I stand in front of a mirror. If anyone knows my face, it’s me. The grandeur of ego.

I’m bored with:
My prominent brow
My acne
My picket fence teeth
My collagen

My flaws
are like skyscrapers
No matter how high
I look
my biggest landmarks
scrape
the empty blue sky

I’m tired of
my face being wet
after I cry
I miss the drought

I miss being dry
with my humor
and my ambitions

I miss plain
white eyes
wide smiles
hair
music
not this wave of social indecency

I’m stranded
here on in this valley
it’s a massive grave
a hole I dug

no chains when I’m enslaved
just bad dreams
and flat tires

I black out locations
on road maps
to places I saw as a child
Miami and Key West don’t exist
Neither does Bumfuq, Egypt

If they do exist
it’s in another realm
where people see
through black ink

There we stood
once, at the edges
of the valley
“I’ll race you down.”
Oops.

Stop it.
Right now.
I’m tired of you.
Your problems.
Sincerely,
New Friend

I’m tired of
being insane
being depressed
being lonely

Sobriety
makes you all miserable
trying staying that way
your whole life

Hey look!
passive aggression
it’s tied to my big toe
it’s my anchor
to reality

It repuls[e]s me
to t[h]ink about
what you put
in you[r] ve[i]ns
when y[o]u had
absolutely [n]o
one to hold
you.

I’m falling
again
I brought
parachutes
and kit kat bars
you know
how it goes

Remember that day?
We had some animal
blood
we used it as ink
at the fast food place
on a $1 paper board
to protest your
departing.

Remember that day?
We had ******* ***
a lot of it
I tasted your blood
on your tongue
I almost
threw up

Remember when
I came to your house
and you recorded me
playing guitar badly
for your music

There was that time
where my ex was
following me
everywhere
You told me
she was an
EMOTIONAL
TERRORIST
you helped me
I admired that
Now we don’t talk

Remember that day
we listened to AFI
at the In-N-Out
drive thru
at midnight
I held your hand
in the back seat
while I threatened
a fat man eating a burger
That was exciting

Remember
when I first
kissed you
in the dark
of your
apartment?

I haven’t
seen you
in a week
and we
don’t call
each other
You’re
my best
friend
sometimes

And you
I didn’t forget
about my dearest
friend

Yes
I miss you
crazy
*******
thing
memory is

I’m going to sleep
I miss seeing the sky
at the early hours
it would be red
or purple
or anything
I want you to see it
with me
in the desert
before I leave

we’ll be friends

under the stars

as far as anyone else is concerned:

bye.

or so that song goes
listening to AFI on a walk
I keep crawling back
to catch your shadow
gangling at the window
your black face
and nose of pink
all awkward and scrunched
yet as I approached
you rub against my leg
and stretch in ecstasy
dry wild grass or powdered snow
shadowed forever
in my memory

mom,
i wish you knew,
how i cried myself at night,
wanting someone to hug me so dearly,
as i shuddered myself being consumed by the darkness,
the darkness with no ray of hope nor trace of light,
those sacred words that came from an imbecile's mouth,
struck my fragile heart,
those nightmares kept on haunting me,
as if it happened yesterday,
how i wish,
you could wrap me in your arms with warmth,
a warmth that no one could proffer.

-afi-

As i keep on walking aimlessly,
under the shimmering lights,
with a lot of thoughts on my mind,
i noticed a solitary figure,
under the lamp post,
what a face i saw that day,
gloomy yet soothing expression was looking at me,
a face that put me at ease,
i chuckled while saying "ah,so this is what a warmth without physical touch feels like" to myself,
i wish i can froze and captured those moment,
a warmth that i could ever forget,
i passed by him,
while hoping that we could meet again someday,
in the future.

-afi-