Plasters a smile on her face
And paints her cheeks
A rosy tint
Lips a candy gloss treat

Sleek black lined eyes
And cat like flicks at the tips
Keeps herself maintained
That chick has some curvy hips

Bouncy shine to her hair
She gives you a pearly smile
Lures you in
You can't help but follow behind

The accessory on your arm
Dream girl of your teens
Spokes girl of ecstacy
The right amount of tease

Hard to please
Paper chaser
Home breaker
Fake lover
Game player
Breaks your heart and leaves ya

How do you do it?
Give your love away so easily
So freely
Only a few times we met
And yet you bid me farewell
With an
I love you

I thought maybe
It had slipped out
Too late to be caught
In the heat of the moment
To be followed by distraught

But you said it everytime
Signed it like your name
At the end of every message
At a point where I think
I don't even know you yet

You don't even know me yet
But what I know is that
Love is too strong a word
To be distributed prematurely

Love is too strong a word
To be used so often
Oh my god I love this
Soon to be discarded

The special kind of love
The one where you really mean it
Is always present
It need not be announced

Love is spontaneous
And unexpected
Not necessarily repeated
Said like you mean it

*it's like the more you use something the cheaper it becomes. It sort of loses its effect and becomes common or habitual.

The trip to the shops
Was as interesting as buying socks
Then I saw it like it was
My rite of passage

The treasure chest
A strong wooden box
The storage of all things special
With a unique lock

My very own pandora's realm
That would contain all those secrets
No one could touch
Or look to what it contains

In went some photographs
Of my family
Pictures of our very first snow
And sand collected of the land I used to know

Poems not meant to be seen
And letters that meant a lot to me
In went my wedding gold
Souvenirs I wanted to keep

The fire breathing dragon light
I used to sleep with under my pillow
My first ever hand held game
Things that remind me of the good old days

That rare coin
No longer in use anymore
And the birthday card
I didn't expect to receive

Then I inked down memories
I never wanted to forget
Family traditions
And my favourite tales

Dreams that changed overtime
And the adventure they entailed
This time capsule
To reveal and visit back in the future

Bad gateway
Blocked me out
Stood a barrier
No more it shouts

I can't access
Can't help but fret
All my secrets
It has kept

Hello poetry
Hello are you there
I tried again and again
All efforts in vain

I'm ready to read
To upload
And relieve
Bad gateway a dead end road

What does it mean
Will my poems
Ever again be seen?

Life is about taking breaths
But the most important times
Are when it is taken away
And all that haunts a displaced child
Is when their breath was lost then found again
From the moment a 3 minute warning is given
Where does one evacuate to
When already in a shelter
As bombs blast
And shots echoe in the near distance
When the ground shakes in pain
There is no time to think
No time to act as shrapnel came flying
To pierce their skin
And homes collapsed
Walls caved in
Only to harden their resolve
All out of tears
They no longer fall
When they get used to the pain
They recite the martyred like a grocery list
Mum
Dad
Brothers
Sisters
Aunties
Cousins
Uncles 
Friends
But­ the souls of lost ones are trapped in little hearts
Caged in past dreams
Where Fatima still comes to play with Aisha in the courtyard
Even with her head twisted off by the guards
Tariq and Abdul play marbles with charred fingers
Maha clings onto yesterdays that can never be the same
Where her father's farm was ripe 
And days were spent out in the field
A child sees a child does
So they accept they were born to die
And pick up a stone to fight
At least they must try to protect themselves
Even animals reserve that right
It's instinct
Basic defensive nature and survival needs
Yet the world condemns them
Serpents that bare snakes
They are terrorists in the making
As curses cry out from anger and hatred
A crime to be born in the middle east
The gates and borders of surrounding countries
Closed for their emergency
Where the only place to go is through the doors of heaven
Which are wide open
And in this case is it cruel of me to say
Maybe it is a better option
Than to live and die a thousand times over 
Mentally disturbed 
Overwhelmed with distrust
All that will be left are robots
That have nothing to lose
Time that should be spent in school
Is a time that will never come back
And everyday is a chance lost
Scars that will never be overcome
Eyes that have seen too much
These angels don't belong here

Toil and trouble
He went through it all
Just a man yet so much more
He was the seal of prophet hood

Orphan child
Never knew his mother
But brought with him all parents rights
And love for children alike

Illiterate and uneducated
Yet not a word was taken for granted
Read in the name of Your Lord
A duty upon believers to seek knowledge

A noble and trustworthy tradesman
His character and personality spoke for him
Can you imagine in those times
A woman proposed to him

Committed to his mission
Peace treaties and alliances
Evicting racism and hatred
He even fought with rules and principles

He preached for the sake of brother hood
Humanity and love
We were all one
No nationality, no patriotism

Such responsibility
Yet never a burden
Beaten and exiled he lost his wife and kids
Still he carried on for us

Courageous and fearless
Never judged anyone by their past or looks
Open minded and tolerant
Even when he was helpless

Jewish neighbours
And Christian cousin in laws
He believed in good relations
And practised what was preached

He spoke of a time riddled with strife
Temptations with every breath
Those people would be tested the most
And he prayed for people he never met

Yes we love him
Because he guided us to right
Showed us a perfect example
The role model we all aspire to

There she goes
Without a care in the world
Like a charming tornado
Causing adrenaline
Then havoc and destruction
I am mesmerised by her ways
Torn between wanting to see her magic again
And cursing the ****** aftermath
The way she peeled back my skin
And laid ownership on my insides
Touched where no one dared to go
I danced with her the tune she sang
Curled my body around her torso
She twirled with me
Lifted my heart off the ground
Then just like she arrived
She left in a whirlwind
Not even waiting around
To hear the heartbreaking sound

I am a gold digger
Speak to me in the language of God
Show me your wealth with the currency of deeds
I am attracted to the finer things in life
Your manners will leave butterflies in my stomach
I will be left breathless at virtue that shines brighter than any diamond you could find
And when your strength is measured against the trials and tribulations with the trust you have left
Everything will cease to exist except you and I
And humbleness will bring me to my knees
I am a gold digger
For the one whose company can truly benefit me
A banker of deeds
Who invests in good will
Keen to reach the top
And nothing could stop
Us reaching the seventh heaven

Beneath the canopy of stars
I sit and wonder
Dear God
Would you give me a sign
Would you tell me the future
Of distance and time
How will my destiny take a turn
I am scared of the unknown
Can you hear my heartbeat thudding away
It knows not what it wants
And I am afraid of taking a wrong turn
All that I am sure
Is that I am yours
Write me as you wish
For your wish is mine
You know what I dare not bring to voice
Only you could find clarity in the confusion of my self
And the contradiction it presents
I live in your trust alone
And even if I am lost
Nothing is of loss if I have you

I blew my prayers at the skies
Hoping the wind would whoosh them to Heaven 
A faster delivery 
Seeking silence 
A blink in response 
A wordless cry
From afar somewhere in the distance 
And I received a sign
I've always received first class service
Like how this very moment I live the answer to the fog
Of memories I walked beside
The one where I sat on the prayer mat
And cried 
Begged and pleaded 
God please let this be 
And here I stand 
Back towards the giving hand
And everytime I turn around
I ask for more
Human greed
I don't deserve His mercy 
But don't leave me please 
I won't
I won't ever leave Your path
I need You more than I need my prayers answered

I remember how you claimed to read me like a book
And then left me on the shelf
Forgotten by the person
I could never forget
Slowly quietly
Hiding behind closed doors
I remember
The time I loved you
Quickly frantically burying my tears
In the cloth of my sleeves
I remember
The time I loved you

Privatised education
Who makes the value judgement
This is the curriculum
One way dictation
Guinea pig nation
Grammar schooled politicians
State school interventions
Exclusion barriers set
For achievement prevention
Protection of the upper class
Speak out and its detention
National competition
Increasing grade inflation
Professionals and academics
Know the agendas
Compromise your ethics
Its in your best interests
And join them in
Reinforcing the system
Double bind situation
So preach equality
But have ability grouping
That will diminish self-esteem
And confidence
De-motivate and you get drop-outs
Disaffected generations
Power dominance
Controlling
And hierachy infestations
Of contradictions
Maths Science and English
That's what they're wanting
Music Art and Drama
And it's not worth it
You won't get a proper job
Value diversity
So you test them all the same
Assignments and exams
Product vs process
Learn for the test
Not for the sake of knowledge

All I ever do is hurt you 
Just stop loving me he said 
Just stop
And it won't hurt you anymore

But that hurt me more 
Than he could ever know 
And even if I could stop
I don't think I would

Life is all about love and forgiveness
So I'll accommodate all your sorrows
If I can keep you too

Retail therapy
To distract me
From my worries
Shop till I drop

On the way home
Arms heavy with bags
A mind heavy with guilt
And a heart worse off

Counting my total expenditure
Money I haven't got
Now I worry about
My next statement
And how I'll pay it off

I'm not good at staying
Or being in one piece
I'm not good at commitment
Or comforting the weak
I wish you could see
I'm not as good as you make me out to be
But you
You see me as someone strong
You tell me all these kind words
Effortlessly genuine
You look at me in awe and bottomless trust
And you make me scared
You are pure and real
And I am a tripping revelation
Of skinned knees
Bloodied by holy words
You are taking a walk on the wild side
Flirting with death
And tempting the devil
I'm the helpless fall
The guilt in being unable to resist
I'm hopeless
But sometimes I can see the rainbow painted on the ground
The only beautiful sight in the soggy pouring rain
I'm also the butterflies when you call
You make me nervously sick
This picture of piety you painted of me
And instant forgiveness
At not seeing what you see
It's the way you tug on emotions I never knew I could feel
It's the beauty in you slaying the beast in me
Everything feels dangerously perfect when you are in the room
I've learned that I can get addicted to anything
And people are too unpredictable
So this time I'm not going to pick up
I'm not going to reply
I don't feel like dreaming of things that won't happen

Crazy never looks good on anyone
Especially us
We are chaos
And you are poison
Inside me like a disease
Yet still your laugh awakens my soul
Darling there are two hearts on the floor
One is mine
And *both are yours

She dreamt of sunken people who spoke of hope
And iron hearts who bled empathy
Hunger that fed on peace
War which longed to unite with life
Immortal ethics set in practice
Children who never escaped childhood
Flowers that refused to die
And love which was incapable of lies
She dreamt of dreams coming true
But awoke to a full blown strife
Still she believed with all her might

They say we are a mistake
A blot in history
A disaster waiting to happen
They say we are cursed
That we will never work
They say
They say
They say
They sa
They s
The
Th
T
.

So called meritocracy
False illusions of democracy
Labelled by society
To fulfill this prophesy that it has foreseen in me,
What I see is: that I refuse to believe,
this is all I can amount up to be,
Decided on the course of my life,
Based on my colour, culture and class.
Add gender, religion and demographics.
I don't stand a chance.
Are you telling me I can't do this, can't bring myself up?
From where I am constantly belittled,
By stereotypical positions.
An anomalie I aspire to be,
This knowledge I gain will guide me,
I want that day to arrive,
Where you judge me,
Shun me,
Tell me I'm wrong.
Then to see jaws hang open,
To see those stuttering like the ignorant fools they are,
Embarrassed red tinted cheeks,
Shaking heads in disbelief,
"I... I... I'm sorry, I tthought that, it it looked like"
Allow me to bring you back to reality,
Your status and power does not give you the right to judge.
You have a right to your opinion,
But take a look on what you base it upon?

I want to tell you I'm changing
I don't like it
But it's happening
And I can't control it
I want to tell you that it feels like danger
It feels like a storm brewing inside my guts
My instinct to flee is going wild
But how do I run away from myself?

I don't love you
not completely
at least not yet
but I can feel my soul
reaching to entwine with yours
it's tied in a nice neat knot
I love your smile
I love your laugh
I love your stubborness
and everything in between
I don't love you
not completely
at least not yet
not until the knot becomes a tangle
and I love you to the point of stupidity
to the total loss of sanity
to sacrificial limitations
past where I could never forget you
irreversibly wicked
I don't love you
not completely
at least not yet

I met a girl who chased paradise 
Whilst I chased the sun
She stood firm for prayer
Whilst I sat laid back 

Lord she was steadfast
And strong 
Determined and right
She was guided by the light

And I got distracted by the night 
So there I stood a sinner 
Oblivious of one more sin 
And there she was happy 

Content and thankful
So I pray to be like her 
And that she gets rewarded for being faithful
Whilst I committed to fault after fault

She came to you before the casket closed 
We will all come back to you when our eyes won't open

Head bowed
Arms held out
Fill my lap
I refuse to leave empty handed from this world
**** the pain that wanders in my dreams
Wipe the tears that threaten to spill
You know all my secrets
You read my soul before I bared it
I am a believer
Treat me so
Imperfectly perfect
I detect my defects
Would you conceal them for me

I fear a day
When you'll sit next to me
And my phone will vibrate
A message from you asking what's for lunch?

I fear a day
When talented beings
Educated with graduate degrees
Will work in MacDonalds
For minimum wage

I fear a day
Where I'll need to take out a mortgage
For a parking fee
Daylight robbery

I fear a day
Where kids will no longer
Play at the park
No one ever heard of jigsaws
And wooden train sets

I fear a day
When strangers would be able to see
My every post
People I don't even know
Will know all about me

I fear a day
When people will drive to the gym
To run on the treadmill
And we'll all forget
The luminous glow of the moon

I fear a day
We'll forget about stars
And handwritten cards
When we'll care more about cars
Than our counterparts

I fear a day
When the world will all speak English
And read shakespeare
Wear the same high street gear
And eat KFC

I fear a day
Where honour and dignity
Respect and modesty
Will be a thing of the past
And those who hold steadfast
To their culture and traditions
Ways of life
Will be mocked and ridiculed as backwards

I fear a day
When all my fears
Come true
And that day a part of me will die inside
I'll lose the sound of your voice
And mums special home-made recipes with secret ingredients
I'll lose the way your letters felt
Slanted and joined so rounded together
The way the cross on the t and the dot on the i's leaned to hug one another
I'll lose the rush of the wind
As I felt how it was to fly on a swing
The reassuring touch on my back as you pushed and held me back then helped me to stop
I fear a day
I will breathe but cease to exist
Lost in mere memories of a past
Where I was meant to be

You crawled into my chest
And took residence
Like a squatter
An unwanted guest

There you found space
Beneath my ribs
In a heart
That's been left a mess

You thought it could be fixed
With a goodnight kiss
But made it worse
When morning came

You turned around and left
I lay with a shortness of breath
As though you had punctured a lung
And felt it hiss whilst I slept

Singers sing about it
And writers write,
painters paint
Creative versions
     of love.

Memories expressed
Pain suppressed
Blurred lines between this love
and a torturous punishment
of the treacherous kind.

A testing trial of doubt
mistrust and frayed strings.
A problem of the heart to which there is no solution.

They've tied their happiness with another,
and risked a ruined life of
Half fulfilled wishes
and broken dreams.

Even in victory there is the cloudy feeling of loss
a sense of dimming hope
Wafting fumes of that last chance
blown
          out... . .

Wallowing in self-pity
wanting to rekindle that flame
and return again to reclaim

Your heart.

If I do not possess graduation certificates or a degree,
What do you think of me?
Am I illiterate, un-educated, or a drop out?
Perhaps a failure would be more suited?
I suppose you'd say it decreases my life chances of success,
With nothing to prove my intelligence,
I'd be a risk.
And if I told you about my passion, my dream, my determination,
Would it make a difference?
If I told you tests and assignments were not my suited measure.
But I could show you what it is
that I treasure,
What is it about that piece of paper, inked with words and letters,
that proves me to you?
Without it,
am I unwise, unskilled and talent less?
Ill-mannered, unkempt, and emotionless?
Knowledge can be gained without education,
Experience can be done without information,
Intelligence is not always academic,
And people can achieve through life without merit.

In this story
I call you the cursed verses
Of where I learnt wicked things
And the way you corrupted my body
How you came hungrily
Eager for velvet skin
How the silk slipped off my shoulders
And hesitated at my hips
The way my breath hitched
And you plaited our fingers
Like you'd never let go
But you left me standing on the porch
Chest open wide
Swinging from its hinges
My epilogue tells of how
My spine still won't remember its wings
No matter how many times my knees kissed the pavement

Success follows a believer
Like truth that cannot hide
For he contains all the elements
That turn every situation right

Forgiveness and healing
That alone is a sign
Of a person stronger
More than you and I

Success is that person who falls down
And gets right back up again
Grabbing at all opportunities
That happen to blow in on the wind

The Lord provides the recipe
And bestows the ingredients too
You don't have to look far
Love and work hard honestly

Yes, the Lord helps those that help themselves
To the blessings He provides
When it comes down to it above all else
That is true success in life

**** good intentions
All I see is bottles spilling at the seams
Grey and purple fumes
Lies that speak of truth
Swear by your mother
Bad habits have no conditions
Call upon your maker
Even He would not take you
Traitor
Look me in the eye and tell me your narrative
Make yourself the tragic victim
And life the vile villain
If you think I am the kind hearted heroine
I swear to tell you I don't care
One tomorrow I'll turn my back and walk away
I'll write to you my story
Of the protagonist who was on a quest
She searched for the antidote against her guilty conscious
Cut down the excess baggage
And was rewarded her peace with freedom

I remember when you were there for me,
Through my many years you helped me really see,
That you always are there for me,
You stood to me like a friend,
There for me until the end.

I will never forget the things you helped me through,
I saw my inspiration,
It is you,
You were there for me when I needed you,
I now will always have great memories of you.

You are someone I want to be like,
I found out who that person is,
That person is you,
I hope you remember through your days,
You have touched my heart in so many ways.

If we say goodbye to you,
We'll just fall apart
Because you have always been in our hearts,
We don't need to lose you,
You cared about us and we cared about you too.

I remember the day we first met you and you met me,
It was like it was really meant to be,
You are someone we hold close to our hearts,
There I know we will never be apart.

From the bottom of my heart.

Is this what it is like to be grown?
What is meant by stand on your own two feet?

I am there now,
Grown
My head hangs in defeat.
It is exactly how you described it,
A life of burdens and responsibilities.

A life of financial worries where I have been entered into a race without consent,
To own possessions, have things to my name.
A standard to be met, a category to fill.
This is where I am told I should be, what I should want.
Then what is this feeling of discontent?

Labels attached to my title,
My style is overtaken by dull colour,
My hobbies buried under paperwork,
My weekends spent planning ahead,
My social life cautiously tread.

A house to be brought,
A spouse to be sought,
Educational loans to be paid,
In my nightmares to be relayed.

Is this what it is like to be grown?
To grow up, show up, work up,

Break up.

She did it because she needed a distraction
A pain worse than the one she was feeling
Something she could see
Then control as she fixed it
Sliced her skin
And watched as her life wasted
Physical harm
Could be mended
It could be wiped
Disinfected
Plastered
And bandaged
She could at least watch it heal
Until the pain of her heart
The jumbled mess of her mind
Came forth once again
So she holds the blade
And worked on the distraction
Piercing skin demanding attention

Barefooted, ragged, with neglected hair, she was a thin slip of a girl, like a new moon
Head hung like a dying flower
She gave herself with open palms
Yet every sorrow and distress found her like flourishing weeds
There was no one I admired and hated more
The way they peeled her to the core
And she revealed she had more seeds to grow
Never was she afraid to show
The unchanging depths of her heart
Worth its weight in gold

Out there was war zones
And in here was paradise
Our heads lay on the pillow
Arms brushed up against eachother
I told you I could burn you
And you said my fire gave you the warmest light
You didn't promise me the world
But said a fragmented puzzle was something you were accustomed to
And I wished that I could offer you something whole
With not even a suggestion of "some assembly required"
I read chapters of your skin
An archive of a library
And I wonder if it's a place I could be written into
My fingers trace the section of care instructions on your lips
And I wonder if they're the ones for me

She stood staring at the turquoise blue water
The sight for healing hearts
A few feet shy of the doors to heaven
Father said that when the doors to heaven open
A warm soft breeze passes you
Washing away all the pain
Eternal peace and prosperity is returned to your soul
And as you walk through the gardens of Eden
Through the meadow
You'll see your family waiting for you
Ready to embrace you
She took a step, then a few more
Daring to dream of meeting her heart's longing

Last night
After years you crossed my mind
Last night, like some past few times
I found your number and wrote a message
Hey, I hope you're well.
And lots of other things I would never say in the early hours of the morning
Last night, unlike the past few times
I pressed send
I wanted you to reply then
I waited wishing
And this morning I hoped you changed your number
This morning you're a can of worms I regret trying to open
I hope my attempts were unsuccessful

Not for the first time
I tried to feel blank
To rid myself of the overwhelming sensation of dastard emotions
That wring you exhausted
I can't keep up with the swing of highs and lows
The fluctuation beyond control
Not for the first time I wondered
If the good of the highs was worth the badness in the lows
And that I'd rather not feel anything at all

I am sick
The sky is green
My stomach turns inside out
Your words are yellow
I can't avoid them
My skin is orange
My eyes are black
Black like I'm wearing shades but I'm not
It's black like a rotting banana that's leaving a smell
Attracting attention
I'm chain smoking through days
Not liking the taste
Coughing up deconstruction
Collapsed stomach and lungs
I'm sick because
I'm unravelling like a golden thread
Like a tent full of birds
Until there's nothing but purple left
Hands wave from a train I need to be on
To stain me velvet red
To mix me yellow
And to dye me brown
Like they want to plant a garden in my fingertips
And write a novel on my skin
About strangers and fumbling for wrists to hold like the world is empty
Hands that make you fall from your graces
About walking into a bar and finding God
About sunshine falling from the gaps between teeth