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Sarah Feb 2015
i. the sun is tearing the night apart
   and you know and he knows
   that you'd rather cling onto the
   the stars in your palm, shyly
   twinkling like the words he is only
   brave enough to whisper when you
   are half awake

ii. no stars in his eyes,
    no galaxies in yours -
    this is only fireplace friendship
    to keep each other warm

iii. this is what you tell yourself
     every morning you wake
     up in his arms

iv. you won't ever lose those stars
     you clutch like diamonds and prayer beads
     or raindrops of crystal gold
     they burn your fingers sometimes
     so you treasure them in your shivering bones
     until they collapse in on your soul
     as if darkness has a weight -
     misery is the only color that can't escape,
     you fill your veins with stardust debris
     and white and white and white
     to compensate an emptiness that
     has no name until you watch
     yourself fall apart like dying embers
     of fires of the heart

v. did you forget?
    these ashes of you,
    all black too

vi. he tells you, no, he
     forces you to rid this habit
     of dropping black holes at your own feet
     he aches to see you asleep on the streets
     when there is always home right where
     he breathes
     but you like it better underneath
     the moon, the stars in your worn-out
     pockets are a little brighter in the dark,
     a little lighter to hold when your fingers
     forget to suffocate and tremble
     the way they have grown used to

vii. the stars are even brighter

viii. when he holds them

ix. with you

x. will it hurt so much if you
    drop one

    only for his
    hand?
do you know my face like the back of your hand
Sarah Jan 2015
no, you can't
have my heart
i forgot where it
is

maybe under my
bed with all the pink
shoes i outgrew not so
long ago or
maybe
with 'Jane Austen'
and the dragon books
on my shelf with
the diamond dust confetti
like morning dew i never
wake up early enough for
maybe between
the pages of poetry, maybe
it drained down my
bathroom sink
maybe i
left it at the back of
your car that last night
i told you i didn't want
to go home
maybe i gave
it away, no, not as
a gift, only just an
afterthought
for the hopeless on
the streets

or maybe i like
it better without
a beating in my
veins, blood needs
no chorus, wouldn't
you agree?

you wear your
heart on your sleeve
because maybe
you like bleeding
with a melody

baby, i don't
wanna sing;
red is better as
paint because music
can't scream color the
way my lungs do
when you hold me close
enough
to hear all the things
you can't say and all
the things that make me
run away

who needs a heart just to
breathe?
and its right in front of me
Sarah Jan 2015
My lungs are empty I am choking on air I can't breathe Oh God what will it take to fade away please my hands are so empty without hers to hold and they shook so much when I told her I'd never let her go it's all ******* red this sky was never blue it's just another red only she could name because compass palms and arrow scars on her wrists pointing to the North I could never find because the rain ruined the only map she left behind god why do you let her haunt me like this oh god I left her there at the side of the road because because because sixteen months ago I wrote her poetry at the same time I forgot how to breathe please God let me trade one for the other I don't want her no I just want air in my lungs her rain was too many winters long oh god when will summer come she is so February and I froze in her arms oh god I just wanted one of the stars in her eyes just one just one to keep me warm it's so dark in my head in this hole god these thoughts are not a red I want to see again please this color is painting your name over and over again all I wanted was -

*i thought i'd find you here

this hole is only
my own
you let the fire out
  Jan 2015 Sarah
Afrah Ali
don't stare at me
with those ensnaring eyes
hidden mirth beneath that twisted grey

try listening, for once
listen to the sound of your soul
screaming

you're too cold to melt
Sarah Jan 2015
I need more words
to devour -
your i love you's cannot
quench this black
hole for long enough

tell me I am
art and you cannot
tear your eyes
away

tell me I am
the red rain
your veins will
wither without

tell me I am
the inferno your sweet
little matchstick heart
was made to love

your lips never spill
poetry, I know
I know

I like you better
this way;
please
will you tell me
you'll stay?
baby stay with me
Sarah Jan 2015
you've never looked
at me like
poetry
to you, these broken
pieces are always
so whole
and maybe these shaking
hands really
are all you've ever
wanted to hold

just lend me your
looking-glass and
I'll be alright
the harvest moon is wicked
Sarah Jan 2015
stop breathing toxic
sunshine
into my lungs

there is too much
rain within
too much thunder
in my heartbeat
too much lightning
painting my charred bones
white and then,
black again in sick
repetitive monochrome misery
that leaves my rib cage shattered and my
heart
just a ****** mess
at my feet

red stains these
floorboards and the
grayscale in my eyes
seeps just enough color
to make me scream when
I can't sleep

can't you see
that flowers won't grow
where your fingers graze
my skin?

I am only a storm to
run from;
hide behind your clouds
of dreams and smiles
and -
*go away
come again another day
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