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anastasia Aug 2020
The scenery in the rearview mirror looks different than it did yesterday.
The air around you feels heavier,
like it’s saturated with the weight of some secret that only you don’t know about.
Those who you know so well have a new jaunt when they walk, a new pitch to their laugh, and a new sparkle in their eyes when they talk.
Your world has shifted so dramatically that you wonder how you can be the only one who noticed.
You look down at your hands, flex your fingers to prove that you’re still in control.
You look at your palms, which you’ve carved the slightest crescent moons into with your finger nails just to prove that you can still feel, to prove that you are still here.  
With every step you take a new pair of eyes is born, made only to brighten the searchlight pointed at you.
Sleep is impossible because you know the enemy is around the corner, always just around the corner.
The voices tease, they whisper the secrets of the universe just below the volume of what you can register.
They tease, a sort of cat and mouse, but one where the mouse is already dead.
They pull you along until you’re spending your nights racing down the highway with all the windows down,
or lying in a field in the freezing rain as the worms start coming out of the earth,
or with the TV turned up to the max as you stare into a bowl of soup that’s been cold for the past 5 hours.
Then they make it all normal again, make you forget that anything ever changed for a few months, just until you start to get comfortable.
  Jun 2019 anastasia
Charlotte Cullen
Glasses are off,
A rare event.
And maybe I can't read the label of my shampoo bottle,
But the soap bubbles gleam like never before,
Miraculous, tiny rainbows seen for the very first time.
And the truth is the government is drugging you
To keep life unexciting,
Blame them for all your miseries.
I am not a therapist!
Just a visionary,
With **** vision.
But only a 20/20 fool
Would see that as an issue.
anastasia Feb 2019
she moved with a purpose, working with the wind, bending it to her whim
she was a chime swaying on the porch of a house long since left to rot
she resided in a girl, not made of bones, but constructed of sweet lies and overindulgence
like an arachnid, her spindly legs carried her to places she longed to be, but did not belong,
on false promises and a fleeting invitation, she infiltrated
fabrication laced with acid seeped into the soil
she rendered the ground infertile, she left it useless
a tornado of pestilence and plague, she left as soon as she had so brazenly introduced herself
yet the damage would remain like a brackish taste on the tongue
a painful reminder of who you could never possibly be
  Feb 2019 anastasia
Molly
IF THIS BODY
WEREN'T MINE
WOULD I STILL
HATE IT?
anastasia Feb 2019
the words that once flowed off my tongue have all been dried,
leaving nothing but a cracked and barren wasteland,
desert termites squeeze themselves into places they’re not wanted,
the phantom figure of what was once alive cries for water in a broken voice that will never be heard,
even by the most intent of listeners.
the fruits of my labor are met with mud on my clothes and spit in my face.
at the night’s fall i bask in the eternal cold,
the air i abuse is extracted from my lungs with sleight of hand
and an unnervingly charming smile,
a cherry tree beckons me forward as it waves in the midnight wind,
the crickets fall silent and i am momentarily assuaged,
bathed in the yellow light of the moon.
time ebbs and time flows, bringing with her the judge, jury, and executioner.
like Saint Bartholomew, i am strewn up to be flayed,
from my pocket falls a needle and thread, a note from someone long ago left behind,
and a rotting apple core.
they belong to the Earth now,
and soon so will my precariously perched form,
my very essence pooling around the tree and staining the leaves pink.
at my decaying touch, maggots spawn.
as if trained, they surround my body,
a cocoon in which i metamorphosize into who i’ve always been.
in my chest, the vultures will nest,
feeling safer than i ever could have,
nothing left of the girl who once wove tales of grandeur and painted paradises in her mind,
but a torn canvas and an empty shell waiting for its puppeteer.
  Sep 2018 anastasia
Cece
nothing like going back
to the golden days
when getting up 20 minutes earlier
was a fun thing
to put on a bit of mascara
and lipgloss;
the blush was natural.
now 20 minutes of sleep
seems like a treasure,
worth everything
and never to be given up.
back when laughter was sunflower yellow,
music was neon blue,
and friends were a sweet purple,
their smiles like lavender
addicting and easy to find.
nothing like going back
to the golden days
when choosing the font for a paper
was an hour long experience;
the funnest part of writing anything.
now no writing matters
to anyone
unless it's 12pt font,
Times New Roman,
double spaced,
and with a heading in the top left corner.
back when school was light,
homework was a breeze,
and the only thunderstorms
were those that involved
coffee shops, window seats,
and copious amounts of hot chocolate.
nothing like going back
to the golden days
filled with warmth
and honey
and a whole lot of butterflies.
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