Nasa'n ka na? Babalik ka pa ba?
Sa mga araw na itinigil natin 'yung oras para ipaalala sa isa't isa
Na dito—sa sandaling 'to tayo masaya
Dito nagmistulang alapaap 'yung mga nararamdaman natin
Sobrang taas nating lumipad
Hindi natin napaghandaan 'yung ating paglagapak
Sa mga araw na malulugmok tayo
Sa sakit
Sa poot
At ako
Sa pag-asang maibabalik pa 'yung mga araw na lilipad tayong muli
Ngunit
Hindi
Tandang-tanda ko 'yung araw na ipinilit kong pabilisin 'yung oras
Hanggang sa marating ko 'yung araw na matatanggap kong hindi ka na babalik
Ngunit
Hindi
Hindi ko pa ata kaya
Hindi ko pa ata kayang dumilat isang araw nang hindi ka kasama
Kaya kahit 'yung sakit papatulan ko na
Naririnig ko pa rin naman 'yung pagtibok ng puso mo
Ngunit papahina na nang papahina
Dahil palayo ka na nang palayo
Gusto ko naman marinig ngayon 'yung tunog ng pagbabalik mo
Para lang maipaliwanag mo sa 'kin kung kailan unang nalagas 'yung mga pakpak natin
O kung aling hangin 'yung nagtulak sa'yo pababa
Dahil hindi ko maintindihan
Hindi ko maintindihan na kahit ilang beses ko nang itiniwarik 'yung mundo nating dalawa
Hindi ko pa rin mahanap 'yung dahilan kung bakit tayo biglang kumawala sa isa't isa
Hindi ko rin naman masabing iniwan mo ako sa ere
Dahil wala na naman ako sa itaas
Na'ndito na ako sa ilalim ng mga alaala nating hinayaan na lang natin sa isang tabi
Nang hindi sinusubukan na dagdagang muli
Na'ndito ako nagpapadagan sa mundo
Habang patuloy lang nang patuloy sa pag-ikot 'to
Na'ndito ako sumasabay sa agos ng sarili kong luha
Na'ndito ako hinihila 'yung sarili ko pababa
Pahingi naman ako ng isa pang pakiramdam
Hindi 'yung puro na lang lungkot
Puro na lang pait
Pahingi ako ng galit
Sige, kahit inis o kahit yamot
Na kung bakit ako lang 'yung naiwang nagmumukmok
Higit sa lahat
Pahingi pa rin ako ng pag-asa
Nasa'n ka na? Babalik ka pa ba?

I always check if the door is locked.
Just how lonely have I become
to think that the sight of a passerby
is a threat to tear up my skin
and reveal what it is to be human?
To feel and to be hurt and to invite feeling again
To give another person the key so consciously
To allow them to throw it away
To let them see the heart that pumps all that I am.
I always want to make sense of it all;
something tells me I only have to feel them.

On my 21st birthday I looked up at the moon
there was something about the way it burned
that drew me closer and closer to its flame.
The world pushed me to keep moving and keep roaring,
but the moon said that it's all fine
if all I want now is silence and solitude,
the sweet sound of my alarm clock shutting its mouth up,
books perfumed with my morning coffee,
birds enveloped with freedom,
the peace,
the joy of being away from everything else,
and knowing that at that moment,
I was looking at an open door, too
too afraid to look away
it whispered a promise to crawl me out
of the heaviness I’ve been carrying
but I knew what promises were made for
and it was not for keeping.
I gazed back at the moon
until it went down and down and down
until my bedroom window got higher than it
and I saw the sky blushed.
It was a fine day.

How do you get over the fact
that some stories are dead?
That what is left for you to do
is to play them over and over in your head?
How do you lie to yourself
when you cannot forget the truth?

How do I keep these thoughts
away from the wind?
How do I pretend
that I, too, can spread my wings
and fly no matter how heavy I feel?

This rare, watchful companion,
what is it pointing out?
A light from a distance.
It whistles and dances and then lifts me up
so I can clearly see
that what's gone is gone
and there is nowhere to go
but through that light.

The way the lights touch my eyes
isn't as magical to you now as it was before—
it's now the very thing you're trying to avoid looking at.

Your voice doesn't shake for joy
When your friends utter my name.
You say some things go rotten when you don't talk about it.

I told you about the song I kept playing on repeat
For you it was like some bad memories
that you never want to look back at again.

You listen to new songs, too, though.
But the way your eyes light up when you hear them
Isn't the way I was used to
I couldn't find parts of me there.
It's not me who has not combed her hair in ages
that still looks beautiful in your eyes.
It's not me who you want to dance in the moonlight with.
It's not my eyes you want to see
When the presence of the stars feel like a dream.
It's not me who you want to spend time
making sense of the universe with.

I could not give you what you deserve
I'm happy you're learning to look for it in someone else.

Naaalala mo ba nung una niyang ipinakita sa'yo 'yung lugar mo sa buhay niya?
'Yung sandaling 'yon na itiniwarik niya daw ang mundo
Para hayaan na kayo lang ang nakatayo. Magkasama.
Nakita ko 'yung saya na suot ng 'yong mukha.
Nakita ko kung paano kumislap 'yung mga mata **** walang alam na daan
Kundi 'yung direksyon kung nasa'n siya.
Nakita ko kung paano mo winasak 'yung pader d'yan sa puso mo.
Nakita ko kung paano ka muling nagtiwala.

At nakita ko 'yung pagsikip ng lugar
Na sinabi niyang ikaw lang 'yung may-ari.
Nakita ko 'yung muli **** pagtatayo ng harang d'yan sa puso mo.
Nakita ko kung paano mo kinwestyon 'yung halaga mo.
Kahit na bago mo siya makilala ay sinabi mo sa sarili mo
Na hindi ka tahanan para sa mga taong naghahanap lang ng saglit na masisilungan.

Isang gabi,
Naramdaman ng hangin 'yung lungkot mo.
Agad siyang bumalot sa'yo.
Naglaglagan ang mga dahon
Kasabay ng pag-agos ng luha mo.
Ngunit wala ka pa ring kibo.

Pakiusap,
Patingin ulit ako ng dating ikaw—
Dating ikaw na isang bagong lenggwahe;
Hindi lang sinasaulo; dapat iniintindi.
Subukan mo ulit itapon sa dagat 'yung bagyong iniwan niya.
'Wag mo hayaang hampasin ka na naman ng alon ng mga alaala niyong dalawa.
Pakinggan mo ulit 'yung katahimikang nakalimutan mo na 'yung nota.
Iabot mo ulit sa mundo 'yung mga ngiti sa labi mo.
Iparinig mo ulit dito 'yung pagtibok ng puso **** hindi para sa kanya
Kundi para sayo.
At 'wag mo sanang isipin na kailangan mo ng taong bubuo sa mga pangakong winasak niya.
Hindi naman kasi sa bawat pagbitaw ay may taong nakaabang para sumalo.
Lumagapak ka.
At itayo mo 'yung sarili mo.
Kumawala ka na sa posas ng pangalan niya.
Hindi mo kailangang banggitin 'yung pangalang pinapabanggit niya na din sa iba.

Higit sa lahat, tandaan mo:
Nakapaglakad ka nang wala siya
Magagawa mo ring tumakbo nang hindi siya kasama.

I can never love you the way you want to be loved
but I can scream your name at this mountain we're on top of
and it will bounce back to me
as my mouth is the only home it will come home to.

I can never change your past
but I can try to drive your storms into the ocean
and that will be the first time you will hear the silence
you've forgotten the melody of.

You will never have to worry
when will I stop showing where your place is
as I will never start showing it.
You will find it yourself;
in thoughts of me no one ever got the chance of hearing.

I can never love you the way you want to be loved
but I will
in ways your past didn't tell you about.