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SJ Nov 2015
With a blink of her eyes I felt naked waiting to see
What she had hidden in her gaze
Her secrets were my need
Since the first tear she had shed with a blush of shame
My obsession became to find the source
Find who caused all the pain
Beautiful ocean eyes shouldn't seem so gray
I ache to bring her back into the light
But something seems to be getting in the way
How am I to love her fully if she won't let me in?
Trying so hard to break the walls
Will our love ever really begin?
Desperate I will continue to wait
Needing to find a place in her heart
Praying that I'm not too late
Though the pain in her eyes still remains unspoken
Staying silent instead of being open
I will stay loving her even when she's broken
SJ Nov 2015
Tossing and turning
I can't seem to find peace
The silence once again caused me to lose sleep
No noise to drown out my dark thoughts
How am I to get rest if my mind refuses to quiet
Forever thinking so it seems
All I want is to be taken by dreams
Slip into the sweet abyss of unconsciousness
Escape my reality that is slowly killing me
Forget for awhile that the world is a dangerous place
My mind is still awake
What is another night of hardly any sleep
Too many in a row to count
Soon exhaustion won't give my brain a choice
My body will fall under on its own accord
Too weak to keep up the battle with my mind
Then finally I will rest for awhile
But once I awake the process will repeat
Then several more days will go by until I  sleep
SJ Nov 2015
If I were to sit you down and admit to all the times I wished you were him

Would you admit to feeling the same?

Would you say that you wished that I was her?

If only this life had brought us together in a different way

Then maybe we'd be together

I'd save you from yourself

You'd save me from becoming somebody else

If I truly wanted you to rescue me from my mistakes

Could you?

Would you leave her to come help me?

The answer is one we already know

You would.

I know this with all that I am

Some hearts our drawn together

Even when they shouldn't be

Unable to resist the tug of the rope that holds their souls together

Combining them as one

Like a any tragedy where love is conquered by the reality of everyday life

We'll never be able to prove our love to each other

Too many road blocks stand in our way

Walls that we are incapable of tearing down

But if you could whisper the three words  before you disappear

At least I'd know

That if things were different our love would rise above
SJ Nov 2015
You have been lurking in the shadows of sorrow

So full of pain

Shadows reached out fingers of death

Clawing at your despair

Dragging you down the path that is often taken

At the end burns an icy hell

Somehow you turned that darkness into light

You conquered so much, and you continue to move forward

Leaving the dark past behind

At times you hear your old sins calling your name

Ignore the temptation

What is the point of moving forward

If you only plan to give in

Everyday you will want to go back to the familiar

Remember that this path is for the better

Never turn back

When you do it will be worse than before

Will be harder to stay true

You will succeed if you focus on the now

Accomplish your goals

Don't ever turn back down the path of sin

Sorrow only wins when you give in
SJ Nov 2015
Red wine and Coors Light
Reminds me of a time
Where happiness was scarce and unknown
A time where in a group I still felt alone
Empty cans and bottles scattered our floor
Bitter words, sour smell added to the wicked allure
Yells and fists became a everyday routine
Tears hidden as I choked on my screams
Mama favored the wine the way it helped relive her pain
He favored beer the way it made reality fade
I suppose sometimes the haze may help to unwind
As long as you don't abuse it all the time
Some just can't stop when they feel the buzz, can't resist the pull
But continue to drink even when full
My own worse enemy were my little feet and puny hands
Not strong enough to save her from that wicked man
So small and unable to help
Can't imagine the pain I felt
Grew strong and escaped the darkness and pain
Left her there with the man who she refused to blame
If you ever loved me
You'd set the devil free
But she couldn't
My heart knew she wouldn't
Stayed with him for years
Through all the tears
Always thinking of his happiness, never mine
That's what I remember when I see red wine and coors light
SJ Nov 2015
It's not sleeping like a dead man that terrifies me
Its waking up to remember that I am one
One of my residents said this to me the other day. It really stuck with me.
SJ Nov 2015
Hardly enough time to write
Put down in words how I feel inside
Lonely and confused
Sore and tired of getting bruised
Not on the skin
But somewhere deep within
I have felt myself slowly withdrawing
Begging my inner voice to ignore the final calling
Saying take a deep breath and forget the girl
How can I do that if she was my world
Only concern was her for such a long time
Now she's gone and I can't seem to unwind
Myself from the tangled mess she made of my heart
I need to move on, but instead I'm falling apart
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