I am a seeker for the light
fighting to flee this blackened night
filled with dreams of nights gone by
tossing me restless, my heart a sigh
in these dreams
your beautiful hands are my slaughter
pulling, holding me under the water
my breath is ebbing fading fast
is this it, sweet release is it here at last?
battlefields play out in my sleep
you want me here, my soul to keep
with you here under the black rushing water
where you took your life in my name..
my eternal torture
drove your beloved Holden off the peak
of the Gorge into the wild Buller River
your body unfound for more than 40 weeks, all hope slowly did wither
at the ripe old age of 23, you chose
to take your life because of me
or so the note said, unrequited love
love not received yet given
but I DID love you, how could I know
you were so broken
by horrors endured, which remained unspoken
if you'd let me see your injured child
I could have helped, been gentle, more mild
but you knew who I was then, young, hungry
free spirited - wild,
isn't that the 'me' you fell for after all?
then surrounded yourself with a ten foot wall.
I never betrayed you, never dallied or strayed
maybe you'd have trusted more
if you had stayed.
It's all ancient history now, but you still haunt my dreams
I wake up in cold sweat, body shaking,
stifled screams.
Fighting my way back up through the
black water
fleeing your beautiful hands,
my eternal torture

J.C... undated.

Honest sweet intuition
feel no dark
in her good mind
grow more silent
to listen with my tear
is warm comfort.

J.C. honey-tiger  01/06/2019

with passing peers
faster pass the years
and shifting gears
not so smoothly run
in moonlights bathe
our sunset days
too soon over after just begun

J.C. honey-owl 05/06/2019

When the hands of time
get lost in the rhyme
when they pull you back back
and space does crack crack
it's torment in a truckloads ride
with fraught mind nowhere to hide


it's the real life boogey man
showing you just how he can
take you down down in one blink
then sleep is here & on the brink
of hell you teeter totter pirouette
the curtains shut the scene is set


back back you hurl back in time
to the darkest days & the darker nights
it's the ice cream truck that never comes
it's the cold blades glint as warm blood runs
it's the sun shining just over there
it's the monster creeping ever near


when the sun won't rise fast enough
his smooth skin hands bring the rough
and the dance won't stop only the clock
frozen in time backwards tock tick tock
it's the sickening taste of copper & dirt
& knife slices are the least of the hurt


when the scars dont heal just remain
it's the constant bleed the lingering pain
of a child's heart broken & left to rot
it's never enough & its an awful lot
see the world dissovle see trust rust
feed the need inside the want the must
try to grasp on tight a filament of hope
or contemplate swinging rough rope


it's these lines bleeding all over the place
searching seeking a familiar warm face
is it giving in or is it reaching out
or just more my sickened pen to spout
even after he's long & cold in earth deep
it's the knowing I am his forever to keep
my stolen child my innocence my hope
the faint scars left in skin of rough hewn rope.

J.C. 05/06/2019.

When is karma
as anger rises
or we become
Calmer

When is karma
when we fail the test
or is it when
we stand on one
to be higher than the rest

When is karma
as we tread with care
to not hurt another
or oblivious succumb
to the snake charmer

When is karma
when others look and jeer
or when happiness calls
we find our dearest dear
then they all draw near

When is karma
is it as I close last time
your beautiful eyes
or alone in the cold bed
at night I lie

When is karma
is it the perfect dawn
of a perfect cold day
as I wake all safe and warm
when new true love is in play

J.C. honey-tiger 03/06/2019