The lover in these poems
is me;
the doctor,
Love.
He appears
as husband, lover
analyst & muse,
as father, son
& maybe even God
& surely death.

All this is true.

The man you turn to
in the dark
is many men.

This is an open secret
women share
& yet agree to hide
as if
they might then
hide it from themselves.

I will not hide.

I write in the ****.
I name names.
I am I.
The doctor's name is Love.

You'll see me when the tides roll out,
in a heavy downpour
at the heart of the spout.
Catch me in the grave of pine,
trees like tombstones
roots in my spine.
Follow me past the end of the page,
till the ink bleeds out
and you fray with age.
I'll wait beneath an august sky,
my heart will be wet,
yet unthirstably dry.

You have to be sure
You have to make a decision
Then you have to drag that decision outside and beat it with a stick
Then drag it back inside and put it in a chair and torture it
Until you have squeezed out every last drop out of that ****** and you know deep in your heart that you have made the best decision you could possibly have made

if you drink enough ***** it tastes like

regret

like all the nights you spent bent over the bathroom sink
tears running down your face when you can’t seem to catch your breath

like rust and blood and bile in the back of your throat
razors on the counter and a half cocked gun in your hand

like not sleeping because you’re too busy screaming at the sky
begging the moon to bring her back

like breaking bones on promises like “forever”
tearing open your chest searching for some part of you she might’ve left
but finding nothing

if you drink enough ***** it will not taste like love
and it certainly will not taste like her

she wants late afternoons in bed

I want to come home after a long day at work and drink until I can’t tell the difference between my bed and the floor
I want to sleep with half the girls I meet

she says she wants to wake up to my smile every morning

I do not want to have to worry about waking up to a girl whose name I can’t even remember

she’s still waiting on “I love you”

but I’ve already said goodbye