My hand
So close to yours
Yet
So far away.
I just want to
Hold them tight
For you to realize
We're meant to be
Together,
To be one.
You lay on my lap
Unintentionally of course
At least in your mind.
But to me it means
More than life.
More than anything.

Tiptoed out of my bed,
not to alert mom and dad,
in a day that now seems in another life,
I went in to the outstretched
hands of mysterious, silent, night,
my secret lover waiting for long,
in our quiet courtyard,
expectant.

The moment I stepped out,
a net so light fell over me,
amazed I looked up to the sky,
and found trapped in a
gossamer net the stars hold,
woven by lightyears far and near.

I pleadingly looked at the moon,
who had a feud going on
with my lover I did suspect,
but she smiled at me and asked
"You are with us, aren't you?"
Yes, I said, and never changed my word
since then.

Do you mean to **** me
with your beauty
and your velvet tongue?

Do you mean to **** me
with your letters
and your sentence ropes?

Do you mean to **** me
with your sudden silence
after all your constant talk
of death?

I sit on the edge of disaster
If I should fall
It wouldn’t matter anymore
I no longer cling to my petty existence
As I once used to
The mantra running through my head tells me to keep my chin up
But I can only lift my head so high, to pretend that I’m okay
I can only struggle to stay afloat for so long
Before my arms grow tired and my neck becomes stiff
I could simply stop struggling to survive
I would not take the air out of my own lungs or the monotonous pulse from my chest
I simply wouldn’t work so **** hard to make sure I wake up tomorrow
I long to rest beneath layers of dirt
Where the doubts and insecurities that gnaw at my skin
Become insignificant thoughts that float in the empty air
Without a troubled mind to invade

i didn't realize
that i could fight abuse
feed starving children
stop someone from smoking
heal someone of cancer
by sitting on my ***
and applying pressure to a button
on my $1,200 dollar
laptop
maybe i should devote
my entire facebook
to this cause
maybe i'll even
start a social media
revolution

cook rice

add plenty
butter,
salt,
pepper

add cookies and cream
or any ice cream

mix it up

You are the jagged pill I dry swallow
A time released capsule of miniature razor blades
cutting my throat ever so intricately
Like a surgeon with shaking hands  
arrogantly carving your name in my vocal folds
so every weezing breath I breathe makes your sound

You are the Rorschach patterns on my skin
the blackest blues and deepest purples
from the night you forced yourself in
telling me you loved me
that this is how love begins
My body a canvas for the darkest hues
and my white sheets a delicate masterpiece
for your intricate artistry

You are the shards of shattered glass
fallen from the mirror now faced
with one thousand mosaic reflections
of a face I couldn't tell you belonging to whom
Maybe you know her?
They're wedged in my knuckles
as the light reflects off of them
making my hands look like diamonds
as close to perfection as I've ever come
to seeing reflected in any part of me

You are the burning end of a Marlboro Red
a bad habit I took up because you won't leave my head
Thoughts of you pour through me daily like hot lead

You are the last midnight
You are the last cold sweat
You are the last nightmare
You are my last regret
You are dead

If you are a lover of words,
you’d understand the
beautiful curse      that befell us,
those who strive and endeavor
with a passion planted inside us
that flourishes and thrives.
Like Athena and her web,
our webs are made of
hundreds of words, woven with
our pencils like needles,
and so we get better at
sewing our works.

A girl
once loved words
wholeheartedly,
but occasionally tried
to let love go
before sewing poems
became her favorite thing
and nothing more.