Cold breeze,
Torn sleeve,
Gray hair,
Tired eyes,
Weary soul,
Warm coffee,
Wise words,
Worn out hands,
Deep wrinkles,
Sunken eyes,
Everlasting hope,
Strong intuition,
Infinite prayers,
Endless love.

Life is not like the movies, there are those happy endings and a lil chaos in between ,
I've learnt alot in the expanse of just being 24, yes the big 24.
To reach to this part where i am is truly a blessing,
A crossroad between embracing adulthood and saying goodbye to the 14 year old me.
But heck I never want to let go of the 4 year old me.
Its those quiet moments in your room ,
where you lay to yourself and take a glimpse of what made you, what broke you.
A step wiser.
A step closer to the harsh reality.
But guess what?
I look forward.

It all started one fine day,
And it all ended that very fine day,
If I could turn around and only ask why me?
What did I do to receive all these?
All I ever wanted was for all of you to accept me,
To leave that boy next door alone,
To leave that poor boy who sits alone in class,
To leave alone that boy who's battling his own struggles behind closed doors,
That boy was me,
Looking from above right now, I wished i could have done things differently,
Maybe I should have fought back harder, defended myself more,
But how is this fair,
While I was on the floor fighting for my life, begging every second that you would stop, you still stood there striking , charging , punching, assaulting every part of my helpless wounded body.

While I lay there at my most vulnerable state, you didnt stop, each of you stood there and watched me till I bleed to my demise.

Every menacing move you made on me was satisfaction to you  but to me, It was the most agonizing, horrific and frightful last moments of my life.

What's is there left within me?
You didnt just break my bones, you broke my willpower to survive,
Did you for once stop to think, what it would have felt like to be in my shoes?
What it felt like to be at your most vulnerable state and have someone to take advantage of it with absolute zero guilt.
I'm forever shattered.
I'm forever traumatized.
I'm forever your meat to be taunted.
I'm forever broken.

While the ones to pay the price for my absence are my loved ones.
You did not just take the little boy next door's life away.
you took away his families hope and pride as they watch him burn  for the last time. With no last words from him. With no last cries to his mother.
All there is left, is my memory and my painful story that must be shared to every bully victim. For justice will prevail and all the morally upright will be vindicated.”

You can never really trust anyone because they never give you a reason too.

Oh, my love, look what has happened to us
You aren't my love anymore
And I don't know how to be myself
Without you, without our relationship, if that makes sense

I've tried to distract myself
From the void that you left
By filling it with other things
With other people, not permanently
And not always romantically
I just wanted a distraction

When in reality, I just need to let it be there
I need to cry in the shower
I need to scribble all my thoughts
On the corners of diner placemats
And I need to know how it feels
To be all by myself

When I think of you
All I can recollect
Was how I lost my very best friend
The day you walked away

When I let my mind conjure an image of you
I need a hug, I feel an immediate lacking
And your embrace is all that will do
That would be a solace to my soul

You were a cup of coffee on a fall morning
An unexpected turn on a familiar road
You were exactly what I needed

But eventually, the coffee turned sour and cold
And the woods got dark and I got lost
You were what I needed, but not what I need

Oh, my love, you deserve the world
I just have to do right by myself
Because if your world would have continued to be in mine
Neither of us would have been happy
We would have compromised everything we each wanted
Because, wretchedly, we were heading different ways

Why force it when it wasn't supposed to be?

I can never bring myself to forget the way you loved me
You showed me what it meant to feel safe in a relationship
I'm sorry that I became too safe, I took you for granted at times
But at other times, I needed you so desperately, like you were air
And I was suffocating, and I just needed you more the more you gave
I just could never get enough of you, I'm sorry for hurting you

I miss our inside jokes, I think if someone told me that I was a child
Ever again, I would probably start sobbing
I can't ever really look at things the same way I used to

And I keep thinking of cooking with you in your kitchen
On Saturday mornings when we were inseparable
And that other time you sliced your finger while making chicken
And I overreacted because I didn't ever want to see you hurt
Then the way you looked at me like you couldn't have ever cared more
About any other person in the entire world, moves me to tears

But despite all of these memories that surround me, I just want you to know
You are an incredible person and I am happy to have had the pleasure
Of being your best friend for three years
Even though I always didn't do such a great job
Thank you for being mine, for being there, for caring so much

I pray you find a woman who is everything you want and need
Someone who adores your hazel eyes and enveloping deep voice
Your hobbies that you immerse yourself in
The way your eyes crinkle when you laugh
And how you love entirely, with everything you have
Your generosity and kindness
The way you smelled, deep and sweet
I hope she adores you as much as you adore her
You deserve the world

those beautiful eyes
waiting for you endlessly
hopelessly wond'ring

I saw Scorpio in the sky tonight
It reminded me of the time
That I pointed it out to you
While we sat in that van you used to drive

You would always look up to see
But could never really pinpont
The exact location to where
My fingers truly laid

The stars and the moon looked lonely tonight
Without someone to retell their stories to
I'd tell you about Orion, but you've heard before
I'd be starstruck if I could recite them to you once more