I washed my hair for the first time in three weeks and
learned to stop walking on tiptoes
                I am the bitter taste at the back of your throat.
Some nights, I turn on every light in the house and sit awake picking skin
from my chapped lips
               I am full-circle and puncture wounds.
I wanted to be the girl to wear her heart on her sleeve but
my armband was embroidered with a *******

I was misinformed. Romanticised.
There isn't romance in 4am shudders, in skin stuck to the teal sofa or the sweat between my
shoulder blades. In yellow stained fingers nicotine or black stained lungs tar.
For protection, I tried pouring a ring of salt - and found myself
sitting cross-legged on the floor
rubbing salt into my wounds
           No ritual can protect me from myself.

I kissed a boy with a fever in hopes that he would burn through my thoughts,
but the flame did not fill the gap between my ribs.
I kissed him, lips chapped, bleeding after.
I kissed a boy hard, to make something there that was not.
The look upon his face was full of adoration until he saw my face,
And for a second he looked into my eyes and I was worried he would see what no one else knew.
But he did not, he only smiled as I walked away, like he was content,
But I was not.
But loneliness burns hotter and meaner than fire.

Child you fascinate me.
Everything about you reminds me
Of everything I longed to be.
You are an embodiment of the earth
Your mossy green eyes
Placed perfectly on tanned skin
Surrounded by light brown hair
That is streaked by sunny days.
Your full pink lips
Never seem to have the ability
To hold back a smile
That would put the brightest stars
To shame.
Child you amaze me.
You defy the binds of society
In a way that I long to do.
Your long black eyelashes
Untainted by paint
And your skin free
Of the concealing mask.
You walk with your face
To the sky
And it is beautiful.
Child you intrigue me.
Your mind is so colorful
I long to know what you are thinking.
You question the world
Not out of fear or suspicion,
But pure curiosity.
Because in your mind
Every answer
Every word
Every living thing
Has endless possibilities
And you are the perfect example.
Child you astound me.
You say what is on your mind
And i wouldn’t have it any other way.
There is no room in your
Heart for bottled up emotions
And your time is far too precious
For words left unsaid.
You live in the moment
With no tolerance for
Those who try to hold you back.
Child you inspire me.
You have this strength and confidence
That I try so hard to master.
You have never been one to
Fear the opinion of others.
You don’t waste your time
Worrying about what they say
Not because you don’t know
But because
you simply don’t care.
You like being you.
And though I know you are
Already aware
I will say it once more, Child
You are good enough
I promise you are

It got so high
Yesterday
That at first
My mom told me that
I just didn't have to do my homework.

99.4

I lay in bed
And cocooned in covers
Because
My skin was warm
But my blood felt like
Liquid polar bear.

99.9

I got bored.

100.3

My mom took my temperature.

101.4

She ran a bath
And the thought
It would be smart
To make it
Feel
Like
Liquid
Polar bear
Again.

102.2

Mom says I hummed.
So she thought I was
Better.
I got out of my
Liquid
Polar
Bear
Tub.

101.7

I climbed back into bed.

102.5

Mom got on a work call.

102.8

I fell asleep.

103.1

My heart rate went down.

103.4

I woke up.

103.6

I

103.7

Couldn't

103.8

Breathe

104.1

104.1

104­.1

But mom was on her work call.

Sly
like a serpent silently
slipping
under the skin
slithering
up though the spinal cord
to secretly settle
inside your skull
where it will sit
and sedate
your senses
with sweet seductive
songs of
sleep

Chilled nights, star lights
Bright with life.
The sheets bundle at the feet.
Too hot.
Too cold.
Toss and turn.
Fetus, log, yearner,
Solider, freefall, starfish.
No position satisfies.
My eyes look to the bear.
A  simple stuffed animal.
Your fur soft, his smell still lingers.
You are apart of me, teddy bear.
My arms and side like a magnet to the bear,
I finally catch some long overdue Z's.