I forgot to tell you
that I'm not happy-
today when I was
walking and
an hour in, my
neck was
sweating in the
overcast heat,

I saw a patch of
wisteria, painted
with a stirring
of bees- I thought about
the silence
and the blanket of
sadness
and how I
cannot share with you a
quiet agony
of stagnation.

I am learning
to dance with
disappointment
because she always
meets me on the
floor

when lovers leave
like lovers leave
when I only wanted
more

a dance with disappointment
always stepping on my toes
disappointment always stays
and lovers always go.

The moths fly in
to catch the
light
because I leave
the windows
open,
I find them
fallen on my
sill,
hard and crisp
as death-
dried flowers
losing color,
fading away.

I always leave
my windows open
and let everything
in.

the animals
the light
the smoke from a
neighbor's chimney
or a fire burning
far away-
the moths
the wasps
the black beetles and
gnats
and romance-
and you-

you are not excluded.

I always keep my
porch light on,
my windows propped
up
letting the world see
everything I am
and August,
you came in-
but
I still
can't shut
the window

I'm so afraid of
you leaving the way
you came
suddenly
suddenly
suddenly through an
open window
and this time I might have
to shut myself in
because I've never
found a light like
you

I'm like the moths
who look for the light
in my window
and get too close
and fly in, head first
without restraint and
incinerate

you're too bright and
I'm too open
and I think that
this is
it.

I see a path at
the end of a road, hidden by
thickets of blackberries about
to blossom through the night
where shadows veil their violet colors,
those blushing, berry brides.

It doesn't seem fair
that the stairs
are there
when I'm unaware
of how to go
where
I need to be
hopelessly
honestly
following
steps as I count
the hypocrisy
engrained in me
plain to see
ascending,
descending unending
tragedy

is it up
is it down
is it all in the sound
of a breath
on a step
as I'm hitting my
head to
climb up the
staircase
and
for
what,
again?

It doesn't seem fair that the stairs always know
where they're going.