I tried to get into your house,
(more like a castle really)
For three years.

For the first year I knocked on your door,
And beat at your gate.
For the second year I waited outside,
Contentedly, assuredly.
By the third year I was ready to leave,
Angry with myself.

But as I packed up,
You called out,
And let me in.

We sat and talked, or walked.
You showed me everything I wanted to see,
Gave me everything I wanted, and more.
In your castle.

For a while things were great,
The years before were minutes.
But then the castle scared you.
It scared me too.
You wanted to leave, and I watched,
As you cried out windows and beat at the walls.
I had only just gotten here.

Then one day you tried to leave,
And I stopped you.

So what now?
You are still stuck in your castle, and I there too.
Though not stuck, I want to be with you.
I wonder should I have just gone home,
And built a castle of my own.

But no.

I will leave this castle, and you will come too.
It may take three more years,
And another three, and another.
But however we get there,
I am no longer I,
And you no longer you.
My friend.

Lips so divine
Pressed up against mine
The thought makes me shiver
The thought makes me blind
Emotion takes over
I feel no demise
I lean in to kiss you
Relaxed with closed eyes
No space is between us
We both are surprised
How touch can erase
Night into sunrise
I’m vividly watching
Though shut is my sight
My vision is clear
When our skin unites
Passionate sentiment
Lustful and bright
Affectionate being
Love me for the night

Take a breath of the morning.
Cinnamon and caffeine.
A new day fresh,
A chance at another way.

Crisp, clean, cold
the feelings, yesterday
so long ago,
compost for our new beginning.

Growing slowly stronger
baby roots take hold.
What is to be resides
in the twists of their turns.

Take a breath deep, and smile
eyes closed, arms wide.
Feel the Sun on your face
growing roots in our souls.

In the light I stand in darkness
In the darkness stands no light
There you'll find me in my shadow
Ambivalent of wrong and right
Deep within me lies a crystal
It shows its sparkle within my eyes
But in my heart there lies the darkness
Forever on going and never dies
The darkness overtakes me
And turns me cold as ice
I hold onto the tiny crystal
It is my soul's one device
For when I think I have no feelings
No love, no hate, no fear
The crystal turns to liquid
And forms a single tear

I'm going to write a poem off the top of my head.
Not sure what I should write, or what should be said.
I sit at this computer, with thoughts flooding through my mind.
Hoping that if I write them out, my fear I'll leave behind.

You see...

I am afraid of everything, but I seem to hide it well.
For most who seem to know me, would not be able to tell.
I tuck my fear inside myself, and go about my day.
If you were to ask how I am, I'd smile and say "okay".

But maybe that's what I'm to do, is keep it all inside.
Take my secrets and bury them, and go away and hide.
For now my shell is all I have, the safest thing I own.
What is a person left to do, when it's their only home?

So if you ever look my way, and see sadness in my eyes;
Keep on going and don't look back, I'll be in my disguise.
For if I see that you noticed, then I will turn away;
And if you were to look again, I'd be smiling and okay.

Lying on the floor
Pretending the ceiling didn’t just fall down
On me

Cause if you were there
I would probably have noticed
The crack

But now it’s empty
Like the egg-formed ball
On me

So if this was surreal
And that other time was reality
I wouldn’t sleep alone

And I’m pretending
The ceiling didn’t fall down
On me

Justify my oddity
Counterbalance this reality
And let me sleep alone

Don’t try to save what’s already lost
When the ceiling falls down
On me

The red bricks
And the eternal sound of rush hour outside
Reminds me that it’s better in here

In this world of subconscious confusion
Where nothing seems to be alright I see you
On me

“Don’t”, I say
Knowing that this will take me where I want to go
But still knowing it won’t

Contemplating the thought of standing up
But there’s blocked, the ceiling is resting
On me

“Strength”, you say
And save me by removing the ceiling
With just one hand

“What is all this about?”
I ask myself, and the poem stops with just one line to be written

How long will I love you?

Imagine that there is a planet
It's as big Jupiter
The planet is made of diamond
one of the hardest substances known

Once, each one thousand years
a swallow flies to the planet
The swallow brushes the planet
with its wingtip and then flies away

When the swallow has worn away the entire planet...
That's when I will think about stopping loving you.

Maybe.

2013.01.08