" Repulsive human "

I saw my mirrored self
On a forgotten object on the shelf,
My repugnant self.
ugly with a decaying beauty,
An ungrateful being,
who is always and horribly lying,
Nourishing on rotten compliments,
Devouring beastly received sentiments,
Pulling pleasures from holes excreting elements.
With regret,
I fixate
my mirrored self,
On the truth teller object remaining on the shelf.
****** to be earthy,
Condemned to longevity,
I smell the fool odor of my naivety,
My soul's obesity.
They said
"To live is a twist of fate"
But all I see
Through my mirrored self
Is a fate
that is worse than death.

That dark and promising thought,
Kept my eyes open,
And my mind rotten,
All night.
I had dreams and maddening desires that turned against me,
Showed no mercy,
accorded themselves the honor to be my nocturnal unrepentant rivals,
Swore upon their strength to make me dignify my hatred for mortals.
The thoughts challenged gods,
Defeated all my spirit's  guards,
Obliged me to visit psychic wards.
Here I am defeated,
And by some higher power or no power,
Blessed
To still be alive
Somewhere far.
From the distance I can still  see my old foolish and pitiful  self as he walks away :
The happily innocent living that was dramatically convinced, being happy is just one step far.
Stabbed and mutilated
I survived the endless wars,
I now cherish the scars,
That push me to dare going deeper inside,
Of my mutilated soul and misfortunes and the joys that lied.
I was one finger away to Cease to be me,
Probably I haven't yet consumed all my morning's  coffee, to flee and decide of my destiny and join with a touch of prestige the club of men that truly lived and now are free.
They must have instead wept when a man was born,
Not when his flame is extinguished and hereafter they mourn.