I love the way you torment me

Every hour
Every Day

A steel trap I cannot escape

Lost
Lost in myself
Lost in thought

I love the way I torment myself

Lost
Lost in thought

I love the way you torment me

I wish I could go one whole day without thinking
Twenty-four hours of internal silence
Internal bliss
No worries
No hypothetical struggles
Just for one day

My grandparents died when I was 12.
I didn't cry.
My dog, my best friend in the world, died when I was 13.
I didn't cry.
I tore my MCL when I was 14.
I didn't cry.
I  broke my foot when I was 16.
I didn't cry.
I thought I had my heart broken at 17.
I did not cry.

I'm alone now.
I can't stop the tears.

Life is overturning at every opportunity
Dumping me in the cold waters of reality

Hiding in a chemical cage
A beautiful mind peaks out silently,
Letting the cage do the talking.

Imprisoned by false, flawed logic,
Tortured by insecurities
The cage has no door

Locked, trapped, forgotten,
The mind withers,
Bids farewell to reality,
Farewell to itself.

With the stench of both Mary and Jack on his breath
He stumbles and staggers closer to death.
As the days dwindle down and come to an end
He sits alone on the curb, beer spilled on his chest
There he will wait, until it's his time to rest.

Rent
Beer
Loans
Emotions
Money
Cats
Time
Work
Wine
Friends

I'm overwhelmed

If absence makes the heart grow fonder,
Then absence should make love stronger.

But save a
                     few
                            fleeting
                                           finite
                                                      flickers
                                                                        of time gone by,
                                   The magic from before,
                                    The thrill,
                                        The pure bliss,
                                           Is gone.

If absence makes the heart grow fonder,
Why has your return left a hole in my life?

I just want to talk to you,
An adult conversation.
I want to work it out,
All the problems in my head.
I'm scared and feel alone.

Why won't you be there for me?

How could it be?

                                  I've been so naive


                                                                       To think I would believe

That everyone else

                                             Was more like me

The things I would say

If I trusted that you trusted me