It gets my attention
I sense it
thumb it
When it isn't present
It is what I look for
When awaking

Lips are too ambiguous
Hips
too calligraphic and
Precious
Fists too ******

So...

I'll stick with
My inanimate object
Glitches n all

pure soul with shining eyes
your absence leaves me wondering why

what could I have done to save you and I
the thought of our love brings me to cry

spending all theses nights watching the sky
getting caught up in our own lies

I want to give it another try
but all i'll get is another goodbye

you shouldn't have left my heartstrings tied
because without your kiss i'll surely die

all these nights writing rhymes
thinking through all the same ****

wasting all my ******* time
hoping luck might come my was a bit

asking myself whats the point to it all
trying to help but wasting my breath

going through stupid medication withdrawal
thinking of ways to bring my own death

everything thing seems to be gray now
I can't even write **** trying to make this poetic.... **** everything

Everything isn't always as you perceive
Judging what you see on what you believe
Your own programming is aimed at you to deceive
The information around you, so you can't retrieve
The memory of how to be free of all the worry
Of how others behave and what kind of hurry
They're in, just begin to cover and bury
The idea that you have to be the judge and jury
Believe me when I say there comes a day
When those that judge will have to pay
For the judgements they pass will find a way
To come back to them to their own dismay

Love flew you in
Like a whirlwind
While I'm waiting by the sea
On some gentle summer breeze

I often fill my head with bile
but when I tell myself a lie
its an unnoted half truth

there was always the hashtag
that sounded to me
how you speak out my name
and to be now, not alone
cries to me, plays, like a wicked game

there's a moment of silence
for the fact there's another
but I, no sorrowing man
know chains meant be broken
life cannot be our pixilated dreams
when reality, like a child's toy
begins to tear at its seams

I hope there is some guilt
I hope this not from a bad place
I hope you can understand and appreciate what it is you had and what it is you've lost and what it is you've gained
I hope you understand there's a person hurt
I hope you understand that it wasn't the wrong choice

I hope for your happiness
I hope for a life for you
I hope for some reason
He's the life
I made promise to

But my stomach will pit
At knowing your bliss
A now long awakened passion
On some long pronounced kiss

I question as a man
If this is who I should be
To want your desires, made true
Sometimes feeling at the expense of me.

To make lofty your pedestal
In spite of this choice
To ache heavily in envy
And not stifle, but hear your voice.

It's a long dormant kind of love
When despite its hurt
They're always the one you want to put above.

Sometimes I wonder if I still get thought about, I mean, I know I must.

I wonder, when you can't sleep, to whom and when your thoughts do creep.

I don't want to be that place in the back of your mind.
That numbs you to your new love, because what you had loved
Is left behind.

2 years ago
I was far from the man I am now
I can only really put who I am
Onto the shoulders of two

But those I felt so dearly to
To whom I'd loved
In another shade of light
Have grown even closer
To who I am
I pray
I ask this give me solace

I am not sloth
I am body bodied forth
Beating the day at its game

Dear depression
Take my outstretched hand
-And you may have my ear too-
But your haunts have no place
In the seat of my being

I am lean
I am not a copy
I am variation
Because you are before me
Changing me
Growing me

When I hold my lover
She will know me
And I her
When my lover speaks
I am wiser and all is well
When she needs space
I will steal myself away
Alone but not lonely

I am not fabricated
I am not walled in
My room is balance
My room is not fear
Come envelop me
Surround me
Throw off the those shadows
That flail in my deepest corners

Inhabit me
And I will be host
To you

I am not tame
My yawp awakens
Dotard gods preying

An exhale of mine
-Deep and full of lust-
Is enough to humiliate
Billions of absentee deities

I am not just your version of me
I am not just me
I am us

For a time..

Peel back your crush
Open up
Let me in

Eyes rolling back
To look for the words
That cannot be had

With five pens
Write your sweet everything's
Into my flexed back

If and when
You space out
And miss
this
my poem
Know this:
I too roam
Within a thistledowned headspace