here is a memory yet to be:

you;
heart spilling out of hands onto keyboard keys, tongue trapped in butterfly wings and ribcage cracks, head pounding, world stopping
( 'i couldn't get over you'
  'i miss you'
  'i'm still here' )

me;
knuckles red and empty chest, tired feet with no one to run to, swallow the loneliness go on there's no one watching, god these bleeding palms are scarring now, there is daytime sometimes but never when i need the light, i can't even ******* write

'what am i supposed to say?'

it's just a little drizzle on my shoulders now
my hands are empty of yours and
i've never felt so light before
there you are -
side of the road; last month's heartbreak still on your face
hands in pockets and words shoved even deeper
i bring up love
and you bring up how forever was never ours
to claim, except i wanted us more than
the air in my lungs
(i tried to trade one for the other and you
still didn't know what to say)
the poetry i write is stinking
of greyscale rain your hands are the cold
of another girl's and this will be the part where i
walk away

i never saw myself as a city until you
little hometown boy
with lazy quiet saturday morning eyes and i know my highway lips
are only spilling background noise white noise traffic noise
isn't it too loud where my heart is?
why are you still listening? you are fireplace chimney soft little lover and

i'm a hundred miles per hour too far past the exit sign and i can't ******* breathe when i'm going down this fast isn't it perfect because i never even want to aren't you lost yet i am sharp skyline piercing daydream weekend clouds apart there are no curves on the road i'm tearing up for myself no shotgun for you baby this is me falling apart on the side of the street under a storm cloud

loud little girl suddenly so small because the universe is infinite and i'm just a city of angry broken things can you hear the windows shattering i always tell you i'll burn down my apartment one day do you ever remember the **** i say slow motion urban apocalypse is what quivering mirrors show i'm a ******* movie scene when will the credits roll.

are you waiting too? is that why you want me to stay? you watched me throw my heart downtown little ******* gutter soul and i watched you run after it fish it out from my own rotten ribs and hand it back to me with that shy tangled up in mushy midnight memories when i kept you awake look on your face

you and your soft heartbeat hands for a horizon what do i even say i'm always trying to run away i wish i could slow down for you i wish i wish i wish i could be your little hometown girl with softer countryside eyes and freckles mapping all the secret quiet valleys we fall in love in you want to take me home, don't you? you're aching for a forever with me under soft silent sunlight there's no rush when we have true love right but there is there is THERE IS

i have to move or i'll disappear when i'm not angry i'm not alive i am neon you are candlelight i'm choking on glass shard misery earthquake heartbreak about to topple if you unbalance me IT'S SO LOUD IN MY HEAD all you hear is the laughter rippling out of me because trainwreck entertainment is all i know how to be

listen, boy. i love all the gentle nooks and crannies of your heart, how much you worry when i'm alone in the dark, but cities are only pretty when the light fades away, only irresistible from far away

stay where you are and maybe i'll stay

i want to write myself a dynasty
of poetry, intricate and far away from words that come out so wrong and broken
do you understand a thing i say? i'm trying to
spin a tapestry out of my own pain
all this blood is still the same
same color same red
i wish my words weren't as empty as i am

the last time i saw your
face (laughing eyes and silent
goodbyes)
you didn't cry

now you say you don't write anymore
will you say all the words are
caught in your throat
somewhere between a secret
and the truth -
do they really even know
you? from your freckles to your fists
can they read all the words you don't
know how to say
the anger you kept in your hands
and your voice
the anger i kept in
my own since i let you
walk away?