I still miss you.

How do you still haunt me?
How do you still remain so faithfully in my memories?
How do I still taste your lips?
How do I still hear your voice ringing in my ears?

I still miss you.
How can I still miss you?

You'll find me intriguing
You'll find yourself always wondering about me

My eyes will make you think that I already know everything about you
(And I do)
My smile will lie and tell you I'm too innocent to do any harm

I'll make you dizzy with mixed signals
I'll manipulate your lustful desires so you drool at my feet
While I feed you small facts about a tragic past so you can't just be in love with my body

And I'll let you kiss me
Whisper sweet nothings in my ear
I'll hold you close and let our hearts beat in rhythm
And then I'll disappear
You'll wonder forever if I loved you the way you loved me

And the truth is, I did
But I'll never say it out loud

I wrote all these words for you
I wonder if you'll ever read them

My greatest fear
Is becoming a woman that needs a man to survive

My greatest fear
Is that you'll wake up one day and you won't need me anymore

We were standing there
So beautiful and free
We felt things I've only read about in books
I turned for a minute to take in all that was happening to us
And when I turned back you were gone

You disappeared,
So quickly it made me think I had imagined the whole thing

I miss you
                   I miss you
                                      I miss you so much it hurts

And every bone in my body wants to tell you just how much I miss you

                        My brain is spinning in circles

    I find myself

                  Hiding in the holes that were your home in my heart

                                                    Curled up in the places that you used to fill

I miss you so much that it’s hard to breathe

And I begin to think that the word “miss” can’t fathom the depth of longing and heartache that I feel
I don’t believe that, that simple word begins to encompass the pain the plagues me in my every moments

I see you in everything *
                                              I feel you in everything
                                                                                     I hear you in everything

Laughing in moments you would’ve enjoyed
Giggling contagiously as I recounted stories to you

I am torn between the pull that desires so deeply to run to you

                                            Wonderful
                                                                Great
                                                                           Incredible
                                                                                             You
And then the cold bitterness caused by the betrayal that you so easily allowed
Reminds me that I am to remain strong and never allow you to be apart of me again

But,
       Oh how I miss you
             I miss you
               I miss you
       Dear god how I miss you!

But you
              You hurt me so that I would rather deal with the pain and emptiness that remains in the remembrance of you

This loneliness that I feel even when I’m surrounded by people
Can’t even begin to compare to the torture of knowing that

No matter how much I love you

You’ll only ever hurt me

Over
                     And over
                   And over    
                                                                                                                  Again

And within the seconds that you broke my heart
You went from being my lazy Sunday's and late nights
To the stranger I merely pass in a parking lot without a second glance

It was as if we never existed
And the only evidence I had of you were the memories that plagued my mind for the years that followed

There we were, lying in your car.
The music was playing but your eyes held all my attention.
Your smile was deafening and I was left awestruck at the way the setting sun flickered in your eyes.
Not the most magnificent of words could express the wonders of that night.

It was then I realized how beautiful it is, to just simply be with someone.

"Why am I never enough?" She whispered. I was lying close enough to taste the beer on her lips and see the tears forming in her eyes. "What am I doing wrong?"

"Sometimes the ocean terrifies people because of the depth it carries. They dip a toe in and believe they have experienced all that it offers... And you my dear, are very much like the ocean."

I've heard a lot about heart break being at 3am, insomniac nights filled with silently sobbing into pillows and when sleep finally comes, it is only greeted with stabs of loneliness when the cold realization floods in that you are waking up alone.

But they forget to mention that it happens walking down the middle of the sidewalk at 2pm when you're supposed to meet a friend for coffee and you see a face that's a distorted version of his because your heart is so desperate for him that it starts to try to find him in strangers.

They don't tell you that it happens six months later when you're starting to feel good again and you accidentally hear that he's dating someone new and it sends you spiraling down into the crushing weight that he doesn't love you anymore and suddenly you're not eating again and the man who works at the liquor store makes a comment about your drinking habits.

No one talks about it happening when you start falling in love with someone else and you're sorting through your computer and stumble across the album of pictures of him that you haven't looked at since the breakup a year ago and you think you're strong enough to see his face and you realize how desperately you loved him but it still wasn't enough for him to stay.

People fail to say that it happens at your best moments when you are so full of life and love and joy that all that can radiate from your smile is the strength that conquered demons and you see all the beauty that is around you and you remember the person that you always wanted to share this moment with has decided he wants nothing to do with you anymore.

I miss the warmth of your embrace
The loving look upon your face
The tenderness in your eyes
I miss the nights
We stayed up until four am
All the sweet secrets
The two of us kept
I miss how at peace I felt
Lying in your arms
I miss your big, brown eyes
Your fingers entangled in my hair
I miss the feeling of knowing everything would be okay
Just because I had you
I miss having you to look forward to
I miss the way our hearts would pound
When the chance of getting caught was coming around the corner
I miss hearing you name
And finding a silly smile on my face
Trying to hide the hint of pink in my cheeks
I miss you kissing my forehead
And hearing you whisper
"You're beautiful"
I miss when you were all I needed
My best friend
You knew everything
I miss the way your eyes would light up when they saw me
The shy smile you tried to hide
I miss how you would run and pick me up
Those are still my favorite hugs
I miss when my legs were to tired to walk
You would lift me in your arms
And carry me wherever me feet wouldn't take me
I miss the way you'd sneak in
Surprising me with one last kiss
Which ended up taking us forever to part
But even forever wasn't long enough
Because life was only good in your arms
I miss the way my stomach turned
When my head was in your hands
Losing ourselves in each other's eyes
I miss the way your fingers laced with mine
No one would guess they would fit perfectly
I miss how we could talk for hours on end
I miss the way we would kiss
A taste I can't get out off my lips
I miss when trusting you was easy
I miss how my life was
Before you deceived me