Jayne E

Jayne E May 2019

this mourning time is here again
shadowed sun rise pale clouds
signals night end once more undone
finds me breathless and moribund

I told you once, twice thrice and four
to shut it tight behind the door
you kicked it open to defy
the rules all broken so here I lie
moribund

glee and wild abandon in your cries
to tie to bind then unbind my sighs
abd blind then unblind my eyes
on edge ledged I teeter moribund

was it good I yield it was understood
but still deceit lies underfoot
pinned at the knees the heart fecund
yet souls entwined do find me moribund

you danced in from the leftist side
all your defiance I did abide
whence in my arms you at last did cry
and felt myself moribund

step back once, twice thrice and four
now remember said shut that door
if kicked again it breaks no bend
and death replaces moribund.

J.C. 19/03/2019.

Jayne E May 2019

A Valentines Poem... (Day of Lovers)

This day of lovers
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I show you
Begin the day as lovers
We will end this way too
I will show you
All my secret colours
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I will take you
To my secret place
When the sun is setting low
In this lovers day sky
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I lead you through
The rambling roses
Along the cliff face
As the sun is setting
Heavy in the sultry summer sky
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
Through the reserve we go
No one knows this place but me
Perched high above the sea
My friend used to own the house behind
Shhh.... Its my secret place
You are the first I have brought here
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I will lay you down in the soft grass
Near so near the edge of the cliff
Give you all I have to give
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
Let my hair fall down around your face
As scarab pendant swings between my ******* catches the last glint
Of the setting sun
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
As I kiss your lips
Kiss your eyes
Kiss your neck
Kiss your face
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
Kiss you deep & wet
Pull you close to me now
You give all others away
We will seal it here
On the edge of the cliff
With the crashing sea below
Taste the salt on our lips
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I make you mine.
My Valentine...

14/02/2019. J.C.

Jayne E May 2019

Supine

Supine
in your arms
you carried me home
as your dead lovers corpse
my perfumed tresses let down
fine filaments
dragging
on the ground
almost
we walked
this walk
this way
many times
always in dead of night
mobile living dead
installation art
in motion.
Your face you would hold
expressionless
my body
I made limp.
in your loving
arms.
Feign
this way
we would.

Your lover has died
you carried her home
blue velvet dress
catching moonbeams light
sash tied at back
dragging in the dirt.

Home with me
in your arms
you would
undress me
bathe my body
lovingly
then
carry me to your bed
gaze upon me
as was
your love ritual
and
bed me,
breathe me
back to life.
Until
we took
our lovers walk
again.

J.C. 12/12/1991

Jayne E May 2019

42 days in 12 ways...

Tears hit my cheeks once more
at 3.40am monsters knock on my door
forcing their way into my dreamscape
chasing sleep away there's no escape

laid to rest long ago I had thought
no mercy now strips me back to nought
I am tired so very tired & worn down
no relent no peace pulling me to drown

in memories of bloods coppery taste
filling my mouth laying my child to waste
leaves in my mouth on the forest floor
relived over and over too much no more

42 days in 12 ways more than enough
to be there back in time just too rough
rough like his smooth cool sickly hands
wrapped around my throat tight bands

of a fantasy sick games he loved to play
as my innocence my hope bled all away
too much then too much to live it again
tell me how and if ever this ends...when?

J.C. honey-owl 21/05/2019 4.04am.

Jayne E May 2019

Fluffy rabbit candy floss dream...

Fluffy rabbits hopping in meadows
rainbow flavoured dreams & feathers
falling from pink candy floss clouds
how I'd love my dreams in joys shroud

instead centipedes slowly crawl my way
across damp dark forest floor to stay
in my nightmares now & for years more
the monster a frequent caller at my door

Give me candy apples and dappled light
shining with colours pretty and bright
and light melodies smell of popcorn
and me riding clouds atop a unicorn

Instead taste of blood kerosene lamps
reflecting his shadows and sick smile
smell blood his laugh groaning sounds
and me trapped here my body tied down.

J.C. honey-owl 21/05/2019 4.40am

Jayne E May 2019

So close, just there...

So Close, just There...

So close, just there
Nights inky blackness,
enfolds us in warm embrace..
sultry jasmine
drifts through windows
opened to the velvet summer sky
your body heat
my homing beacon
in the dead of night,
in our too big bed

Just there, I feel it, so close,
draws me into your stratosphere .. intoxicates my senses,
carrying me to you
locked into your orbit
The nape of your neck,
(I'm already done for)
my trigger.
Your essence
so close just there.
I feel my pulse,
thrum, thrum, thrumming
blood courses through my body
as I breathe you in
I am
            lost,
                         lost,
                                        lost.

Inevitably drawn
to your musky haven,
surrendering
We were I'm sure,
formed this way,
before we were born,
you the key to me the lock,
made to fit together,
perfectly.
like our bodies
had known each other
forever.

My loving lost boy of the morning,
the only one
who ever really saw me
really knew me..
I thought...
you were forever

So close..Just there...
Your scent,
my kryptonite
& my solace,
your strong arms
my safe harbour
only my embrace
could calm your storming seas,
the timbre of my voice
salve to your wounds
Alpha to Omega,
Yin to Yang
we were..

So many secrets shared then...
so many secrets still kept...
forever you will be
My lost boy of the morning
heart open, fists closed
but I saw you.
forgotten & denied,
all your
past,
          past,
                      past,
hurts
buried deep down

I still see you
in moments of every day,
at night
you come calling
in my dreams,
Sometimes...
tears stinging my cheeks awake,
heart bruising from memories
of a beauty we once shared,
an enveloping sense of grief,
lays heavy on my soul
and sleep is lost once more.
midnight beats back the clock
like grains of slow ice.,
'til dawn breaks again.

I miss the secret 'we'
the scent
at the nape of your neck
being so close...just there
a mere reach of my hand
to find you,
in the dark,
your slow calm breaths
bringing me back
from the night terrors,
the monsters of my distant past,
trying to force their way in...
from a life past
a life before you,
my panacea
saved me from myself

Our bed, your arms,
that musky firm embrace
our whispered secrets
in the dark,
kisses first
sweetly stolen,
then savoured deeply
my cheek pressed against
your chest
the
strong
slow
steady
beat of your heart
strong fingers threaded
softly through my hair,
one powerful hand resting
in the curve of my waist,
fingertips tracing
invisible patterns on my belly.
I could have stayed that way
forever,
curled up against you,
safe from the world.
I thought.

Safe no more
Love no more
Trust no more
Still...

I miss it.
I miss it.
I miss you.
I miss the 'we' that once we were
I miss the deep love
'we' once shared
I miss...
My loving lost boy of the morning
at sleepy fingertips reach.
So close, just there...

J.C. 01/04/2010.

This is an historical poem about my ex husband

Jayne E May 2019

Smell of the Monster

WARNING. this poem deals with subject matter that may disturb or trigger some people. It was set as a cathartic exercise for me, by a wonderful wise caring writing mentor of mine, to try help exorcise some historical demons, and in doing so, lay some pain and painful memories, nightmares, etc to rest. It addresses child **** and ****** abuse & torture, so I felt a warning necessary, and apologise in advance for any emotions or discomfort or pain it pulls up. I don't usually like to offer explanations of my poetry preferring the reader assign their own meaning, formulate their own emotional response, but had to make an exception here. Thank you for reading, it is often a 'taboo' subject matter, but it needs to be talked about. J.C.x

The Smell of the Monster

It's the smell of a monster,
dressed up as a man
the kind you would smile for,
and extend a hand.
He smells of things longed for,
a confusion occurs.

It's the smell of a day spent
playing at the beach,
of sea, sand, salt and sunshine,
in his tousled blonde hair
like lemon blossoms blown past
on nights summer breeze,
and of the deep dark earth
beneath these trees

It's a whiff oh so small subtle
of pinetarsol and bleach,
maybe that will alert her
to this lecherous leech.

It's of clean skin in sunshine,
it really just smells all wrong,
as he acts out for this child
all that for which his sick head longs

Smell the ******* roughhewn
by his long fingered hands
and the masculine musk
when his limp **** now stands

His sweat becomes acrid
as he applies himself with vigour
smell my tears on my cheeks
as I assume death like rigour,
tasty salty drips
from my cheeks to my lips.

His breath now quick blows
nicotine to my nose,
as he tightens his grip
here I go here I go,
silent calls for my mother
mother, mummy, mum please
and the smell of his ***
was a new scent for me.

Smell now the blood as it drips
down my legs down my thighs,
he has unpealed my screams
deadened my sighs and my eyes.

I can smell my own sweat my blood
and my fear, and now I smell him stronger, as he moves closer near.

Time to clean up this big
mess of me he has made
in the bath filled with bleach,
and disinfectant of pine, imperial leather soap, baby powder and then,
applied Vaseline
to the **** torn clean,
so it's all better for next time
he calls on me,
to return to the horrors
******* to that tree.

For now it's all sweetness, he plays his part well, pajamas and tuck-ins, a kiss on my forehead and then "night night" and one last whiff of his stink, as I lie murdered, in my child's bed
....chasing sleep...

J.C. 13/03/2019.