I look in the mirror and hate what I see
A broken shell where 3 months before everything
Was finally working out
Own place, happy relationship career taking off

Now I look and see a empty apartment
All alone, career on pause
Stand still in the moment
Looking at the mirror disgusted by my body

I can barely look at it
Barely want to be touched
Afraid to be again

Sinking once again
Trying to fix my mental
But then that night happened
And now i dropped, hard and fast

Hard to love yourself when you feel broken

I used to be the friend who people went to
When they were scared, afraid
I was there to protect and shelter them
No one hurt them with me standing by their side

But when I'm on that end

What happens when you feel broke
When you feel scared and vulnerable
Like it's my fault I'm the problem
When happens when I can't look myself in the mirror without crying?
What happens now

What happens when the protector becomes broken?

Once again minutes after coming home
I tell myself it's been a long day
Tell myself it's just a drink
But the bottom is deep as a well

Will this be the one that pushes me over
The edge that is narrower than a line

Will I spiral completely out of control,
Will I still have a relationship with my kids
Or will I become a distant memory
Of a parent who couldn't be there

I stare into the bottle two sides waging
A war over my future but which one will become mine?

Don't ever underuse I love you
Especially to your friends who need it
Don't ever go to bed angry at someone
Work it out before so you both are on the same page the next day

When you look at life in rose colored glasses
The red flags sometimes look like flags
When one friend doesn't like someone
Out of everyone you know, listen
They may see something you don't

And the biggest life lesson of all?
Protect your heart over anyone else's
You only get one and your happiness
Is the must important

Made me giddy when we just made plans
I had to get ready, shower, outfit change
Get out the door and get there early

I was nervous as hell as we sat talking
Hoping she couldn't see the nervousness
As I got lost in her smile and eyes

This feeling I haven't felt before
Nervous like I'm back in school
Asking a girl out for the first time

It excites and scares me whatever this
Feeling is

I struggle everyday with it
I'm not close to loving myself yet
But I'm seeing changes
I'm more confident than before

Talking to new people from places and sites where before it would go 1, 2
Then never hearing from them again

I'm making new friends now
Because I'm more confident in myself
Talking to people, feeling myself

I still have a long way to loving myself
But I'm making progress at least

Follow me down this twisted road
Through the dark, through the turns
Follow me down this path
That leads through my mind

You might get scared you might want to hide
But don't worry you'll get out in time
Away from this mind that is mine

Follow me though my mind
Read these poems and these lines
And tell me do you still want to be mine?