I pinch myself sometimes
marveling quietly
that it is me you love
wondering
how did I get so lucky
how did the others
the ones before me
miss it
how did they not see
that the love you give
and how you give it
is truly remarkable
quietly I wonder at this
for fear 'they' might now see
the rare beauty of your love
and try
to steal your heart away
from me.

J.C.

when the light
is becoming obscured
by the black dots of panic
closing in
increasing
in number and volume
buzzing and fusing together
you pull me in
draw me back
peacefully
your voice, your love
guides the stillness in
the warm blanket
of your loving care
calmly
gifts me the pause needed
to find my centre again
to not feel alone
or isolated
it is a new thing for me
not dealing alone
feeling your love
and how you give it
the power it has
to soothe my fractured soul
turn the black dots of panic
into shimmering glints of light
golden and dusted opalescent
how is it
you can both thrill me
and instil such deep peace
at the same time?

J.C.

when I think of your hands
traversing my body
your breath dusting my skin
and your kisses
constructed of love
dancing
over my lips
my neck
******* thighs belly
traveling between
the valley of my hipbones
finding shelter
in the garden of my ***
I feel my pulse quicken
the tiny hairs on my skin
all stand to attention
and the pull deep in my belly pit
becomes a homing beacon
seeking you out

I want to map your body
with my kisses
set guidelines
with my tongue
navigate you
until
every inch of your being
all your coordinates
are locked forever
in my unconscious mind
so at any given time
I can follow the lines
explore you
discover your hidden wonders
exclaim "eureka!"
and plant the flag of my love
firmly in your heart
you feel like coming home
forever in your arms is
the place I'm meant to be

J.C.

he is warmth
like the sun kissing my skin
he is nourishing sweetness
like raw honey on my tongue
he is peace
like a cool stream deep in the forest
he is a deep calm
like stillness felt just before dawns break
he is pure happiness
like a summers day at the beach at 8 yrs old
he is sweet wonder
like 1000 butterflies first upward flight as one
he is unutterable joy
like feeling his love pour down on me
he is my love, he is my honey bee
he is the panacea that set my heart free.

J.C.

you called me
1001 nights of the sahsrara
you called me Laylah
you called me Lilith
your queen
little beetle
scarab
you called me to you
with carved silver
circled pentagrams
wrapped in silk
and petals
wrapped in spells
and incantations
wrote me poems in your blood
scrolls tied tight with
strands of your hair
sealed in wax
you were the lizard boy
dark eyes and your heart
once bright filled
with sparkled light
charred to dark ash
the day she took from you
your innocence
and lightness of being
hungry to feed
on the potency of your youth
to erase times lines
from her haggard face
the scar lines engraved
upon your soul forever
we called up the summer rain
one hot January night
danced naked in the garden
under the full harvest moon
laughing chanting
willing the rain to fall
moonlight shimmering
through the droplets
we were as children again
for a few moments
you thought I did not love you
because I walked my own path
you told me too late
of your sufferings
in a note left on my pillow
found after you drove
off the cliff into the deep gorge
the water kept you for 6 months
spitting your body up on the rocks
at the tender age of 23
torn apart by the rapids
for years you haunted my dreams
your long fingered artists hands
reaching out from the rushing waters
pulling me down
each night
to lay with you forever
your elegant hands
becoming
my eternal slaughter.

J.C.

please
I beseech you
forget my name
played out
in obsessions shadow
your sick thoughts
know no shame
the fuse wire lit tripped
in too deep all gone fallow
nerve casings stripped
fight or flight mode triggers
back to hard nought
unrelenting you remain
ingrained an old
fibre rotting blood stain
while your harridan sniggers
my senses are now fraught
I feel you dreaming me
the nausea rising like gut fire
the tension wires pull taut
walls closed in emergency
smiling tiger dressed as a liar
don't speak my name
don't remember me fondly
don't profess undying love
hang your sick head in shame
for you treated me so wrongly
fists and boots a kick a shove
there is no escape
no peace here found
you hurt you destroy you ****
made a slaughterhouse
of loves playground
you pervade
as you invade
in your masquerade
a monster costumed
as a 'good son' a good man
my love cannot be exhumed
do not delude yourself it can
I see your vile truth
sadly know you better
than I should
I would erase you
rubbed out
like a pencil sketch
if I could.

J.C. 14/11/2019 12.12am