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Dec 2022 · 85
Sunrise and Sunset
SJ Dec 2022
Oh, Sunrise and Sunset!
He is very close
In such a way that is far
Made of the same substance
Will time matter so much?
For like the nun’s and their piety
I have devotion, do you?

He could paint my lips red –
Color that the sunrise bled
And an orange fog
Thus, I’ll be not as dark
Tonight, we will not meet!

Alas, the sunrise is haunted
He is surrounded by eyes –
Once closed after sunset
Like a sprite hiding in a Lilly
I hide for the sunrise
An inevitable loss
Nov 2022 · 85
Winter Love
SJ Nov 2022
Cease, oh, cease thou foul play
that words sickly and sweet fell
And his hazel eyes, loving like sunrise on a cold day,
Colors that will mislead and mix into gray;
But our lips come together to keep us sane,
Sealing an unknown, maybe in vain

Moan, oh, moan in sorrow
Which thy stone heart cracks a slight,
On to the next stone for hope of tomorrow
It is her duty to mend not borrow;
But first think of him in kind
Lust will one day leave us blind
Jan 2022 · 59
Will it stain?
SJ Jan 2022
It all started when I was seven after making a decision to eat eight apples with the core

It made me weak and my stomach lurch, leading ultimately to ***** all over the floor

That urge showed up again not long after when I decided to runaway alone

I got picked up and brought to a place that one could call a dead zone

If I had any sense it was lost tens years past

My life is simple, until it’s not and then it’s a nice contrast

If I spill beet juice on the sheets it turns into mess that wounds his heart

When he bleeds on the sheets it doesn't resemble the juice, and a mess is now art

It all started with a knife and an apple to slice, a waiting voice to persuade

My stomach churned while the hand twitched causing me to miss, but he met my blade

Such a sweet fruit
Such a sweet life
Will it stain my knife?
Jan 2022 · 69
Sickness
SJ Jan 2022
Tears choked back, held in, and were locked deep inside
Chest cavity opened to an emptiness that couldn't subside
Slippery oil dark and thick took its root in my core
A sickness of the pain that I couldn't hold in anymore
It leaked out like dark thoughts into my gut and made me nauseous
If I had know the results of my control I would have been more cautious
Cautious in the way of never letting go and hiding behind the lie
I would have lived more in a way of freedom and flying high
Instead of quick sand always making me sink and crawl
I would have picked a cliff with a beautiful waterfall
When my body would fall forward my soul would be wiped clean
At least I know I would've died to a wonderful scene
Jan 2022 · 70
He's so far
SJ Jan 2022
The moth headed toward the sun
I watched him silently for a little fun
I had thought maybe if I muted the light
Then his death wouldn't be in my line of sight
I thought that maybe I could capture him then
he wouldn't burn in this world so full of sun and sin
I continued to dream and watch the creature fly in a haste
He bled out luck and gave it away, I was tempted for a taste
I was so tempted to form a prison for him in my hands, hoping
to live a life with one so lucky for others but so unlucky with no way of coping
I reached out to to touch the white wing, only for it to turn to dust upon my caress
were we not meant to be, or was the sun in my heart too much or too less?
So addicted we were, light and a plain moth that couldn't resist the flame
I wonder if I was too hot for the man, or maybe the all pain inside of me was too much of a shame
The moth was headed toward the sun but dispersed before he could truly appreciate its love
I was fire and tried to capture him, but I have always burned when push comes to shove.
Jan 2022 · 77
Haunted
SJ Jan 2022
I had a dream where you didn't leave

Held you close, tight, right next to me

Your eyes did shine and my heart wasn't sore

Looking at me with love like you did before

Told me you'd be here till the end of time

Kissing you close not recognizing a lie

Go
Just go
Fade away like this dream
Nothing is ever what it seems
We will never be

When I wake reality is harsh to a dreamer

Dose of cold air delivered by a schemer

Showed me the side of him that made me fall

Left me with the side of him he never showed at all

Though he's gone, he stays

Showing up in my dreams day after day

Go
Just go
Fade away from my mind
If only I could turn back time
Then you'd be mine

I need you gone, need you to leave

For once I just beg for peace

Stop smiling at me at night

Just stop making my heart want something that isn't right

It's unhealthy to ache for something that can't be fixed

Tired of missing someone that shouldn't be missed

So go
Please go
Fade away from my heart
I can't take this constant reminder that we are apart
I need a new start
Dec 2021 · 46
Useless
SJ Dec 2021
Limbs stretch out and droop downwards in warning
The wind whistles and shrieks in a desperate yearning
Leaves are hiding in the dirt
The earth seems to always fall short

Humanity is taking without a sound
Knees are padded by the wet ground
The dirt under bare feet is a red sand
It burns in my cracked hands

Seeping through my hold like a useless thought
I was thankful for the chaos the rain brought
Droplets hits the impenetrable dirt and still remain on the surface
I am nothing but stillness on my knees waiting to drown, accepting my life purpose

I once loved a willow tree so full life
She died waiting for me, and my love was a knife
I took all that was offered; I stripped her of her clothing
I thought for sure my love would fill her with loathing

Her limbs lost it's skin and twisted in sadness
But my willow did not leave me alone in my madness
So selfless my dead willow is on this dying land
She gives and gives to this broken man

Giving it all to my begging body and empty word
Save me when the water gets to high and my begs are no longer heard
Dec 2021 · 39
Hangman is Coming
SJ Dec 2021
Squeezing and contracting
Breathing and relaxing
Slap me hard so my eyes open wide
If your mouth is so big, in who do I confide?
Something about our encounter is disturbing

Ripping and tearing
Eating and sharing
My heart is fatty, so don't enjoy it too much
If your incisors are pointy, how do I touch?
My disappearance will surely be preturbing

Screaming and moaning
Digging and burning
The match is wet, find a new way to light me
This grave is too shallow, won't they see?
Will I be indebted to you in death?

Stuttering and silence
Running and violence
Burning body is thin and kneeling before him
On my knees like a good girl, is this a sin?
Hangman loves to steal my breath
Dec 2021 · 154
Discovery Trail
SJ Dec 2021
Today I gazed upon nature with closed eyes
I discovered where true happiness lies
The gentle rustle of a soft breeze
How the critters taunt and tease
My tense body wanted to realx and be brave
To become as at peace and as still as the trees is something I crave
Dec 2021 · 585
I seek comfort
SJ Dec 2021
I decided to run on this grassy plain
Spreading my arms and hoping to stay sane
I imagined myself as a bird, at home in the sky
I thought maybe his words wouldn't reach me if I went real high
Oh how I would like to fly

I buried myself so his darkness couldn't seek
I thought maybe his madness had finally reached its peak
The hangman is so articulate when it comes to games such as this
He checked every grave and I only had a short lived bliss
Oh how I wish I never gave him my kiss

I needed to overcome this man
I searched desperately for a new plan
I hiked for miles up a mountainous path
I felt inner peace and sunlight at last
Oh how nice, but the sun was soon consumed by the blackness of his wrath

Beautful innocent man, don't come to close to me
But I want him closer so I can see
He has so much inner brightness
While I'm clouded by the hangman who deprives me of lightness
Still I want the sunny man and all his kindness
Dec 2021 · 714
I am enough
SJ Dec 2021
Oh I am not enough
I am to hard to love
I am a little sick once in a while
But your sickness beats mine by a mile

I like to be alone
You want me to always be home
I thought to leave
You said feel free

I thought to pack my bags
Before I could everything became rags
I had that foot out the door
But then you begged to try a little more

I always hated merry-go-rounds
I always despised loud sounds
You love to spin me so fast
Yelling so loud that I forget my past

Who was I before I read your lines
Who woke me up to these signs
I think this sloth may speed up today
Leave everything and runaway
Dec 2021 · 190
Hangman
SJ Dec 2021
I'm ******* and my stomach is weighted down
A dark force is trying to make us disappear into the ground
He followed me with a noose that hung around a slender neck
A vulture who haunts my flesh just waiting for a peck

Hitting my chest to get the negativity out
envisioning light entering and the darkness dispersing about
Yet I still hear the hangman's words
I blocked them, yet they are still heard

"Little skinny girl,
just used for a cinnamon swirl
She will stutter just a little more
I can't seem to find her allure."

He has a hold on me whispering line after line
I honestly don't think I will make it in time
I found a place of redemption and a glimmer of hope
Yet I fall every time my foot moves to leave this slippery *****

Loosen the knot and slide your rope around me
Make sure there is a snap when I start to swing
Nov 2021 · 43
Selfish
SJ Nov 2021
Limbs stretch out and droop downwards in warning
The wind whistles and shrieks in a desperate yearning
Leaves are hiding in the dirt
The earth seems to always fall short

Humanity is taking without a sound
Knees are padded by the wet ground
The dirt under bare feet is a red sand
It burns in my cracked hands

Seeping through my hold like a useless thought
I was thankful for the chaos the rain brought
Droplets hits the impenetrable dirt and still remain on the surface
I am nothing but stillness on my knees waiting to drown, accepting my life purpose

I once loved a willow tree so full life
She died waiting for me, and my love was a knife
I took all that was offered; I stripped her of her clothing
I thought for sure my love would fill her with loathing

Her limbs lost it's skin and twisted in sadness
But my willow did not leave me alone in my madness
So selfless my dead willow is on this dying land
She gives and gives to this broken man

Giving it all to my begging body and empty word
Save me when the water gets to high and my begs are no longer heard
Nov 2021 · 67
Untitled
SJ Nov 2021
Crafty and cunning,
prepare me for my public shunning.
Withhold my truth again.
How am I to defend?

Words screamed into my bleeding ears.
Am I consumed by your fears?
Shadow hands, they pressed so ******* my chest.
Maybe I will faint and get some rest.

Harsh words slice through me.
The violence caused by him is all I see.
One would think that the plate that shattered,
wouldn't look so appealing with its pieces all scattered.

If I bleed on my terms would I feel fine?
Would his and my sins then intertwine?
Would we be able to finally stand on common ground?
Maybe I will faint; I will fade away without being found.
Nov 2021 · 54
Dancing
SJ Nov 2021
Shhh... let's be quiet baby
The night is so loud, it got me thinking that maybe...
You and I could fade away
Disappear down to the Long Creek grave
I heard a tale that the ghosts will dance
You need to knock on Sarah's stone for the chance
Lift your hand baby, and knock three times
One, Two, Three. Do you hear the chimes?
Gentle tings in the distance. Oh, what could it be?
I feel a wiggle and you suddenly push away from me
Hey now honey... it is only my the worm that hides in my cheek
It likes to come through my rotting flesh for a peek
Nevermind the interruption of our fun
You and I are nowhere near done
You knocked precisely right
For that, I shall dance all night
Nov 2021 · 61
Can I Take You
SJ Nov 2021
Come lay me down
I was just thinking
About you
Come hold me
I am so lonely
without you
Take this tongue
I was just wanting a taste
of you
Take a picture and put it in my brain
I am lacking vision I
need to see you
Saw off my hand to hold
I would like to
feel you
Drink my blood
I need me
in you
Stay in this cage
I know you wouldn't leave
I will keep
You
Oct 2021 · 116
Tired
SJ Oct 2021
Feet so heavy, let's stay grounded today
Sheets so white and crisp where they lay

These hands are so twisted as they move to fold
Cracked and dry making the linen go crimson in their hold

We messed up the work with our blood
Go to reload the machine but alas, a flood!

Open up the exit, pushing the filthy water out with a broom
Sweat, blood, and bile pile up in the concrete room

Goodness! Our feet are no longer grounded
They are embedded into the floor as if they had been pounded

I thought to leave soon before my life fades away
The corporate world is hard to exit, and offers little pay
Oct 2021 · 34
Meditation
SJ Oct 2021
Closed eyes and deep breathing
I sat comfortably
I was looking for something
I had opened the door, revealing a staircase
Stepping and breathing as I descended downward
I was so close to the bottom
I almost could see
Five, four, and just three more
My body froze
It's a certain kind of sickness, my fear.
A part of me wanted to complete my journey
I wanted to scream while jumping the rest of the way
But my feet continued to stay glued to the third step
I felt it gather around me, seeping into my bones
Its cold limbs squeezing me
I was held into place
Relaxing into my darkness helped me regain control
I thought surely I could move forward now
How silly of me and my stinging eyes
The dam broke
The body shook
Yet still, I could not move ahead
I had a glimpse
I had a dream
I was a step that would not be taken
Jan 2021 · 67
This Girl
SJ Jan 2021
If I hold this head in shaking arms
will you run away in fright?
If my eye sockets are bare and my scalp without hair
Would you scream before witnessing my sorrow
Curiously, I would run before you
Cradling my skull like a newborn babe
I would run away from the possibility of redemption
The eternal rest is a frightening notion
Decomposing girl is forever running
I lack comprehension
I breathe in fear
I am nothing but bones
Jan 2021 · 62
Untitled
SJ Jan 2021
Her fingers are long and thin
Hips jut out, skin stretched around the bone
Cheeks are sunken
Eyes are glazed
Hair has lost its sheen
You would think she was a ghost
Faded away into a pile of bones
Her smile, though, is so wide
She is hope
She is more than her body
Her mind is most certainly lost
Her spirit is glowing
Body is fading
She might disappear
When she goes she is going all the way
She refuses to return
Reincarnation is overrated
This soul needs rest
Nov 2020 · 61
It is
SJ Nov 2020
It is wonderful how you sway
Back and fourth, you're coming my way
Come to me my sweet
Let the music move my feet
Closer to you because I love it slow
I will follow wherever you go
Shadow, I am. Shadow I will stay
Mimicking you all the way
Never seen a soul so fine
It is beautiful how we intertwine
Jun 2018 · 157
Dangerous Love
SJ Jun 2018
Dangerously Toxic
Yet immune to this
Addictive drug I can't shake
Inhale in all I can take
Breathe in this obsession
I am okay with being your possession
Intoxicating lies
Drunk on this high
Spiraling out of control
I can’t resist the pull
Ignorance is bliss
Yet freedom is what I miss
Freedom I do not seek for
The ropes will tighten even more
May 2016 · 574
Slow down
SJ May 2016
Fast feet
Pounding on the wet ground
Away from me
I'm screaming. You hear no sound
Head pointed forward
Eyes aimed straight ahead
Where are you headed toward?
Feet struggle to keep up with the one that fled
Rain drenching my skin
Thunder echoing in my ear
Storm holds me back again
Body aches to catch up so you'd be near
You were always faster than me
Always fleeing and I was left to try to retrieve
You were always loud and free
I was always more quiet. Never one to leave
Now here you are leaving me again to deal with the pain
Now I swallowed my fear to chase
My feet stumble. I can't seem to gain
Slow down and make this an even race
Fast feet
Running away from me
Slow down and try to see
That it is you I need
Mar 2016 · 397
Her
SJ Mar 2016
Her
Firey
Dancing Alone
Charging without thought
Flames captivate those watching
Impulsive creature acts without thinking
Electric
Loves loudly
Mourns in silence
Desires one man only
Impulsive lover acts without
Regrets
Feb 2016 · 478
The Willow Weeps
SJ Feb 2016
The land was dead, lost long ago in the first battle
Where men's blood flowed and the world's concious was rattled
Limbs of the old willow tree are a dark ashen gray
Setting the mood in a sorrowful way
Reminding all that this was a place of loss and anger
Here Death was no longer a stranger
Men's emotions overflowed and bubbled up from their cage
No longer able to avoid the differences, they gave into the rage
During the first battle of this once thriving kingdom
Both sides had been fighting for their versions of freedom
The willow stood tall in the midst of the battle not making a sound
Silently weeping as blood soaked the ground
The tree had survived for many years
All that time it'd never shed so many tears
Not when lightning struck down its neighbor one stormy night
Not when the ground rumbled and caused the villagers a fright
No the night when blood ran thick and men's screams filled the air
The battle for a freedom that they both could've shared
That was the night the Willow started to fade away
Once lively now just a dark shadow that continues to stay
Haunting a piece of land that is a bitter reminder of what use to be
Now just a thing of death and destruction in a place that use to be free
Screaming souls of men that were lost can be heard near
Another reminder that causes the Willow to shed a tear
So if you ever here the willow weep
Remember of the lost souls it continues to keep
Feb 2016 · 344
A Dream
SJ Feb 2016
I dreamed. Finally
A dream that was better than this torn up reality
You came to me holding out your hand
I looked at in disgust already knowing your plan
In this dream I already knew you would use me then toss my body a side
Draw me in with false words then laugh as I choked on my pride
You tried to get the best of me
That wasn't happening, not in my dream
No here I was the Queen
I came out on top
Not once did I drop
Fall off my pedestal
No longer was I the fool
You bowed at my feet
And I just looked at you how you use to look at me
In disgust
Yet still I could not refuse my lust
A mistake I made and will never repeat
Yet in this dream I stood tall and never admitted defeat
It faded to soon
Light shining through
Waking me to my torn reality
Losing my fantasy
Reminding me that I am the one who is scarred
Torn from the marks you left on this heart
Feb 2016 · 722
My Hatter and I
SJ Feb 2016
I was lost and had not a clue
Till I commented on a poem and met you
A man who fascinated me every day
A man who lived so far away
He said he was mad like the Hatter
I asked him why did that matter?
My Hatter was mad indeed
When he got on a plane to come see me
We fell fast
Many doubted we'd last
Yet we continue to hold eachothers hearts
My Hatter and I will never part
To My Hatter. I love you more than you'll ever know.
Feb 2016 · 919
The Lost Doll
SJ Feb 2016
Quiet my little dolly
Your screaming is folly
***** strings for hair
Button eyes stare
Dress of old cloths
Been eaten by moths
Stuffing leaking out of your tummy
Makes you look quite funny
Shoes nowhere to be seen
Must have floated upstream
Further up then the dolly did
When she was tossed by her kid
Now she cries everyday
Wanting someone to find her and play
Feb 2016 · 380
Forward
SJ Feb 2016
The darkness
Surrounded me
Clouds rolled in
Warning me
Then in
the midst
Of the downpour
I knew
If I didn't
Embrace this storm
I would
Never be
Able to move
Forward
Feb 2016 · 987
Comfort Zone
SJ Feb 2016
I thought
To step
Outside
Of my
Comfort zone
But I
tripped
And fell
To my knees
Then suddenly
I became
Scared to
Try it
Again
Jan 2016 · 331
Him
SJ Jan 2016
Him
Kissed by him

Tainted my untouched lips

Wanted by him

Trembled my hips

Touched by him

Dirtied my ****** skin

Needed by him

Tempted me to sin

Loved by him

Urged my kiss

Freed by him

*Blinded me with bliss
Jan 2016 · 340
Don't Wake Me
SJ Jan 2016
Body tucked in
Tightly pressed against skin
Chest to chest
Breath to breath
I'll breathe you in with no regrets
One chance at happiness is all I get
Touch my trembling hand with yours
Heart beating fast, wanting more
So silent is the night around us
As we continue to inhale this love
Exhale out slowly
Praying you don't leave me lonely
Want so badly to stay in this dream
Nothing is ever as it seems
If I stay with your skin pressed against mine
Maybe then It will slow down time
Lips swollen from a lovers kiss
Closed lids not wanting to miss
All the wonders of this dream
Where you and I are allowed to be
Body tucked in
Tightly pressed against a wish
Knowing if I wake
This dream will dissipate
Scatter into what it was before
A hope, a want
Nothing more
Jan 2016 · 327
Then I Found Whiskey
SJ Jan 2016
I've been weary of my heart

Turning a blind eye at chance

Letting the bottle rule my life

Drink

Take away the pain that burns

Stings more than the liquid that aims to ****

Do I care if this ends?

Drink

Only wish to fade away

Depart from memories that cause the ache

My sinning is not helping to numb

Drink

I can't forget her smile even in my drunken haze

Want the memory of her pain gone

Bottle why won't you help?

Drink

Erase the love, my need, my greatest want

Waste away

Fill my bloodstream with your toxins

Drink

I'll close my eyes one more time

Picturing her behind closed lids

Here comes the pain

Drink

Take a sip

One more

Drink till the end and make me forget

Drink

Who was she that tempted me?

My memory is blank

My heart is empty

*Drink
Jan 2016 · 292
Waiting to be called home
SJ Jan 2016
It was loud
Thunder booming in the background
Lightning offering its shine to all those without light
The old man with no hope knew he was in for a long night
Numb from the normal aches that come with old age
The knife in his heart masking the pain
Ever since his love had been called away and he was left here to stay
Left in the old house wishing she was still there to fill the emptiness
Pain was difficult before she parted; Now pain was the Ultimate test
Dripping of the rain the splatter here and there
Filling the silence yet making the loneliness too much to bare
Thoughts of a crooked grin
Eyes forever young. Ones he'd never see again
Do you know what it is like to miss half of your heart?
Have the ultimate love then have death tear your world apart?
Reached in so suddenly and took her away
What was once meant to be now is gone and the man doesn't know if he should stay
It'd be so easy to join the girl
May she be how she was before?
Back when they first met
Back before all he did was mourn and wept
When her hair was long and flowing
Baby blue eyes full of the love she was always showing
Smile so quick to warm the heart
That girl was mine before the start
She was destined to me. And I was her one and only.
A woman so kind and caring for a man who had been so lonely
Now my wrinkle hands tremble as I stand in the heart of the storm
Looking upward for a sign of her as I mourn
Praying lightning would strike down and send me home
Back into her arms so that I'm no longer alone
Wanting to end it all right here and now Knowing that she would take my decision with a frown
She was never about taking the easy way out
Always knowing what was best without a doubt
So taking shelter away from the storm.. away from this pain
I will live until I am called home. Then with her I will remain
Jan 2016 · 377
Learning From My Mistake
SJ Jan 2016
Bleeding out in such a silent way
My concious did begin to fade
Torn between what is right and why he's wrong
Not wanting to continue but I was with him for so long
Eyes begged me to give in
Stomach churned as I committed the sin
Heart shattered as I told the one
Trembling with hate at what I had done
How dare I let the past taint our love
Weak is what I was
Ashamed is how I felt retelling how I had committed the deed
Surprise and relief that this man was willing to forgive a weakling such as me
Open eyes and a new heart beating for only him
Proving to us that I am stronger than I had been
This man who had given me a second chance when I deserved none
Told me to learn from my mistakes and to rise above
I had seen the pain I had caused him
Tears he had shed because of my sin
I bled out in such a silent way
Never again will I stray
Jan 2016 · 413
Untitled
SJ Jan 2016
Little boy scream
Let out the cries
May they help with your suffering
The relentless pain
Forever drags you down
You are unable to gain
Nothing seems to end
One moment you can breathe
Then the hand is back again
Blocking your airway
Tightening the grip
Making you stay
Refusing to let you slip
Runway from the past
Time is forever stuck
Making your hell last
There is no tick tock
The hand refuses to move
On your clock
Maybe if you could let the past go
It wouldn't continue to haunt you so
Taunting you with painful memories
Stop focusing on what was
Focus on what could be
Little boy Scream
Jan 2016 · 399
Stay with me
SJ Jan 2016
I'm sick right now
Sickness of the mind
Wanting a way out
Not finding the time
Help me if you can hear these cries
Sometimes they're masked by the lies
Crying out I need you here
But when you come I whimper out in fear
Do I need someone who confuses my soul?
Someone I hate to want but can't seem to fight the pull
Pulling me where?
Down?
Will I fall or will my feet hit the ground?
Either way I'm yours
Through my fear I know this for sure
You will catch me if I fall
If I need help I know you'll be there for it all
These whimpers are for someone before
Someone who left a fragile heart sore
So forgive me when my mind is blinded by dark thoughts and unbearable  images of the past
This sickness that consumes me with fear will fade but I know my love for you will last
Jan 2016 · 239
Breathe Out My Love
SJ Jan 2016
I lay here silently
Feeling him
Breathe
Chest moving subtly
In and
Out
Letting me know
Alive and well
My
One is laying beside me
I feel complete in this
Love
Laying here with the man
The man I call
Home
Soft snores
Fill the Silence and this
Is
Another act that makes me smile
And wonder
How
Did I ever get this lucky
He makes someone as weak as
I
Strong and sure
That's how he makes me
Feel
Arms will pull me closer
My heart beat becomes unsteady
When
His hand does gently caress my left hip
And this leaves me aching and now
I'm
Feverish with need as my body yearns
To mold with yours whenever you're
Near
Safe and secure
Is my soul with
You
I love this man sleeping next to me
He is mine to love and
Hold
Refusing to let go
Of this man who holds
Me
Even in the dead of night
I feel safe with him
Close
With this man
My soul has found its place
*Forver
Jan 2016 · 619
Cutting Ties
SJ Jan 2016
All this time spent listening to false words
They demanded to be heard
Like useless lullabies
They used to tell me nothing but lies
Hear my cries
Watch me die
This is everything I despise
How can I go on
Hanging on for to long
You have not seen what I have seen with these eyes
I think it's time to finally cut ties
Say a final farewell and be done with these lies
I need to go to a place with newer skies
Away from all these goodbyes  
Now I must go away from here and find a new home
Somewhere I'll no longer feel alone
I need this now more than ever
Stop being a follower when it's time to be clever
Goodbye old me
Time to face reality
Stop living in the clouds
Time to voice my thoughts out loud
Be who I was meant to be
Who I'm supposed to be
Not who they want to be
But who I need to be in order to achieve
Everything
Jan 2016 · 255
Don't Hide
SJ Jan 2016
Girl so small why do you cower?
Hiding behind walls
Keeping yourself locked in that tower
Afraid of everything, afraid to live.
If you stay hidden when will this life ever begin
Past is something that left you broken
Weighed down with dark thoughts that remain unspoken
Sheltered within these stone walls
Hear the temptation but ignore the calls
Will you ever truly be if you don't take risks?
Think about all the opportunities you will miss
Yes the bottom is so far down
The climb will be worth it when your feet hit the ground
Negative souls will be against your escape
Others will be encouraged by one so brave
Stop feeling trapped when you have a way to be free
That window is small yet it still allows you to see
Climb down from your tower once in awhile and explore
Don't constantly stay hidden if you secretly yearn for more
Jan 2016 · 245
She has a hold on you
SJ Jan 2016
Don't you know her?
She is the one that makes you wait
Makes you contemplate
Everything you once believed
Even though you don't know her
She is all you will see
She'll reach in and grab your heart
Won't release it
Even when you need to part
Hold you tight within her grasp
Falling for her is something that happens fast
Never have spoken to her one word
Yet your love is what you need to be heard
She teases you with the possibility of forever
Makes you remember some ties can't be severed
The invisible rope she has around you
You won't ever be able to cut through
Forget your fear; Make her see what your love can mean
This one will haunt you whether you hide or choose to be seen
Dec 2015 · 1.6k
Who He Was and Who He Became
SJ Dec 2015
Little boy smiling at me
Innocent and sweet
At the time he was a pain I hated to meet
My blonde bouncy curls he liked to pull
Teasing me had done it's toll
I'd chase him around
Doing circles on the playground
Just two young kids teasing eachother till no end
He was a stubborn boy, refusing to bend
Years passed as the boy grew into a strong willed man
I grew into a lanky woman without any goals or life plan
We drifted apart for awhile
Became separated by miles
You know when you meet someone again that you haven't seen for awhile?
It's hard not to remember them as they were when they were but a child
Meeting him again something had changed
Something that made my heart ache in way that was strange
Wanted to be close to him
Yet his once innocent eyes warned of sin
I could tell that the man had been through pain
I feared that this spark wouldn't remain
The boy was was still haunting my mind
The man was a reminder I was running out of time
Once so ornery and carefree
Now he could barely smile at me
I could tell he wanted this just as much
Seemed to fight the urge to lean in whenever we touched
So different they were. The boy and the man that he had become
The boy was there for me. The man just disregards my love
The man is forever fighting against the pull of fate
By the time he realizes what he needs it'll be too late
The one who use to chase me
Now tries to flee
Funny how the roles reversed
After so long I searched
Waited for him to come back here
Now all his pain screams not to come near
Strong man hiding from me
Broken and free
Long ago he was an innocent boy that taunted
Now he is the man that has left my heart haunted
Dec 2015 · 671
Love Me Always
SJ Dec 2015
Listen closely to the unsteady beat
Over and over it admits defeat
Victory seemed impossible
Everything then became unstoppable

Memory of being alone keeps me true
Escaped loneliness when I saw you

Always searched for the one
Living now for true love
Walking away instead of mending
Abandonment is not our ending
You will forever have my heart
So stay with me and never part
Dec 2015 · 259
Wrong Choice
SJ Dec 2015
Then it was you and me. Everyone else were nobodies. Not as free, just wanting to succeed.

Trying to please everybody wasn't for us. We had eachother in our lust. Nobody else did we trust.

How were we to know that this would all end? Always breaking but refusing to mend. Our Love never really did begin.

Just that ever taunting lust was always present. Tainting our senses, refusing to relent. Needing to go back to the beginning to find out what this all meant.

Could we have been more? Did we deny  a love that could've been the cure? Fixed the shattered mess that is our souls, diminish our wicked allure.

Now I'm sitting here with a heart in my trembling hands. Desperately wishing I could go back and fix the man. But at the time mending a broken soul was never part of the plan.

He was willing to try for me. Pick up the broken pieces of the dark memories. For some reason his compassion terrified me, I had the urge to flee.

All that it could be. All that it should be. All that it would be. My choices have a haunting ending. Sitting here figuring out what he was to me. I finally see.

That man was everything. Yet I just let him roam free. Leaving me here with my heart on my sleeve. My decision taunting me.
Dec 2015 · 267
Shutting Him Out
SJ Dec 2015
Uncertainty is running through me consuming my mind
Filling it with thoughts that make it impossible to unwind
How am I to break free if he refuses to let me be
Showing up day after day
His memory refusing to fade
These negative feelings continue to stay
His dark eyes haunting me with pain
Yet I know our love is something we will not regain
Time to shut the door on what was
Let the present lead me to true love
Dec 2015 · 417
Lovers Dance
SJ Dec 2015
Whispering sweet nothings into my ear

Just loud enough that I can hear

Slowly seducing me into a trance

Preparing me for our lovers dance

Tugging off piece by piece

My need for you will never cease

Your mouth does like to tease

My body begs for you to please

Hips squirm in need

Lust wanting to be freed

Hands exploring with curious touch

Never wanted to be loved this much

Heat surrounding us in cloud of lust

Love lingering as we promise to trust

Caress me gently inside and out

Biting my lip to hold in a lustful shout

Picking me up to lay me down on the bed

Now help me cease this hunger that begs to be fed
Dec 2015 · 935
One of you is Lying
SJ Dec 2015
Keeps pulling me in

It's about to begin

Leaning close to me
   Sighing

Stepping a little closer not done
   Trying

Leaves my body
   Quaking

My soul
   Shaking

Speaking honey dripped words
   Breathtaking

Perfection for awhile never
   Swaying

Waiting for a sign that he is
   Faking

When it is shown it will be
  Heartbreaking

My heart is his for the
  Taking

Still pulling me in

Going to let it begin

Ignore the side of me that is use to
   Denying

Mute the voice as it whispers, "One of you is Lying."
Dec 2015 · 291
Lost Her
SJ Dec 2015
She was beautiful
Her blonde hair flowed past her waist
Very shy creature, always hiding her perfect face
Everything I had needed at the time
Love was something I'd never hoped to find
For a short while though
It had been mine
If I could stop this clock
Rewind back before the shock
I'd breathe her in and never release
Keep her tight. Hold her close to me
Missed opportunities don't compare to this
Being so close to eternal bliss
With one wrong move and one misguided doubt of the mind
Wrecked my chances with the girl I had searched so hard to find
My false happiness can only last so long
Sitting here while she is moving on, trying to be strong
Never knew it was possible to drown in memories
Knowing blue eyes that seem to haunt me, refusing to let me be
I need her next to me. This agony won't cease
I need my love. Only she can bring me peace
Dec 2015 · 312
Confused By Mad
SJ Dec 2015
Promising to take me to wonderland.

Never run away in cowardice again.

Worry will fade when we're together.

All you'll need is the Hatter forever.

Binded tightly in the Red Queen arms.

Hatter returns and saves me from harm.

Unlike before when he was unsure.

The Hatter realized that this Alice is his world.

Yet I fell for someone long before.

Another who had promised to never leave my heart sore.

So do I trust someone who is Mad and never speaks in sane words.

Do I listen to my heart? It's demanding to be heard.
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