I cut you out.
Dad. Mom. Children.
Pretty house, big kitchen and lovely bedroom suites.
I used to cut out the
things I wished we could have
and then I would tear you up and hate you because I couldn't have you or be you- so go to Hell, Sears catalogue.
Go to Hell and die like I died a little every day when I realized that my little paper dolls were the best that I could ever have.

Normal
That's what you are before it happens.
Death is an abstract concept.
You may have thought about it.
You may have feared it.
But you never think
"Today I could die"

You never thought
Someone would violate
Your integrity
It was just an abstract concept.
You have thought about it
But never really felt it
You never thought
"Today someone might violate me"

But then it happens
I remembered nothing
There was an euphoria
Within me, like all was well
And a contradiction
Tells you to watch you step
hypervigilance

You make peace with death
You smile at it
if you have to have me, please be kind
You don't want it to hurt
So you learn to fight
And you learn to flight.
It's a brave new world

Things that nobody else
Sees as a problem
Send a panic through your gut
And you know it's not a big deal
but what if it is
what if it happens again
There's a new set of rules
As the adrenaline
Creates new pathways in your brain.
There's now a new set of rules
For what should be considered dangerous.

When the blood turns to pain
When the words disappear
When the day can't be long
And the night must be dark

When the moon turns to wane
And the world turns its back
When the stars start to die
And the stairs lead to hell

When the root turns to stone
When the bone turns to dust
When the fire that burns
Leaves everything ash

When the sky turns to grey
When the shine turns to rain
When the sun turns to darkness
And all life is death

When the root turns to stone
When the root turns to stone

I will still be alive
With love in my heart for you

I'm looking for better words,
To describe this inexplicable feeling;
Your exquisite person;
And all these  bubbling emotions;
That seem nourish and destroy me at the same time