i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry

i know this emptiness
spills out of my lips into
words that will never make sense
i'm trying to make sense
out of blank pages and aching fingers that shatter
every single thing they touch
i'm trying to let air in my lungs
but they're filled with something
else that's draining the very life out of
me
i'm sorry
i'm just trying to breathe

i am the tornado kind of
misery, thrashing ocean rage
and the wrath of the shrieking
skies
bleeding into sadness
when you catch raindrops
in shaking little palms you hide
back in your pockets because i'm too
scared to hold your hand

you can't bundle me into
your arms and shelter me
from the winter you see outside shattered
windowpanes and creaking haunted
doors
of rooms you lock the madness within
because the madness is inside
there is a clawing in my blood
and darling
it's not singing for your love

it's not singing at all
where is this melody you hear
whenever you want me in your arms
?
what is your heart humming along to
when all i hear is

rain
and oceans and thunderstorms
and hurricanes
can you hear me
my heart?

it's the quiet underneath
it all

Last night, you were angry. Tonight, I am tired so tired and I am sick of full stops when these thoughts are always rolling on and on off the pages into these hands that can't hold anything at all

I want to hold myself together so tightly you'd never think about holding me in your warm summer arms because I am strong and i am growing and all I want to tell you is i don't need this anymore

Not yet not yet oh god how long will i have to wait to become something a little less of a dried up shell of a girl who runs into oceans and depths whenever the sea breeze carries the scent of love a little closer how long will i have to wait till i can throw you away

There is a fear don't you know my little love i tell you of it every day and every night in every breath and every sigh I am so ******* terrified

I write about you like you are something from long ago as if I am older and wiser and so very cold but you are now this moment the present I'll never deserve there is so much future out there if you just opened your door can't you see

There is no winter if only you'll leave