Since you left
(for the second time)
Every door closing,
Shower running,
Or clank,
Or shuffle,
Or creak,
Brings my heart
To attention
Ready
To welcome you home.

It's unsettling
(Fundamentally)
When the thing
You yearn for
From the one
Who once
Yearned for you
Just
Isn't.
Unsettling to keep wanting
Unsettling to stop.
Unsettling to settle.
But then -  
Someone has got to run the dog before 10.

I guess I imagined things
Differently.
That our Love
Wouldn't flow
Down the path
I'd worn bare
When I was too young
To know
I was a person.
I must have imagined a person
Before I was she
And maybe while
And maybe now that
I seem to have forgotten
The kinds of things
That made up
My edges
That fit so well
With yours.

I watched you,
Today,
Hesitate,
While you watched them
From the easy edges.
And I remembered
What it's like
To just be
And to be
Just out of reach
And to notice
No one
Is reaching.
I watched you watch
Today.
And notice.
And hesitate.
But when I reached,
You were gone.

Yesterday
I needed
To feel
The ground
Solid
And deep
Under
My feet.
I needed
To feel
My legs
Solid
And strong
On top of
My mat.
And when
My legs
Felt weak
Yesterday
I needed
To feel.
And when
The ground
Felt
Shaky
Today
I needed
To need.
And it was ok
Because I’d practiced.

I forgot,
Today,
To pick
A beat
To set
My flow.
Instead,
I found
The rushing
Of my breath
And the creaking
Of my bones
And the popping
Of my joints
And the whispered screeching
Of my muscles
In the silence.
I remembered,
Today,
To hear
My flow
Set my beat.
And the closing chords
Were lovely.

I peer
Towards the flame
From behind
The gauze of,
“I wish,”
And
“What if,”
And
“Why can’t,”
And it is dark
There.
And it is dark
Until
My breathing seeps
Between the edges
Separating
Wishes from
Cants
And why nots
From what ifs.
And here
I am now
In the clear
Flickering
Light
Of the morning.