Hope can be fatal
Unless you hold
What makes
Hope become alive
Unless all you
Can believe in
Is that hope
And nothing else
Can exist
But that hope
To live and become
Something else

What happens when all zones
Of your life are in knots
When nothing can plan out
Even the salt tastes like sugar
Sugar doesn't go well on rice
They teach us to believe
They teach us to keep going
But are we just killing ourselves?
Into the brick wall a million times
the wall has become are friend now
What is one to do when the room
Has gone completely dark
Not a single light in sight
Are you to wait in foolishness
In hope because you can't admit truth
Or is there a different room
Waiting for you to build once again

Trying to get through a break-up
Is as difficult as walking a battlefield
Without dying or losing a limb
There will be heroes
There will be causalities
Many make it across
Many begin new lives
Many help win the war
And everyone is grateful
To reach the end line
Till you step on a landmine

It's late at night this time
You're walking down the street
Listening to the wind and
Your boot heels pound the cement
It's a fast pace tonight
Crisp clean air air into your body
This time had you tired
As people catch your face
When they pass you by
You don't look at them
But they near recognize your face
It's the same feeling
You are their pain
The pain in this world
You've soaked it in for years
And now you've nowhere to go
But where ever you desire
There's blood on your lips
You are crystal clear

None of this should come out
The wrong way, yes wrong
Wanting the words to come
In golden boats to please
That's nothing true and honest
That will sink and be forgotten
The words needs truth
The words need pain
The words need to be unapologetic
They shouldn't be force or manipulated
Let them run free along with your mind
Don't be hesitant or afraid
It never works out right away
But if you keep on keeping on
They'll flow like milk into eternity
Nothing can hold them back
Some words fill in the blank spots
In between the great structures
Not every one will hold the punch
As in everything that is done,
Should be done as a whole, not alone
Combine it all together as one masterpiece
You'll see, after time, it's believable

The hands of time come down
Upon this life of yours
And one day you will not be here
You'll be dust and molecules
And memories if any remain
All the sadness and happiness
You've once felt will disappear
Just like your life, no apologies
And jut like that good song
It all comes to it's end, the end
The marvelous end of the film
And the only part that matters?
The middle of it, the chewy fat
How you live is what matters
So live *******
Drink the drinks and live the nights
Run for president of something
Write the books, draw the drawing
Have your reactions to the mess
Be naked in the morning
Just be careful with the coffee, eh
Build the suits, wear the dresses
Love your fellow human beings
Be comfortable with being uncomfortable
Life will happen soft or concrete
So come on and come on
Have a flow to everything and go

Recently I notice more about myself
Than I have ever once before
Age, experience, money, love
Something that has stood out
The way my brain functions
I let myself go more in than ever
For example, I'm walking
I notice the birds, the cars
The noise, the tree, my footsteps
People, clothes, buses
Women, children, men
I think where are they going
What is that, who is that
Step after step I count my thoughts
Repeating what I see and hear
It's a machine of thoughts
Though. I fear one day
My mind won't snap back
In time to make important decisions
Cross the street on time, stop for traffic
Say hello, or even walk naturally
I think one day in one
Of my golden visions of life
I will be so unaware of my life
So engraved into my thoughts
That I could be stuck in front of
A bus or middle of the street
Or trying to walk through a wall
Who the **** knows
And when I snap out of it
And my senses are all operational
I just laugh and smile
Thinking I've done it again

Staring at the comp
The little worm eats my brain
Hole after hole he digs
Or she, I don't ******* care
It's a worm, you're a human
Spinning on a rock
Floating through space
Let's not make too much of it
Anyway, back to this
As the worm pushes along
******* out your brain mass
You're left with two options
Either you're even more dumb
Than you were before
Or somehow you begin to see
The pattern of your worm
How he eats, where he moves
What he likes and you become
The little worm
Feeding yourself what you need
Knowing that worm is there forever
What will your little worm do now?

You can't believe you'll make
A difference or somehow be
Different from others
If you only do what others
Do just to feel like you are
Making a difference or
Being different because
Those others said so and have
The backing of many others
Saying "We're making a difference"
Typically, if you're being
Accepted by the many, you're
In a group of followers
When you begin to ruffle feathers
That's different and now
You're living a life worthy  of
Being called different
Just LIVE
Those opinions you seek
Don't follow you six feet down

It feels as if the year doesn't
Start till round March-April
I remember there was never really
A start or beginning as a child
The calendar says one thing
The clock tells me more
And I suppose we could follow that
I see the wheels of the year
Slowly begin to turn when
The sun comes back out
It makes more sense that way, I think
Everything begins to hit me
I understand that now,
No more trying to fix last year
It's too late for anything like that
Now I see everyone galloping
Scrounging to figure out who
They will be this year, the big race
But I'll sit from the stands
With the paper and my drink
Knowing **** well we all lose

There are mornings, very early
It is freezing, I can see my breath
I shower, I dress, coffee, etc.
The day is right behind me
And the street is quiet
My distractions begin
My eyes are starting to ache
It all pours in, the worries
I try running into the fresh air
And as I sit in my '66
As it blows hot air and rumbles
I stop and think, it's only a cold day
And I know that the *******
All the mess, all the ******' hell
Won't matter once I start to drive
Once I remember I don't care
About them, their voices
About the trivial, about reactions
I care about my core, in my mind
It's the only way to live
You'll take years off your life
If you give it all to them

Sometimes I feel the way I did
When I first watched,
"Requiem for a Dream"
Jennifer Conolley is on the phone
With Jared Leto
Asking if he was coming home soon
And she's crying and her makeup running
And he is crying and he is scared
And she's losing herself to the world
And he's losing his mind
And it just snaps you in half with pain
That scene made the movie for me
I still feel it, I'm still understanding it

The most beautiful people I've met
Do not live at the wishes of others
But with their eyes closed
And their minds open and full of wonder
As they walk, they walk apart
They aren't chained to society
And the fools who accept it all
They are misread and lonely and afraid
But they live with real emotions
It's all real in life that you call your own
Don't give it up to those
Who can barely see passed the obvious

I'm not cool
Never been cool
I've been with the women
And lived the many long nights
But I was never cool
I was never the "man"
I was just myself
And I can look into the mirror now

I forget why I'm here sometimes
Listening to the world
Everyone gets ******

Sitting on the beaches of Mexico
Away from everything I know
I am no longer myself
I am free
The sands come and go
And I will live forever

So many beautiful people
Walking around the world today
On the sidewalks, the theatres
Ordering lunch, crying on the phone
Community to work by train
Flying to a vacation
Placing a sleeping bag on concrete
Dying from within because
Nobody can see their beauty
The epic battle of soul versus mind
The minds only needs
The heart only desires
Never seeing face to face

For me, everyone can be beautiful
It really all depends on them
And if you judge yourself
By means of eyes which do not
Belong to you, you're doing life incorrectly
Beautiful people are the honest ones
They are unapologetic
They love themselves and we know it
I'm talking about true love here
Not fake eye lashes and fancy cars
I'm talking about those who use
Their imperfections to build
Those who say **** yeah, that's me
When others just look away
People who accept what they can't change
The people who know that once in a while
People NEED to be offended by
What they say or think or act on
You're bat **** crazy if you try to
Get it all correct or all copacetic
You'll fall very short "pleasing" others
Beautiful people just are
Beautiful people are rare

Picking up a camera, does not
Make you a photographer, my friend
Typing away makes you no writer
Buying quality painting supplies
Does not mean you can claim
Being an exquisite painter of art
No my friend, you must crawl first
You must cry, and ache, and suffer
Before you can begin understanding
The task required to say you have
Crossed the line from rodent to artist
It is a struggle before the gravy
People can do it for years
Yet be so far away from true art
Someone can pick up a pencil
And immediately soak into it
Becoming the artist comes from
Your guts, your sleep, your lust for life
Not what you can tell someone
In conversation, or show via the internet
It comes from far more
Many people achieve it,
The few who have may not even know it
****, I know a homeless man who
Cleans windows in a parking lot
Who doesn't accept money without working
Who is more of an artist
Than half the population trying to create
Just don't 'em like they used to
Everyone cares too much, nobody just lives it

I dreamt of you once more
And I was young and you were old
There was much anger in the clouds
That rested above the park
Where we sat with others
Believing this was life, as real as can be
I was confused and happy and sad
A dream within a dream, I thought
My hair was wild, and you grew old
I could barely walk, I might've been drunk
I don't remember the park or place
It was green all around, and had a small shelf
You were not you and I was not myself
But we were exactly who we needed to be
All in a dream within a dream

There should always be
A place in your mind
That disagrees with its counterpart
The outcome of this
Should be your essence

Looking back at our time together
There was never a start date
Nothing that I remember that
Marked when it all became real
It sort of just happened week after week
No asking permission or for an answer
We just knew this was something
It took both of us away from life I guess
Now we are here together still
No anniversaries, no magic first date
And those times when it's all about to end
Fighting like wolves, killing each other
It doesn't end there, the battle dies
And all we have left is a friendship
Then some really, really good ***

There's something wrong with the world
It's filled to the brim with injustice
People on the streets decaying
While the others bathe in champagne
Walking by the homeless or poor
Stabs a knife deep into my back
Do I provide for my own family?
Or do I give away what others can't have?
I assume it falls upon perspective
Perspective really has a full plate does it
And too much responsibility these days

There is so much I worry about
And so much that I dislike
It's only one action, with millions
Of different ways out
And my anxiety sits there laughing
My anger plays a game of chess
At the bar is my apathy
Fools who talk so much of progress
But never move more than two steps
The She's of the world like concrete
Hoping that their prince appears
From the heavens, without ever
Being a princess to begin with
Each month I move slower
But I still have the good fight
Hidden away where they can't find it
I see them with their flashlights
Looking and searching
But it lives only inside me
And my good fight continues
So long as I walk through this fire

He ran up and hugged her
She had tears of joy
Falling down to her neck
They hadn't spoke in 10 years
Since he committed his crimes
It was a soft, quiet morning
He asked for forgiveness
But she could not speak
He let out loud cries
And she only sank deeper
Further away into the dark
She whispered, "Goodbye"

He had loved her so much
But in their time together
Her rarely had said it
Now, 10 years after his death
She dreams of him
He had taken a piece of her

It has to start somewhere
Like all of the greats
You have to start
And you have to suffer
To move forward
Or else, it's worth ****
You have to start
And go mad till you
Achieve what you want
Whether you are mentally
Preparing for your 40s
Practicing your craft
Growing your body and mind
Just start and go mad
With desire for the ride

To me, it's about living
What it feels to be alive
More than just being
Finding that excitement
Within the walls of society
I look for what, to me
Makes me want to live
The blue ocean,
The tall mountain trees,
The long car rides in a '66,
The laughs and late night tears,
Passion in those rare souls,
Art in the eyes of wanderers,
Beauty in each unexpected moment
To me, that's what worth living for
To me, the beauty of the natural world
And the gift we have to enjoy it
Is all we need to pull us through life

The only ones who get through
Life, are the ones who push for it
Never staying on the floors
Without swinging a few back
Maybe not landing many
But then you'll get that one punch
That can change the entire round
Keeping the eyes forward,
Ignoring the distractions
Avoiding the desperation many feel
To obtain attention for spectators
Who are also only looking for attention
Then they move to something else,
The warriors obsessed with themselves
Fighting through the flames to get
Where they know they need to be
So they can truly and wholly
Enjoy the fruits of their life
Not some life society inflates
But a life built with their hands
And as people and interests fade away
They are still there standing
Like monuments and treasures
And they become the gold

You close your eyes
And it's a new path
You close your eyes
And then it's a new path
Time and time again
It's a new path
After you open again
8 hours of sleep last night
A new path
10 minute nap in the afternoon
A new path
Phone call in the morning
New path
Train ride in the evening
New path
No music today
New path
Photo and photo and photo
New path
Sadness
A new path
In which direction will it stay on
Where is heaven on Earth
A new path

My eyes are closed
Head buried in the pillow
The birds outside drink
From the water on the leaves
Rain falls upon the concrete
Right outside my window
I smell the cleansed air
She went to pick apples
It is the first cold morning
Of the approaching season
The birds and rainfall
Own this morning
The fatherly clouds gaze
Down upon them

It's so very comfortable
You're nice and warm
It's been freezing
And these blankets
Have kept in all the warmth
It's too early
To open your eyes
Feeling not so rested yet
Cringing your toes together
Ducking your head back
Underneath the layers
Life starts pulling off the sheets
Can I be sad, for just a little longer?
So you go doze back off again
It's not time to be happy yet

Looking around the room
Buttoning your jacket tight
Feeling the frustration in your palms
As you try to write,
Is the same as it is in life,
Clawing at the brick walls
With your delicate fingers
Hoping to find a way out
And you bleed and cry
An aching body is all you own
The room is dancing a waltz
Not much you can do
Then, the air becomes thin
A loud airplane flies over your head
The only thing you can do
Is just walk through it
Hoping it survives on the other end
Your only tool?
Is remembering everything
You have taught yourself up till now

A love letter does not need
To be to someone specifically
Or to be happy and "in love",
Whatever that even means today
A love letter needs only purpose
Just as life itself needs
There are no rulebooks
When you are born into this
Same goes with letters of love
Love can be about passion
Or an experience long ago
Your love letter can be sadness
It could be expression of fear
Drawing a sunset in words
About a pain felt so hard
A love letter is the feeling you give
To another, the moment you feel it
A love letter is the way you are alive
The words only create the image
It can be your entire soul in 2 sentences

There is evil after each word
Time has lost all value
And Monday's aren't so bad
Funny to think about it
As life has gone, chapters closed
One begins to imagine something
A place that was never told
The hidden face of this world
Simply put, reality - the truths
Not the visual reality of daily life
But the one inside your mind
A reality that is essential
Here we begin to understand that
What makes us so powerful,
Also has the power to weaken us
What we crave like children
Most often surely destroys us
Another day on a calendar
One last chance for good bye
And you begin all over again

Moving forward
At your weakest moment
Surrendering to the truth
And above all,
Accepting the change
Beautiful people,
Doing beautiful things
There's a wild difference
Between what you see
And what you know
Sure a pretty face
Or shiny new car
Even a complete record collection,
I suppose, needed at times,
But have you ever
Sat yourself in a difficult position
Intentionally,
To find out who you are?

Ah, don't look at me like that
There's a simple way inside of me
The dark clouds control themselves
So just give me the books
Let the art clean the air
Pour me that stiff whiskey
She flips through the records
"Strange Fruit" please, if you find it
Leaning back in my chair
As my sons 65' mustang
Roars up our drive way

I can only here the piano
And the waves breaking
Speeding down the coast
But the answers are moving faster
The end is only in my head
I'm not old enough to drink
Now I'm too old for this life
I put the music louder
The tears are coming down
I really like this song
So I go faster
Chasing my questions
I can see the end
It's all my beautiful mistakes

es triste
que en un mundo
como hoy
honestidad
honestidad pura
no es bienvenido
todos necesitan
para convertirse en esta almohada
de comodidad
al diablo con eso
prefiero quemar
y ser libre
que ser
tú

He lived alone along the coast
Small hut he built back in the 20s
He survived the war by
Stranding himself and living off
Critters, tiny insects, and berries
Although he lacked education
He was severely intelligent
Struggling most his life to stay alive,
He would write poems to women
That he never met, but only
Thought up to pass the time:

"I saw you in my sadness
One night we were alone
We had no clothes on
But we were no longer cold
There was fruit out for us
And blankets on the floor
In front of a small fire
I would kiss your back
And with each kiss
Upon your glowing skin
You had shed a tear
First from the left eye
And then a tear from the right
I kissed you over and over
Never asking why you cried
Because your turned around
With an enormous smile
And kissed me on the mouth
And held me so tightly

Later you told me that each tear
Was a layer of yourself
Peeling off
A bad memory in the past
It was you losing pieces
Of who you once were
Of what you once knew
And you wanted to start over
Tonight with me
Right here in front of the fire"

He wrote poems and ate berries
For the rest of his life

Ever had that moment
When you meet someone
Catch their big eyes
And you absolutely knew
When you opened your eyes
That that person was meant
Exactly for that moment
Yeah, well, make that person your life
And know that each moment
Was meant to be lived
With a pounding heart
A fist of gold, glass of honey
Good or bad the moment
That's life talking, take it

The artist must become a whole
Completely obsessed with their art
Obsessed with who they are
Truly, who they are
Without hesitation
Infatuated about how they create
The art that makes them be,
What it makes them live for
From how they take their coffee
To every moment of a good ****
Reading in peace at dawn,
Picking fruit from a grocery store
The truest of artists are always lost
Lost in their own mind
Unconcerned with the lashing of
Society's moral tongue
Pushing themselves out to sea
Creating only to be alive from within
Where it all counts,
And it all has some value

A wounded tiger
Bleeding across the jungle
Deeper into the night
Appears a fawn,
Who is eager to lead him to water
Step by step to the river
Blue moonlight hits
The tigers scarred back
Glowing blood, dripping down
No road was never straight
The tiger knew how to survive
His fawn kept the light in front of him

Art will come and go
And grow and be bold or ugly
It will transform lives, sculpt beauty
It will capture phenomenal imagination
Lead to new places or people
Change an entire perspective
Open a closed mind,
Expand an eager mind
Art is in us all
So ladies, if the man you seek
Is unapologetic in his art
Be open to all his personalities
Help cultivate the many characters
That he may have shown you
Don't hold them under water
And fellas, be men, be gentlemen
If your woman you hold true
Has bigger wings than your ****
Don't be weary, become nurturing
A woman's fire should burn and burn
Women who are creating art is better
Than the story of creation itself
We owe it to each other to let art live

Funny some days
When things won't go your way
And you see them nice cars
People enjoying their ice cream
Idiots smiling, arms full of insecurities

And you're in a boxing ring
With one woman eating at your soul
The mother of your child,
Bending your legs into halves
The one who brought you,
Screaming in the corner,
Loser! Shmuck! Mistake!
Circling, are challenged hyenas from work
Poking into you
Like an animal in a cage

And as your ******* sweats
Walking towards your train
You think to yourself,
They won't even see it coming
When you gotta wake up one day,

Tear everything to ****.
Eat everything in your path.

When you don't carry heavy pockets
When the sun isn't shinning
When the rain is drowning you
And the trees are chasing you
The women are laughing at you
Your children can't see you
Your belly aches
And you're waking up alone
Shivering and the door is open
Listening to the howling in the night
So you ******* howl back
You're laying there on the floors
Time is passing you by
You've swam out so far
The coast is lost and it's dark
There is no dove to save you

That's when it happens.

And now you're here
Now you are here

The hands of time play the fiddle
Each moment, a year  floats on
Each day, another decade turns
Many close their eyes
Sticking a needle in their arm
Hoping for the wave to crash
Others drink nectar from soft *******
Soothing their heart till night fall
Waking up only to close their eyes
The world can open up it's wings
All you feel is the smoke of the fires
I'll sit here with my glass
Waiting for a silence so pure
The ocean and skies would enjoy
As the soft whisper of death rests

It goes without saying,
That at the end of each day
There is a simple wish I
To enjoy good music,
Be good at my work,
And sit quietly under the sun
Enjoying a good drink
After an endless day
Here is to being alive, cheers

Nothing beats the fresh mountain air
The coast and it's insurmountable elegance
Or the soft touch in the morning by loving eyes
Those are good cards to play when it gets rough
When the weeds of daily life erupt
So build up those memories
Keep them hidden behind your sore eyes
For life will know when it can test you best
When it can pull your through the dirt
Making a man out of those hands
As you lay there, lifeless, bleeding, and over
When you are most lost and you rather fold
Remembering each laugh, each kiss, each drink
And you can't grab hold of anything
Because the waves are just too hard today
Look into that deck of cards, my friend
What whatever chance you find
You go for that win, that last pleading hope

Summer is almost here
90 degrees reflect off my mirror
There's a woman on the beach,
Alone with her basket of treats
A father cuts fruits along the roadside
Palm trees keep everyone's secrets
I reach my destination and order a drink
Thinking to myself,
"Everyone outta get drunk here and there."
How can you know who you are,
When you haven't given yourself
The chance to explore the darkness
You've captured with your eyes
You need to let yourself go,
Releasing the emotion and passion
Becoming a light in the room
Knowing a truth so pure
Like the fruits on the road
The magic in the sky
Sitting in the sun, without a worry at all

Listening to the piano man in the corner
Sipping on Spanish wine by the window
The soft breeze pushing on through
Woke up this morning in a daze
There is so much beauty in the world
So much pain and confusion
The answers to it all right in front of me
But I can't move my arms
My legs are still, my body is aching
MY mistakes keep happening
The past continues to leak into my present
With each hand of the future
I crawl and crawl till I am free
These mistakes are such heavy tools
At times too heavy for me
Too heavy to see or touch
When will I learn., when will this  go on
I've asked life to heal me
I've considered the worst
Tomorrow is bleeding
But today I am not free