she likes older men
because Ty said boys
like *****, and he tells
me that librarians are
**** when I say I have
a full bookcase at
home, when he
says he doesn't
read, when he
ditches me on
July 4th to
get drunk
prays before
his meals but
says that he
would ****
my friends
if I broke
his heart.

we are the outliers
the ones with plain
souls, the girls they
loved before they
were found, we
are the hearts
before the
discovery
we are
not
the


discovered.

watch you find a girl
that's better at drawing
that loves to hike and
lets her leg hair grow
she's patterned all up
and down and listens
to the Doors, plays with
your record player while
the evening stripes in on
her legs the shape of the
blinds, probably smells
like patchouli or maybe
honeysuckle and her
hair makes you forget
about the fact that I
exist, makes you
forget about
they way
I was
there

sometimes describing
your face absolves me
of all the things I did
wrong, people see it
on my lips, *ask me,
ask me about Chris

Make a wish on your necklace clasp
he's thinking about you when you
sneeze I wonder if you see hallmark
cards and think of me, if you read
Monte Cristo and wish I was
Haydée, if you grow flushed
during that chapter of The
Great Gatsby where your
voice broke twice and  
you let your head fall
back, I miss the ways
I could make you
do that.

One day I hope he will know that
contrary to popular belief
I am NOT obsessed with superheroes
or constantly read comic books
that though I enjoy black and white pictures
and old jazz songs
one of my least favorite subjects was history
that though I will deny it to my death bed
I love wearing dresses and would rather daisies to roses
that I am absolutely terrified to watch scary movies
and will forever hate the dark
except on the rare occasions on which I get to star gaze
that I go to sleep at 4 o'clock almost everyday
no matter what time I fall asleep
that I love the taste of coffee and tea
that I dislike marshmallows after the first one
that I feel too deeply and over-think too often
that I hate technology
but I express myself best through writing
One day I hope he will know
the real me
But more than that
I hope he will know that I was
the most me when I was
with him (you)
I hope that one day
you will be him.