangers will talk to eachother out of loneliness
And even if I can understand you
That's not what you need
Because even two homeless people
Can understand eachothers hunger
But they don't have the ability to feed

You are not scared of the dark
You're scared of the shadows
It's a fear of the unknown
And that's pretty normal

You are not afraid of heights
You're anxious of falling
And it would be kind of stupid if you did
So that's pretty normal

You don't hate love
You fear not being loved back
Humans are not lone creatures 
So it's pretty normal 

It's not that you are scared of trying again
You just don't want to fail
For the same reasons 
So that's pretty normal 

Im scared of not being in control
Afraid of not having options
She's scared of spiders
We are all afraid of something

So she's a chicken if she doesn't jay-walk
And he lost the dare for excessive shots
We are not afraid of dying 
But rather we fear what comes after?

That's pretty normal

She ran with fury at her feet
Like ghouls chase her
Her punches diligent
Sharp words nipped my skin
Her eyes shot daggers
This girl
Was a force to be reckoned with
Sky high walls of indifference
She protected herself like a maximum security prison
But at the bar
I'd seen the silence
Race down her cheeks
I saw the way she pulled her sleeves over her fingers
She hugged me tight
Then turned away like a stranger
Her eyes skimmed over to me
One last time
And I stood alone
Staring after her
Like a devotee in the wine cellar
So I drank
Like a ruined man
A man who set himself on fire
Made an enemy out of everything that was not her
I drowned myself in liquor
Until death came knocking
But even that couldn't pull me away
For she sat in every vein

Secrets of sins
Concealed within
Festering beneath my skin
Deceit and lies
All your faults I hide
Lips are sealed until I die

I wish you would stop revealing all your secrets for me to contain
I wish you would stop involving me in the shame

And I wonder if the Lord would understand
I wonder if He'd care that in your faults I didn't want to play a hand
I'm afraid I've ****** myself
Through passive acceptance

When there is more
Sincerity
And honesty
In kisses at the airport
Than in wedding halls
C'est la vie
When poison
Smells like roses
And the poor
Drink it like wine
Seeing no other way out
C'est la vie
When humans hunt humans
And I'm not talking witches in the dark ages
But folk that have taken alternate
Life choices
In the 21st century
C'est la vie
When this world is not
What your heart expected
Rolling from the top
Plummeting
Into an abyss
Of old memories
When you were young
And simple things meant the world
C'est la vie
When promises are broken
And the tide gets too high
C'est la vie
When your heart sinks
And all the people you love
Can't see through your lies
Surrounded by millions
Somehow your still on your own
C'est la vie
Then you learn
That you will always keep rolling
Breathe and go through the motions
Life it keeps happening
Without permission
But your brain might be on pause
C'est la vie
You entered this world crying
And will leave to the sound of cries
*C'est la vie

Freezing yourself
Is not the only way to live forever
Many people become donors
But I wonder
How many time's can a heart
Be recycled?
Because mine's has had enough to last me several lifetimes
I'll live through the circle of life
And be content to go to my Lord
With the vessel of my soul
In a state he bestowed

I remember when art was colouring within the lines
And making Christmas cards
To festivals it was confined
Art was messy and fun
It was paint and glitter
Glue and scissors
Art was not a subject regular
Not like numeracy, literacy or science
It was a non academic waste of time
An afterthought in the afternoon
Galleries were for Picasso
Theatre's for Shakespeare
And other blue bloods
Somewhere not everyone was welcomed
Creativity and imagination 
Art became a journey of exploration
Different views and interpretations
Art is seeing the beauty in everything
It's moving it is still
It's lifelike and unreal
Sinister and peaceful
It sends a powerful message
It's a form of manipulation
And presentation 
Close to the artists heart
Words and pictures
A form of expression
The freedom to do what you want
Art is autonomy

Swept away by the shadow of impulses
In the darkness of dreams
You make me break all my rules

It's my word against his
And I have nothing but the way he made me feel
The sleepless nights, anxiety attacks and skin dried out from the wetness of my tears
Is hardly evidence
But the rumours and gossip
That I'm not the only one
Could have been the only thing to save me
Yet no one came forward
To take a stand
And my voice was weaker than the cry our voices could have been together
So I'm just another story for the next girl to hear
I'm just another reason for her voice to be weaker

Meanwhile he gets promotions
And climbs higher up the ladder
It's called social capital
These people know people
Like the ones you grieve to
And forms of complaint go missing as easily as the people
They can and will make you non-existent