It comes back in fragments,
Washing up on the shore like pieces of sea glass
I pick each unique piece up individually,
I see that each fragment is in some way a part of me
How could it possibly be,
That I could be so many things
In just one body?

Each piece put together leads to a culmination of sorts
An amalgamation that is the masterpiece of me
The maturation that leads to the finale
I look into the mirror and am so proud
For a jubilant child I once was
But a sad teenager
Then a balanced adult
Adult?

There is something fascinating about this whole life thing
Like looking up to the stars
In an expansive sky,
And I'm breathing while
Looking into another human's eyes
And we're smiling
Life has it's pain
But if it's unbearable, why do the good times make living so worthwhile?

Remnants of glitter nail polish
Stick like war veterans to my finger nails
Un-willing to let go
I'm amused by this analogy and symbolism and everything I can see that I can't quite describe
No, I have no words for the nuances
Maybe, I think,
If I learn more words I'd be understood better
But it's not with words that we primarily communicate
But with tones and expressions and subtleties
Only in observation of intricate details
Are we capable of marvelling at the ingenuity of Creation

And if anyone has ever left you,
Abandoned you
Because they lost their heart along their journey
Fret not,
Do not fear that all your love was for naught
For you are the expansive star child
That is capable of holding so much love within you without bursting,
Combusting or imploding
Each drop of love you put out into this world is never without value
It may fall upon barren land and fail to produce the desired result of untainted love
But it is never your fault when your call and outpouring of love is rejected or ****** up greedily by a poor, self-serving soul
Who will try to use your love for their own selfish gain
But they will fail miserably,
For love cannot be used with malicious intent

These are just some lessons that I've learned, they have grown my soul
Into a limitless, expansive, blossoming rose
Fear not, dear one
You who have weathered countless storms
Your stories will make you stronger
And your soul holds you ever so gently in it's loving arms.

Time and words within that time
And feelings
And cutting away everything that doesn't matter anymore
Trying my best to stay present and tuned in
But always succumbing to my daydreams
Vivid daydreams
Bold pictures and fantasies of what was and what could be

Tears, hot cold tears
Hitting my cheeks hard
But my heart can barely feel the pain
Of the rain draining from my eyes
I sit numb for hours, days, weeks
As people speak to me about their mediocrity
Nagging off my ear with all their trivialities
I nod, un-amused, slowly rotting away
Looking past them into the dimension of my unmet dreams,
The only place I like to be

Decipher, feel, try to become "real"
Disconnected and bored
Reaching for meaning but I always end up empty handed
Reaching too much, reaching too far...
When was the last time I was happy? Purely happy without an agenda?
Childhood.
Adulthood has corrupted me and everyone else around me
Peter Pan, let me be your Wendy.

Exhale on three,
While soaking in the summer breeze
Finally, I find my mind and body at ease
And within my chest my heart beats with cheer
I feel fine, happy, content just right here

Everything swiftly falling into place
Look at this smiling face reflecting back at me,
I look into my eyes and I see
The tension is no longer lurking in the creases,
It's been released
I've been freed from the stresses that had once stricken me,
I'm calmer, like the bottom of the ocean,
Steady and still.

Summer has a mysterious way of bringing me relief,
Maybe it's all that vitamin D
From the sun burns I get with my porcelain skin
Summer reminds me of all the good times of being a kid
It just makes me so happy to live

Summer's relief is the antidote to my grief,
Taking my bouts of disbelief
And disproving my agony with sprouting lush life surrounding me,
Confounding me
Filling my heart with awe
For how much beauty is here
On this gorgeous Earth,
Spinning in air.

lush cornucopia of greens
and overlapping canopies.
rays filtered through
somewhat a broken lens.

an arbour found
which carelessly took root.
calling out,
inviting,
offering sanctuary
from the shrill calls
of the turbulent outside.

a harbour
to which my heart
had taken to.
and had intended to stay.

but such is the nature
of man.

     no other man's peace
          can be left unruffled.
     no other man's cocoon
          can be left unravelled.
     no other man's haven
          can be left uninvaded.
     and no other man's trove
          can be left unraided.

like before I'll have to go.
and just like man's exploratory nature,
I leave seeking another
unfound recluse.
inadvertently,
paving the way for more to come.

A coy fish necklace sits atop my collarbone
A symbol of growth
For the coy fish's growth is in proportion to the size of it's dwellings
The bigger the pond, the bigger it will grow

I live in a self created world imbued and marinating in meaning
Symbols with stories and so much significance
Objects being personified by the experiences in which the object accompanied me
These symbols both tangible and intangible,
With body and without body,
Are extensions of me
Like arms protruding from my sides,
Deeming me a Hindu goddess

It's getting harder to deny the interconnectedness of everything
And how I am simultaneously in shock and in awe
Of this chaotic masterpiece like a James Pollack piece,
Called life
So simple, yet erratic, untimely, unpredictable,
Enigmatic, glorious, timeless and bursting at the seems with profuse possibility
So brutal and beautiful, I must concur.

And what is it all without meaning,
Why awake another day to a dull definition of self and purpose
When you can fabricate a magical tale of wonders
In which you are the Heroine?

Boy meet girl,
Girl meets boy,
That's how it goes
With utmost certainty
She a beauty, that's for sure
And he's the one dazzling star
That fills up her sky
Their eyes meet
And in those swift seconds
It cannot be denied
That the love that flows between them
Is silent but ever so real

They take things slowly, a little too slow
Because they have both been burned before,
Deluded and parched from unrequited love
They share obvious smiles and subtles signs
Just to pass the time
Because they're both not quite ready to jump in,
Sometimes they worry if they're wasting their time,
But God reassures them that their patience will eventually culminate into the love they wish for,
The love they so dearly deserve

They have sweet dreams of each others smiling faces
It's the small things that start to matter most to them,
People ask: how can you know he likes you?
Maybe it's the curve of his smile that tells me,
The sparkle in his eyes,
Or the kindness that flows through him and touches my heart
Maybe it's in the way he says my name
Or how sometimes he just looks at me, for a split second,
Without words, looking like he's trying to say something but is rendered speechless
Or when he walks in the room and meets my eyes with his first,
Or how when he says goodbye to us friends he looks into my eyes and smiles...
And I smile back
It's just the little things, see?
We're not making out, fondling each other or whispering sweet and redundant nothings in each other's ears
We are reveling in the subtleties
Soaking in every little clue with such intense joy
Treasuring every small step towards our goal:
The true love our hearts long for.