A weak smile
A tired gesture
He acknowledged my presence
I knew he would..

His eyes were fixed on my face
as if..
He wanted to say Thank You
as if...
He wanted to say Good Bye
as if..
He wanted to say Please.. HELP ME NOW

I couldn't avoid his longing looks
I just knew it..
He wouldn't last
another day..
He was too tired with
all these strict treatments
and medications he had to consume
on this cold, cold hospital bed...

He wanted to rest
Desperately needed a break
from the needles
and nurses in white uniforms
He hated the doctors
He wanted to go...

He screamed my name
I was too shocked
Sister I am sick of this life
But I am reluctant to die...
Please... he grabbed my hands
and whispered...
let me die at home
don't let me go in this way...
He closed his eyes and
and let my hands go
He let go of my hands forever..........

He sleeps on my lap
and breathes my name
O my sweet darling
Will not let anything
hurt you, disturb you

I don't sleep a wink
The whole night
I am delightful
by just watching my angel sleeps

My precious diamond
I can't lose you again
Let me sacrifice my sleep tonight
Just to be the person
who witness your first smile
tomorrow at dawn....
before you breathe my name the last
and leave me forever......

O ALLAH,
Make my love for you,
The most beloved thing to me.
And my fear for you,
The most fearful thing to me.
And remove from me,
All worldly needs and wants
by instilling a passion for meeting you
And when you have given the people of the world
The pleasures of their world,
Make the coolness of my eyes,
Calmness in my heart
Pure pleasure in worshipping you!

Love speaks the loudest at heart
and feelings control its volume...

Waking up on a beautiful morning
Whistling while making the bed
Humming sweet songs while in shower
Outside the birds are..
... singing melodious songs
Oh my
The birds are not seen anywhere
on a bark of a tree
Instead they happily sit
on electric cable infront of my house
I stop humming...
What a beautiful scene I thought
Living in this concrete jungle...
I need to breathe...
I need the real nature!!!

This heart of mine
is made of gold
Don't you try
To touch it...
Don't you dare
To break it...
Once broken
You can't bear
The cost of its damage...
Priceless heart of gold
This heart of mine.........

I smelled honey and goat cheese
Been kneading the dough
in Mom's traditional bakery
Met one gorgeous crazy guy in the 60's
Over the french breads and ovens
he fished me out
with a twist and turn
all through the night..
We did the twist and shout
The crowd applauded
on this dance floor..
we did the twist and shout

Even when love is silent
Love is there
deep in the heart
Always love
Always will
Always remember
I love you affectionately
Can't you hear?
Every whispers of the wind
says Hello I love you...

Look in his eyes..
The demon eyes are hidden
behind his every charming smiles
You are the demon
in my head
Confused..
This pure heart in the beginning
What has it turned into?
Will my innocence
be ruined one day
by listening to this demon
every seconds...
keep talking in my head
telling me evils
unimaginable thoughts..
whispering sweet nothings...
sheer lust... false promises...
hates, revenge, lies..
The demon..
keeps looking for chances
every opportunites are counted
to conquer gullible heart entirely
and crush it ...
and break it..
the demon keeps bragging...
while I weep in my sleep..
he is laughing out loud!!!
While deleting my name...
One down.. more to come..

Today
I decided to be a poet
instead of being a teacher
What a teacher preaches
Would soon be forgotten
The kids simply plug their ears
pretending to enjoy lectures in class
instead they secretly enjoy " Imagine Dragon"
Tapping fingers on their tables

Today I did  a drastic change
Gave ten poems of mine to read
Creatively
the poems became the lyric of songs
Students sang them in class
Remembering the vocabs
and grammar...
the fun way.. they say
enrichment activities are completed
Successfully done
without a whine!!!

How fulfilling the lesson is
If poems are read and appreciated
and poems are used as meaningful
tools to enlighten others.........

What does quality time together mean
When everybody's glued to their smartphones
Mom and dad buy new gadgets
and forget each other... again.

Meals are left cold on the dining table
Nobody pays attention
to homecooked meals anymore
Food is rather thrown in the bin
or reheat again and again...
What is the value of mom's kitchen
when Domino's Pizza can be ordered via online?

The magicof smartphones...
Homes aren't cozy place for us anymore
Everybody enjoys secrecy... privacy...
Living far  apart
but breathing under the same roof....

Dear daughter comes home in tears
Dinner date a sheer disaster, she said...
He checks his Whatsapp notifications
every now and then...and smiling
reading his messages..,
A total shame...

Technology is meant for convinience sake
Same time rapidly ruins our everyday life
What has happenened to real conversations?
Hiding behind the sophisticated gadgets
What good is that?
Get rid of of your latest Samsung
and show your true face...

Innocence
Love is...
Pure feelings
when two hearts attached.
To love
is never a guilt
Never a crime
If you ever felt guilty
for loving someone
Perhaps you don't
even understand..
don't even know
what, how love is...

Why should you give up?
When you can still stand up

Why should you breakdown and cry?
No way, you are not going to die

Why should you fall?
When you never try to bounce back
and be brave to face it all?

Why should you fear ?
When Its clear,
you aren't  in danger.

Why should you be a pessimist?
When only good things happen
once you decide to become an optimist...

Why should you end your life?
When you could save so many lives

Why should you  turn away and say Good Bye?
If you don't even care to give it a try

  Please try ....
Choose to throw your pathetic hat today
and start wearing your positive hat everyday...

You choose to live or you choose to die
Only you can choose
Not me.. Not anybody ealse
Only you...
Choose what you want to be...

Searching
high
Searching
low
No show
No plane
No dead bodies
No debris
No news...
Only..
Bad News...
Only
sad news
Uncertainties
Still searching
Still missing
MH370 is mysteriously
MISSING IN ACTION....

The truth
hurts deeply
Cuts me
like a knife
Atleast..
I don't live  a lie...

9 to 5
Meetings
Lectures
Writings
Reports
Briefings
Presentations
Even­ts
Functions
Exams
Evaluations
Reports again...
Lost my laughing lines
Poetries my escapism...

We have nothing else
Between You and I
Only fake words
meaningless
Only false hopes
hopeless
Nothing more
Nothing less
Us was something in the past
Goodbye!

I don't write for LIKES
Never crave for attention
I write for share
Some ideas
Some words
Some stories
Read my writes if you like
If you don't
never mind... just pass
Tomorrow I write still
I will

When things are down
And you are out of your mind
Remember just remember
Allah is The Kind.

When your life is in darkness
And nothing is right
Remember just remember
Through the darkness,
Allah is The Light.

When nothing makes sense
And your heading for demise
Remember just remember
It doesn't make sense,
but Allah is The Wise.

When times are troubled
And no one seems to care
Remember just remember
Allah won't hurt you,
He is The Fair.

When your heart is breaking
And your pain makes you fall
Remember just remember
Allah Sees it all.

When you are weak
And the road seems long
Remember just remember
Seek strength from The Strong.

When life is a burden
And everything is unstable
Remember just remember
Allah is The Able.

When the way is cloudy
And there is no one by your side
Remember just remember
Allah is The Only Guide.

When no one wants to listen
Or is willing to lend an ear
Remember just remember
Allah is always ready to hear.

When you are poor and penniless
And you are stuck in a niche
Remember just remember
Allah is The Rich.

When you are down in your misery
And there is nowhere to run
Remember just remember
You can always run to The One.

And when your scars are hurting
And your heart is in fear
Remember just remember
Allah is really here.

Even when I cry
I am smiling
Even when I am hurt
I am staying
Even when I am in pain
I am singing...
Even when I know the truth
I am lying...
Even my life in complete mess
I am shining...
Because I know..
Even when I lose
I am winning...
Victory is never easy
No pain no gain..

He sits so near
I can hear his heart pumping
He turns around, moving closer
I can hear his breathing, so hard
He touches my veil
I shyly avoid his hungry eyes
He removes my head gear
I hold my head down
He lifts up my chin
I can now see the man...
for the first time...
He plants a kiss on my forehead
nervously , eagerly
So...
He is the so called husband
I am the so called wife...
To him... obey I should
To him I surrender my innocence?

In complete silence
A new episode begins
The crumpled silky bed sheet
stained with ******'s blood
Did I hurt myself?
Should I stay silent?
Show me
The evidence
We are married ....

When you are sad, I will dry your tears
When you are scared, I will comfort your fears
When you need love, my heart I will share...
When you are sick, for you I will care...
You will feel my love when we are apart
Knowing that nothing will change my heart
When you are worried, I will give you hope...
When you are confused, I will help you cope...
I am here now because I love you
I want to be with you forever and always..
My sad tears are all for you....
I vow I am waiting forever
for you........

I have nothing I only have words
Words of the enchanted love
Words of an inspiring beauty
Words of fairies and princess in fantasy land
Words….. only with words
I could treasure your love
And say a million Thank You

I only have Words to paint the whole world blue
Or red or green or yellow
With my words I paint the world bright
I paint it dull, gloomy , cheerless…
Arrange each words and make them sound so right…

It seems that all my life I have been looking
for Perfect words...
words to say things right
And make you and everybody feel alright

If I should leave you too soon
Just remember all the magic words we shared
Magical Words from me are not just words
They are words Written from my deepest heart
No diamonds or gold can be compared
of this Perfect gift for you from an angel
Who only knows how to write…

Words of poetry are like the soft feathers
Delicate, beautiful and colorful…
As she Placed the feather upon your bed
an angel leaves silently…
the precious words , the memories she leaves behind…
only to remind you… of …
A feather from an angel ,
with love….

and he whispers close to your ears
" you are the most beautiful ...."
his lyrics lulled you to sleep
" heaven is here on earth"
The whispers are not songs...
The lyrics are ....But a poisonous venom
There is devil in disguise...
Who will sit on all man’s paths
Till you succumb and surrender
Till you doubt your faith.. and fall
into the hands of evils
The tireless whispers....
Keep on seducing you....
Lure you with all the excitements
and drown you within...

The devil whispers...
Get ready your weapon
take hold of some pebbles in your hand and throw

I walk miles to the nearest school
Barefooted, no breakfast, no money
Mom said go to school,  I won't be poor
Hopelessly poor like my old father

So I can't b like my poor father
I brave myself sitting in the last row
at a corner in the class
always with my head hold down
hardly my eyes meet my teacher's eyes
My teacher's voice
only echoes in my heart

I sweat I smell I am stupid
I am different
My teacher never comes near me
She said I have a pungent smell
Always telling me to take a bath
and shampoo my hair
Smelly ,***** she scolds
She cannot bear my ugly face

Other kids barely talk to me
I am of no importance they say
One smelly Semai boy I am
yet...
Strange I still walk down the valleys
cross the rivers and walk barefooted
I  come to school infact everyday
to face all the strange looks I received
just because I can't be poor
like my useless old father
who once was the famous hunter
the Semai tribe's warrior....

Here I am daydreaming
with my bow and arrow
Ready for my hunting mission
All these time I have been thinking....
How could I be like father
A great Semai warrior
If I have to stand outside  the class all day?

The teachers screams my name
SERMO!!! SERMO!!!
I don't even care to look
I throw my books
My instinct tells me...
The forest.. the forest..
Its where I do belong......

So I gave you all of me
So you gave me all of you
Do we still need something
too keep
for ourselves?
Does it matter then
When you have all of me
and I have all of you
Don't we have enough
When you have it all
and I have it all
Aren't we rich enough?
Loving
All of me
and
Loving
All of you...

My soul flies to you
In your Heart I stay
My wonderful heaven
my home and your home
Always...
Our souls meet
again...
We walk and
dance on the moon
We laugh and cry
We fight and make up
happy all the way
aren't we the happiest?
Even when our souls
traveling so far away...
searching... hoping... seeking

sad when sometimes
our souls seeking one another
yet they only linger
in our minds...
a never ending fantasy
a dream unfulfilled...

shouldn't we be blessed
that our souls finally meet?
Soulmates, aren't we?

Blind date you called it
So the girls aren't scared
Even when you have
...your seeking eyes open
To admire their fragility
and hidden values
while they giggle shyly
Slowly yet impatiently
observing their weakest points
Soft rosy cheeks
Delicate skin...
the young innocence...
too late now...

To witness the seducing acts...
Enjoying...
While the girls wide eyes...
silently shut.
Whispering
Good bye to innocence...

Though you be many miles away
We'll never be apart
I just reach out my hand
To feel the beating of your hearts

Though the world may divide us
part by part
Our hearts will remain
Nothing... can tear us apart.

Does the distance
hurt your heart more?
I guess not...
Far and away
Less burden
Less headache
Free and easy...
Your way...

Does my silence
bleeds your ego more?
I doubt the pang of anger
The painful looks in your eyes
Its just your rebellious way
of saying I should stay...
while you stray...

Talk to my hand
I don't say anymore..
Mr Arrogant... have your way
No way!!! I'd stay
Waving my last Goodbye
Anyway!!!

His devilish smile
yet the grin I miss
The dark side of him
love and hate
Kind of romantic
dangerous but kind
strange aura of love..

The hard face yet the soft-eyes
magnetic those seducing eyes
my heaven and earth

mysteriously romantic
a fatal attraction
and against all odds
the devil inside him
this devil I love...

Perhaps I hurt you bad yesterday
Perhaps I've hurt you a little today
Perhaps I 'll hurt you again tomorrow
Perhaps you are feeling hurt... now
... again

Perhaps you are just fine..
Perhaps you are not even hurt
Perhaps you don't care at all
Perhaps you are dancing with joy

Perhaps I have been hurt instead
Perhaps I have been fooled again
Perhaps...
Repeatedly...

A little love...

A little love
is all I ask for
am I asking too much?
A little love
is all I ask for
I shall rest in peace
A little Love
only your sweetness
a little Whisper of love
That is all
I've ever asked for
and that is all
I need...

All the time
I seem to be awake
Too scared to close my eyes
Put myself to sleep
a threat, unpredictable fear...

All the time
I hear laughters,
and I giggle...
I hear someone cries
and I weep non stop
I hear
shouts and screams
at inappropriate times
I hear whispers
Telling me to sleep
Telling me to wake up
I must have gone insane

All the time,
I can't get hold of myself
I must have looked silly
I must have fooled myself
I cant stop  people from staring...
Judging me in their heart

All the time
I hate myself
For this disability
Such a mental torture
A lifetime displeasure
When I  lost to Schizophrenia...

Noon when I started
Feeling dizzy
Strong waves hit the walls
in the stomach
exploding in any minute
I ran to the bathroom
Threw up everything
My tummy empty
Cool myself in shower
The water ran all over me
I could open my eyes
Shivering ... I couldn't see a thing
I crawled in the dark
Helplessly lying on the floor
staring at the ceiling fan
how fast it spins
How fast my world moves
I can't even think,
I can't even move
there's a fog in my mind
clouding  my brain
invisible hands choking my throat
My whole body is trapped
I am numbed
I am paralysed...

Waking up at dawn
Neither argue nor yawn
My child bathed himself
Joining his mom and dad
Waiting for the call of prayer

Performing 'Fajr' prayer
while the whole universe
rolling in deep sleep
But never does he frown
To wake up and pray at dawn

In the woods
I shall have a peace of mind
A calming atmosphere
Soothing the heart
and Free my soul

In the woods
The cricket sings
The birds chirp
The bees buzzing
Once in a while
a hooting sound...
Pleasant songs to my ears...

In the woods
Waking alongside
With the man I love
Holding hands
Laughing at silly jokes

Enjoying the woods
Smiling, Relaxing, Rejuvenating....

Waking up at the wee hours
For the sake of Allah
I wash and clean myself
I humbly worship god
Thats all I do
Everyday I pray...

I have been  asking too much
from him
Did he ever complain?
No... God has mercy
I keep asking day and night
Five times a day, sometimes more
For this and that.. I ask
Am I not ashamed?
A little perhaps
but I am humble...
I keep asking, keep wanting...
keep pleading, keep praying...
Keep worshipping...

I believe in him
Even when I don't see him
I trust him
Even when I don't hear him
I keep my faith
He is  the most  merciful,
the most compassionate
He sees me
even when I am hiding
He hears me
even when I am silent

I am not pure and perfect
to deserve god's heaven
but I fear the hell fire...
I could feel the blaze...
Dear God you are creator of everything
You are the guardian over everything
Protect me from evils
Guide me to heaven
I am only a human
Humbly I submit myself to you...

I cry my heart out
My clothes drenched
with tears
Tears of regret

I bend and kneel
A weak follower I am
On this praying mat
I closed my eyes
I put my hands together
I am all alone... with you..

I seek your forgiveness
God look at me
I Plead "Forgive Me"
I have sinned, I have sinned...
Captivated with the world
that glitters...
Mesmerized with fatal lust
Drowned in  the darkest dungeons
Full of defeats and lies
I lost...

Forgotten Who I am
Who I belong to
How often I said your name?
I have lost the counts

I say your name again
I bow in shame
Head down...
Regrets are embarrassment...
Only you ...
only you I could turn to...

You are one
There is no other
How could I ignore?
My feelings changed all at once
I only need my Allah...
Only my god in time of despair..
Only my god in time of happiness...
I have found my soul again..

Dear God..
You've touched my heart
The deepest place
used to be empty
I fill it with you..
forever and ever I am yours
Your humble follower
God I love you
I have found myself again...

Tonight
I am standing outside
What a night...
I am...
Staring at the widest sky
My eyes are searching
for my favourite shiny thing

Its a strange night though...
I feel awkward standing right here
in my garden
Its dark... Charcoal black..
I couldn't see a thing..

Where is the moon that shines?
All of a sudden...
a soft whispers
to my ears
Am I allowed to be lazy?
Let me not shine
just for tonight..
I am tired to death...
I need the rest...
Sleep is all I need...

I don't really know my sweet moon
I can't answer on behalf...
to avoid your routine?
You'd leave me in complete darkness..
Not me but millions
in sheer black night...
They'd be blind
groping in the dark
Everybody needs a moon..
and so do I...

Hello
Do you recognize me?
I am your voice within
You hardly hear me
Always... you ignore
my pleas..

I whisper your name
I shout sometimes
Just to correct you from wrongs
Just to show you
the light... the right path
cause I am your voice within...
I am your conscience
Your caring invisible twin

How sad...
you choose to pretend
Like you are deaf
Like I don't exist
I shout and scream..
your name...
Am I wrong?
I am destined to be
Your voice within...

World, concealing and revealing
Elegant appearance
Forgetfulness of matter
At the revealing, heavenly
Dark clouds fail there
Majestic and radiant
World opens up
Spreads out wings of imagination
Worlds interact
A new world arises
My world resists to be the same
Earth resists incorporation
An embrace is welcomed
A new world opens up.

One lonely soul
Tired of life
In a small secluded cocoon
Breathing heavily in and out
Coughing constantly
Pillow stained with blood
Looking out at the window
Eyes almost closed
Counting the dried leaves fall
One by one it falls each day...
The last leaf would fall eventually..
The long wait..
Will he die?
Will he survive?

What fun it is..
He said...
to mourn in the inside
let's fantasize of the glittering world..
with colorful words

give life a cheer
give life a chance
no fun to be alone
surrounded by gloomy atmosphere..

he oftens forget...
his spiritual companion
god's eyes are watching
god's ears are listening...

I wish he'd
Call his name
Calmness in his heart
I pray he'd
Seek his assistance
His Loneliness is fulfilled...
God is true...

Feeling so empty within today
Sadness’ is settling in and taking over my mind
My soul seems so desolate and lost, Like life holds no meaning without love
No one to care about breaks my heart

  It’s such a hard feeling that’s growing inside of me
Breaking me apart from inside bit by bit
Sending me into a dark abyss of no return
Making me weep, but that won’t bring an end to this suffering

  Happiness has been replaced with sorrow some sighs
Emotions have left me, feeling like a stiff being
Leaving only darkness to engulf my life
All I can do now is hope for ray of light
That will get me out of this dark loveless place

Sun is impartial in reaching out
In sustaining life on the planet
Equal intensity everywhere
Even on the good and the evil.

Reality appears to be partial
Expectations are laughed at
A drop of water to quench my thirst
Stinginess even in abundance.

Years spend in waiting for a change
Reality never changed, continued to be
A ray of light never bends
May bend or spread out at opaque ends.

Learned the art of nishkama karma
Go on acting… for duty sake
Never expect anything in return
Duty for duty sake… life goes on.

Awaiting for your warm embrace,
Subtle kisses began the mating game,
As an innocent cuddle tums out to be something else.
Wild imaginations become real indulgence of temptations,
Hands exploring treasures that were kept hidden,
breathing deep with emotion.. two souls become one.
burning in the flame of love.
desire upon desire... i breathe your name...
you breathe mine..
Melting away in ecstasy,
We paint ourselves on the canvas of love

My ink is drying
loss for words..
my poetic mind
shrinking in its size
try few romantic lines
poetic dictions are gone
need inspiration perhaps..
Give me a hand..
my ink will be filled by you...

He stops to smile
He becomes a statue
No gestures of love
No Darling I love you...

Must be my mistake
My words , my doings,
What I did wrong?
He remains speechless
Expressionless
Dumb like a still picture
That boring face..
Sulking of course...

I'd leave you fighting
with your own emotions
I am drowning
in my own thoughts
to hack the statue of you
is there a way to break this solid rock?
is there a way to  melt
a cold hearted soul?
soon..
I'd break you
Soon I'd melt you
I would find out...
When there's a will
There's a way...

My heart is never lonely
I can feel you always
The rhythmic beats pulsing
Indigenous to the same body

Miles apart
But embodied as one
In a dream
Leaving me breathless

My hand is your hand
Your breath is my breath
Encapsulated
Are we

Magnified is love
Inside of thee
I surrender to myself
At thy will of my unspoken word

Hush to myself
As I search
Roaming magnificent
Pearls of an ocean inside

I collapse
In thee a breathless wonder
Amazed is the love
That took me under

I am scared of the day
I don't remember much
about you anymore
I think the day is coming...
getting closer each minutes...

when I woke up this morning
your face was blurry
your voice an echo
I remembered something else
I was doing something different...
I didn't call your name...

I am scared if that day is today...
Weird I don't miss your arms
when I am lying on that sofa
watching our favourite show...

if things should fall apart
between you and me...
I hope I will lose my memory
I won't feel the pain...