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UnReality
Much Love and Beauty to anyone who looks
75/M/Prescott, Arizona
Retired. Thirty five years as a Respiratory Therapist Hiker, writer, music lover, photographer (shutter-bug), poet.
Poems
Mateuš Conrad
Aug 2018
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Mateuš Conrad Oct 2018
"MGTOW" monk
Mateuš Conrad
Oct 2018
.some people throw this phrase a lot... how people people have no, "internal" voice, how their thinking is not elaborate in terms of an "audible" narrative... i propose an alternative... given the original Freudian trinity... if the ego is the unit of what consciousness constructs... then the id is the unit of what the unconscious deconstructs: to arrive at an ego... what i've experienced is an automation, which could explain why i dream so little, and so rarely... my ego became "silent"... i still "think", by heart still has a a heartbeat which i cannot regulate... but my cognitive "silencing" is due to... my ego having evaporated, and its "non-existence" has become known to the unconscious... and the id has taken over... and the id? in the realm of consciousness? it's precisely what i've experienced: its silence... considering that the id orientates itself in the unconscious in terms of images, dreams are the respective thoughts of the id, when compared to the ego... i am dispossessed of the ego, or rather the ego's "audibility" - it would appear i am conscious of the id outside the originate realm of the unconscious, which would explain my primitive dreams, or lack thereof... if the ego is the 1 within the confines of consciousness, while the id is the 0 within the same confines... then the id is the 1 within the confines of the unconscious, and the ego is 0 within the same confines... hence? along the Kantian lines, 0 = negation, 1 would therefore equal: affirmation... well then... the following equations as explanations:
ego = 1 in consciousness: "audible" cognition,
a "voice" / a "soul"...
ego = 1 in the unconscious,
"non-cinematic" dreaming,
a direction, a purpose,
an avoidance of nightmarish
voodoo dreams... all fairies and unicorns...
changing the rhythm of the heart,
or thus empowered, subsequently?! really?!
id = 1 in consciousness,
whatever "audible cognition" implies at
this point...
well... more a disembodiment or, re-embodiment,
thinking is no longer, "audible",
but shrapnel, it requires an external
"*****" of architectural prospects...
a blank page will do, with two idle hands
in support...
id = 1 in the unconscious...
a pristine hierarchy of organs
being, what they are: clocks...
and perfectly dreaming...
with / without exhausting the day-dream
imagination faculty of...
what all day-dreams are:
a desire to return to the dream-state...
ego = 0 in consciousness
id = 1 in the unconscious
(you're actually enforcing a state
of non-thought, perhaps meditating)...
ego = 1 in consciousness
id = 0 in the unconscious...
(chances are you're daydreaming...
gagging for something akin to
an L.S.D. trip...
since there's no one to mention
the cohesion of the unconscious with
a present id, that isn't distracted
by the fetish of, "the one" in your consciousness...
well... what do you expect?
maybe this is difficult
to muster... the rudimentary schematics of
reducing it to a binary language whereby
a mere number hides what becomes
a transition of the id as the ego-consciousness...
and relegates the ego as the id-unconscious...
isn't this what robotics is all about?
the subconscious is... nothing much...
the osmosis no-man's land...
the membrane of this dynamic...
sure... you can explore this dynamic...
and no... they're not banning free speech...
what they're banning is...
the fear of a free speech that doesn't
entertain the practice of dialectics...
they're hunting down the sort of people...
who... echo chamber...
this current wave of attacks on free speech
isn't an attack on free speech per se...
but the sort of free speech that either:
doesn't "force" people to shut up...
or... doesn't propagate the practice of dialectics.
clearly some men do not love music
much...
clearly some men do not have
to endure their own company,
clearly some men did not have
to endure playing on their own,
clearly some men have never had
an experience with the religiosity
of monks...
clearly some men have never spent
a week or so in a resort like Taizé...
clearly some men prefer to play
an existential poker...
but as the monks at
the Magdeburg Castle figured out...
just one public house will not hurt
anyone... by the way?
did you know that the original
was not built from red bricks?
gray-white bricks...
like a ghostly barricade of laments
and towing chains shadows...
the longest relationship i was in
lasted for a few months...
it was hell at the end of it...
so i stopped looking...
i had no existentialist Darwinism
argument going for me...
and... well... it's pretty hard
to be senile and impotent
when intimidated by a precursor
of about 9 prostitutes sitting
in the waiting room,
having the audacity to ask one
of them: can one of you chose me?
being replied:
you can't do that...
with the counter: oh... you're
talkative... come on...
let's make this coming
a New Year's fireworks display
on the Thames...
what?!
needing a conversation partner?
last time i've heard...
was... the best conversation spar
you'll ever have...
is when your ego stops
pretending it "thinks"...
the ego does as much thinking
as the id hides behind
the unconscious
mechanical perfection of the heartbeat!
****!
honestly...
once i'm being fed new music by
someone like jools holland,
and the ***** / whiskey keeps flowing?
why would i subject a woman
to something my grandmother
would call a misery challenged
by hell, which she describes my
uncle's life as, whenever he shackled down
to a brief relationship status?
senile? infertile?
oh i'm pretty sure my genetic
analogue is going to prosper...
i'm checking out...
as a child i was forced
to eat raw garlic to help me recovering
from a cold...
this, current, ****?
i'm eating none of it...
i'll be asking Satan for a slice
of pork...
given it's the new, forbidden
"fruit"...
shove it down my mouth
or feed it through my ***...
whatever...
when i loved women,
i loved women...
but...
ever, by accident,
eat a bay leaf?!
i can do sour, i can do sweet
in whatever excess...
salty... well... just get some sea water
through your nose...
but bitter?!
can't stomach that ****...
a statement akin to:
no offense is not really going
to work here...
i tried to figure why
being alone didn't intimidate me,
why i was alone,
but not lonely...
and i figured...
for what i write?
i'm pretty much cognitively
impaired...
i'm pretty much worth
the sinking / drowning sensation
of a watermelon lodged into
a puddle of rain with a depth of
half an inch.
ego = 1 in consciousness: "audible" cognition,
a "voice" / a "soul"...
ego = 1 in the unconscious,
"non-cinematic" dreaming,
a direction, a purpose,
an avoidance of nightmarish
voodoo dreams... all fairies and unicorns...
changing the rhythm of the heart,
or thus empowered, subsequently?! really?!
id = 1 in consciousness,
whatever "audible cognition" implies at
this point...
well... more a disembodiment or, re-embodiment,
thinking is no longer, "audible",
but shrapnel, it requires an external
"*****" of architectural prospects...
a blank page will do, with two idle hands
in support...
id = 1 in the unconscious...
a pristine hierarchy of organs
being, what they are: clocks...
and perfectly dreaming...
with / without exhausting the day-dream
imagination faculty of...
what all day-dreams are:
a desire to return to the dream-state...
ego = 0 in consciousness
id = 1 in the unconscious
(you're actually enforcing a state
of non-thought, perhaps meditating)...
ego = 1 in consciousness
id = 0 in the unconscious...
(chances are you're daydreaming...
gagging for something akin to
an L.S.D. trip...
since there's no one to mention
the cohesion of the unconscious with
a present id, that isn't distracted
by the fetish of, "the one" in your consciousness...
well... what do you expect?
maybe this is difficult
to muster... the rudimentary schematics of
reducing it to a binary language whereby
a mere number hides what becomes
a transition of the id as the ego-consciousness...
and relegates the ego as the id-unconscious...
isn't this what robotics is all about?
the subconscious is... nothing much...
the osmosis no-man's land...
the membrane of this dynamic...
sure... you can explore this dynamic...
and no... they're not banning free speech...
what they're banning is...
the fear of a free speech that doesn't
entertain the practice of dialectics...
they're hunting down the sort of people...
who... echo chamber...
this current wave of attacks on free speech
isn't an attack on free speech per se...
but the sort of free speech that either:
doesn't "force" people to shut up...
or... doesn't propagate the practice of dialectics.
clearly some men do not love music
much...
clearly some men do not have
to endure their own company,
clearly some men did not have
to endure playing on their own,
clearly some men have never had
an experience with the religiosity
of monks...
clearly some men have never spent
a week or so in a resort like Taizé...
clearly some men prefer to play
an existential poker...
but as the monks at
the Magdeburg Castle figured out...
just one public house will not hurt
anyone... by the way?
did you know that the original
was not built from red bricks?
gray-white bricks...
like a ghostly barricade of laments
and towing chains shadows...
the longest relationship i was in
lasted for a few months...
it was hell at the end of it...
so i stopped looking...
i had no existentialist Darwinism
argument going for me...
and... well... it's pretty hard
to be senile and impotent
when intimidated by a precursor
of about 9 prostitutes sitting
in the waiting room,
having the audacity to ask one
of them: can one of you chose me?
being replied:
you can't do that...
with the counter: oh... you're
talkative... come on...
let's make this coming
a New Year's fireworks display
on the Thames...
what?!
needing a conversation partner?
last time i've heard...
was... the best conversation spar
you'll ever have...
is when your ego stops
pretending it "thinks"...
the ego does as much thinking
as the id hides behind
the unconscious
mechanical perfection of the heartbeat!
****!
honestly...
once i'm being fed new music by
someone like jools holland,
and the ***** / whiskey keeps flowing?
why would i subject a woman
to something my grandmother
would call a misery challenged
by hell, which she describes my
uncle's life as, whenever he shackled down
to a brief relationship status?
senile? infertile?
oh i'm pretty sure my genetic
analogue is going to prosper...
i'm checking out...
as a child i was forced
to eat raw garlic to help me recovering
from a cold...
this, current, ****?
i'm eating none of it...
i'll be asking Satan for a slice
of pork...
given it's the new, forbidden
"fruit"...
shove it down my mouth
or feed it through my ***...
whatever...
when i loved women,
i loved women...
but...
ever, by accident,
eat a bay leaf?!
i can do sour, i can do sweet
in whatever excess...
salty... well... just get some sea water
through your nose...
but bitter?!
can't stomach that ****...
a statement akin to:
no offense is not really going
to work here...
i tried to figure why
being alone didn't intimidate me,
why i was alone,
but not lonely...
and i figured...
for what i write?
i'm pretty much cognitively
impaired...
i'm pretty much worth
the sinking / drowning sensation
of a watermelon lodged into
a puddle of rain with a depth of
half an inch.