Last summer, you were sporting short shorts, a tank top, flip flops, and a smile so big it took up half your face. You used to frolic about the beach with your best friends, pushing each other around and teasing each other about the boys with tousled hair and dreamy eyes. You were happy then. Your hair wasn't an issue, nobody made remarks about the blackness of your skin, and you got along with everybody.

You heard so much about high school, and were more than excited to push past the doors to your supposed freedom. The first few days weren't too bad, until you realized that you had nobody to giggle and whisper with. All around you were beautiful girls with tan skin and blonde hair--so different from your brown skin and braids. And when you stood beside the girls with dazzling eyes and bright smiles, you couldn't help but feel inferior. When you became aware of their narrow waists and thin legs, you began pinching at your stomach and ******* in--trying to be just like them.

Just last year, you were the most outspoken girl in your whole class. Suddenly, your voice has gotten lost somewhere in your throat. Your anxieties fluctuate, and your stress increases. But you find
comfort in the contents of your fridge and sub-consciously begin eating and eating and eating until you feel satisfied. Here you are, undressed, standing before the mirror, staring at the number that has appeared on the scale in disgust. Nobody will ever love me, you think to yourself, as you point out all your flaws.

Your mother throws dresses your way, but you refuse to wear them. Some girls offer invitations to parties, but you decline. Why? Because you feel too unattractive for anyone. You feel undeserving of any love or inclusivity whatsoever. The old you is gone. Your confidence has evaporated and your self-esteem has disappeared.

It's strange how much someone can change over the course of one year.

under these thick covers
and above the soft pillows
i sink, and stay, and slither

alongside of the frozen window
and behind the closed doors
i look, and lay, and let go

crushed by thin walls
and these low ceilings
i find, and forget, and fall

though deep down this beauty
overcome with sleep
and yet i'm still queasy

because these covers
still have a scent of you
lingering all over

these popcorn ceilings
still have the vision of us
together smiling

and this plain white door
it's still waiting to be opened
cause it knows there's room for more

for you.

the blankets don't provide enough warmth
and extra pillows are still around
and this bed is still too big for one

but you're gone
and i know i'll only be with you in my sleep
after all that's been said and done

and though sleep is for the weak
the idea still fascinates me
being temporarily dead seven nights a week

but if it means having you by my side
i'll choose the real thing instead
cause i can't sleep without you even if i tried

*-djs

Unresponsive
Silence aching in the pit of my stomach boiling the blood beneath my skin
Raging chaos
Weeping solitude until I fall asleep awaiting an explanation
Shaken glory
Magnifies in the heat of some miscommunication, lack of trust slithering out within each insult
Always trying to defy the laws of gravity
Unable to admit there are no such thing as superheros, magic wands, or even luck
I am bulimic to love and lust and all things good
Allergic to kindness and appreciating and all things right
I always get left in the middle, asking myself
What the hell is wrong with me

Why do we always fall victim?
We eventually fade into a colorless spectrum anyhow.
And why do we believe someone else loves us?
I want to love you more than I love myself.
Weary emotions and exhausting potions are all I seem to find.

Please reach into the back of my mind,
where the darkness lies,
behind my tired eyes.
You might find all my unspoken words,
the lonely thoughts, that were never heard.
Even further, you might see a crying boy.
He wants to disappear, his feelings so coy.

I can feel the lovely darkness taking hold of me,
the influence and lack of confidence taking hold of me,
As I cry each drunken night, staring at her window,
through that blurry rainy sky.

Old flowers falling off the limbs mean we all will disappear into the sea.
A cold hard broken heart means, when the rain pours,
so does my heart.
A sad reminiscing mind means you’re the one I’ve thought about for years.
I make believe to have memories of us together,
when I haven’t even met you…

I want to love you,
like no one has ever loved me,
But I can see your words that no one ever hears,
stained within your skin, buried in fears.
So don’t look out your window tonight,
just stay still.
In the end, I can’t wait to feel the fire embrace me,
since it’s the only thing that ever will.

I have never really known you,
I only hear wonderful things
about your mark on the world.
Your influence on man-kind.
Though traces of you are still seen,
And I hope that we can meet in another life.

R.I.P. chivalry.

Everywhere, clocks and gears oversee
The passing storms that time their paces.
The leap between air and faces
Is more imagined than shown.
Forever lost among the few
Are trails, leaves, and traces.
Given up on chases-
I'd rather be alone.

Peeking through the blinds,
spying on the sunrise.
I live in the dark,
with my memories of The Fable.
hoping to send them away,
with the empty bottles on my coffee table.
My clothes smell of you and beer,
In the linen, are stains of tears.
My heart lives in the emptiness of tombs,
drinking my sad thoughts closer to my room.
In the morning, I listen to the tea leaves hit the steamy water.
Sipping on my cup as I watched her.
Staring at the reflection of your eyes in my cup,
listening to each final bubble burst, as I look up.
I never did understand the meaning of photo albums,
since it makes me cry for miles,
when I see pictures of our young smiles.
Reaching a distant high,
from your beautiful scent, still on my jacket,
From where you wept.
You told me, it’s the people who suffer,
who make good lovers.
I guess you already knew,
what was to be my fate,
ever since our first date.
I don’t want to be just a memory and slip into your past,
I want to be your present,
But it all went much too fast.
There’s no more emotion here,
and soon I will just disappear.
Watching the clouds pass in the reflection of the cars,
letting my life pass with them, to the stars.
Now its late, its half past four
and there’s a knock at my door.
Maybe its you, or maybe its my second death.
Everyone dies the first death, but the second,
is where you are forgotten.
Here is where we first kissed,
but I don’t want to be missed.

Every person has a puzzle and rarely is there a key.
For each corner we turn around, we find another enemy.

Something's creeping, crawling inside.
Personal wars we make, where the bullets fly.

Killing for a name, for an upgrade, we **** each other.
Only to get *****,
Quietly...

Ducking for cover was never an option when you were raised painfully.
Words of love died why?
You forgot to sing to me.

I'm off to war dad, don't take it personally.
We all have a battle.
We all have temptations to feed...
Some love, while some greed.
Just remember to do it
Quietly.

You are my superhero
even when I was just a child,
you always protect me,
you always wipe my tears away
whenever I cry,
and whisper:
"It's okay darling, I'm here,
no one's gonna hurt you now."

You'd fly me to skies
if everybody chose to pull me down,
you'd lend me peace of mind
when I am in troubles
you guide me in times
I was reading between the lines;
you let me see the world
and taught me how to walk
every distance I should travel,
the roads may seem so difficult,
I'm not afraid anymore
for you gave me the courage.

You to me are everything
and I admit the fact
that I'd be lost
without your presence,
I'm sorry if I may hurt you
through my actions;
but one thing for sure
is that I love you so much,
and don't you worry
if you're getting old
for to me you're still
the most beautiful woman,
I have ever known.

Everyone wants to
                           box things up
                 Seal it all behind zippers
       and buttons and clips and plastic wrap

         In the hopes that what is
                               inside the box is
                In some way better than what
                                             Exists outside