I once was something
that I am not now
too much shock
to the system
caused a retreating
away from the world
into myself

A solitudinarian
while my systems
shut down
preparing to reboot

a cocooning occurred
followed by
metamorphosis
then transformation
reordering of
damaged cells
damaged goods
a regeneration
following
the assasination
of my juvenescense
by his malefic mind

6 years
living in the jar
hermetically sealed
spinning silken threads
around myself
tears hardening the shell
impenetrable
invisible
making myself small quiet
wanting to be unwanted
looking to be unnoticed
retired from a life not yet begun
necessity for survival
dictated the state of play
all the while thinking feeling
questioning
then throwing away
all my mislaid assumptions
my mantra

* I want to be happy
a happy life
I will not let him have it
my life is mine
my joy is mine
my freedom is mine
he has taken enough
I am taking happiness back *

an unremarkable day
the day I woke up
revivified
able again to draw a full breath
without flinching
without waiting
for his reaction
I ran in the park barefoot
I swam in the ocean
laying on the beach after
toes in the warm sand
the sun drying me
free
a child again renewed

J.C. honey-tiger 16/08/2019. 4.44am.

I am pulled to you
like air
when underwater
I want to say your name
over and over and over
it is beauty
to me
here
I will keep it
in my heart
on repeat
in the beats
two barreled
like your name
my heartbeats
echo
it
again
again
and again

* * 

the love I feel
for you
the vibration
of you
resonates
deeply within
our currents
flowing
particularly charged
producing
warm
enveloping
light

 * *

say my name
over and over and over
keep it in your heart
on repeat
in the beats
this love
replete.

J.C. honey-tiger 17/08/2019 4.44am.

softly spoken
he and me
gentle
kind
always our
vibrations aligned
in smooth
rythym
we
syncopate
to each others
peaks
and
f
  a
     l
       l
         s
a binding occurs
smoothened
signalling
on rippled water
from pebbles dropped
moonlight dances
on repeat
repeat
shimmery light
in perfect oscillation
undulating
with varifocal
denotation

* * * *

nebulae burst
high above
as if
to celebrate
this love
a coupling made
binary
orbiting stars
he is to me
my magnetar

~~~~~~~

as for fresh pastures
lush new beginnings
blade upon blade
from fertile seed
lays a soft green
pathway
to true loves garden
where hearts are freed
past well trod paddocks
across faraway seas
where love lays waiting
on her gentle knees

* * * *

©J.C. tiger-baby 11/08/2019 4.44am

Of artists blocks
and charcoal pencils
lines drawn
blackened white
with hearts the stencil
gouache pastels
in dusted hues
smudged by
whetted thumbs
from moistened lips
colours gently bruised
with fingertips
stroked by brushes
firm tipped certain
outside the frame
of loves drawn curtain
softly washed
in watercolour fade
the painter plays
loves serenade
emboldened strokes
in oils dramatic
his canvas laden
replete
climactic

J.C. honey- tiger 09/08/2019.

Infinite tiny kisses
and how
my heart misses
a beat for you
all the tenderness
that you do
moves me deep
so many sweet things
in the love you bring
how you sing
me to sleep
then watch over me
with loving song
and wake me
gently
when my dreams go wrong
the break in your voice
for my pains of past
the depth of your love
how my heart does rejoice
these feelings for you
are more than vast
thought I'd known
true love in the past
all pales that came before
until you opened
loves true door
this rare connection
we share as one
aligned to perfection
its depth profound
all my defences undone
as emotions abound
you are the ocean
to my earth
the air
to my flame
I ache inside
I burn
I live
for when next
you call out my name


J.C. honey-tiger 09/08/2019 3.33am.

I used to hitchhike
the length of this fair land
not much older than a lass
striving to understand
be a bad ***
work out my past
holding out my hand
hoping the wind
the sun
the rain
might erase the scars
release
the pain
many passing cars
from the far north bush
to deep south mountains
icy glaciers
to bush bowl fountains
trying to restitch
parts of me torn
uplift my spirit
leave behind child forlorn
guess I read
too much Kerouac
as a lass
hitting the long roads
with not much more
than my napsack
my pen
my notebook
pastels
artists paper
headstrong
willful
searching for
the next caper
I used to hitchhike
it was safer back then
if rules followed
listen to your gut
spent six hot weeks
in a one room hut
the mighty Hokianga
working the land by light
then writing through dark
by way of kerosene light
bathing naked in the river
in the dusky early morns
escaping
randy bulls
the sting of his horns
I used to hitchhike
not much older than a lass
learning life's lessons
through mother nature's
materclass

J.C. honey-owl 07/08/2019

This is not really finished but I had to stop for a bit, or it risked becoming too long...so much more to add..

I can no longer see
people dead or dying
even a good
dramatisation
has me crying
humanity
I can no longer watch
babies being born
without the feeling
of being torn
wondering
are you destined
to become another statistic
in a world unwell
a world getting sicker
humanity
I can no longer love
spring flowers
blooming in the dead
of winter
as damage done
causes the seasons
to shift crack splinter
humanity
I can no longer
feel anything
but sympathy
for my friends 10699 miles away
whose 'leader'
lacks any kind of empathy
is driven by megolamania
kleptocracy
and insanity
humanity

J.C. honey-tiger 05/08/2019.