In her eyes you see the forgiveness, you refuse to give yourself

That makes you angry, because who is she to forgive you for things you’ve done to yourself
It scares you, because it makes you aware that you could tear her apart the same way, and she’d have the same look in her eyes
It warms you in a way that you can’t acclimate to, after adjusting to years of the cold
It makes you think she must be so deeply flawed, to dignify you and all of yours
It has you thinking in a way that is new to you, for once your desires aren’t the force that drives you
You would lose the acceptance you’ve been craving, to save her from someone who can’t accept themself  
You don’t even realize this self-sacrificial heart you’ve grown proves that this is what you deserve
So you give her up, and you can only hope that one day she’ll be happy

But what you never saw in her eyes, is that with you she already was

I infer they overestimated the ships foundation, eager to set sail
The world really puts a weight on people to go follow a certain path
Unfortunately, they were at mutiny since the day they departed
They had high hopes to flourish, but we all know you can't predict the seas, only the moon can

I'd say when I was born the ship had already been sinking, but it was long before they felt the water coming through the cracks
I've always kept my head so high in the clouds that my naive but determined hopes kept us a sail through every weather

When a sinking ship sails through rough shores for the sole purpose of getting you where you need to go, it creates some type of complex
Definitely a resentment of the rough seas that lacked the passive self-control you've grown to practice, but also a deep gratitude for the days no-one hopped on a life-boat and turned their back

I've seen more animosity than tranquility, but I've also seen that people spend decades drowning out of love
I've learned that maybe sometimes people could be better off calling quits on what is definitively irreparable, so much pain can be avoided
But I never falter my peace with regrets

It's hard to know when someone is on a sinking ship, because it grows to feel normal for them
When water sinks in, you move to higher ground
When people notice and you feel their pity it feels wrong,
You're okay, you've adapted and you're better for it

Born on a sinking ship, I'll still call it home
Like a true captain I'll stand with who and what I believe in till the bitter end, yet I'll always keep my head above the water
So thank you to the rough seas that raised me
It was nature's chaos that bred my inner serenity

I'm smiling because when I yelled my loudest and cried for the hateful noise to stop, I learned to create a state of harmony in my own mind  
I'm smiling because when I was told I was different I learned to embrace it, why be the same when you can be more than that
I'm smiling because I could never shake that my nose was too big for me, but now my heart has grown to be the biggest part of me
I'm smiling because I've watched someone I desire desire someone in front of my eyes and I learned to have better taste in what I desire
I'm smiling because as I've heard people say things they don't mean, I've made a promise to mean everything I say
I'm smiling because after losing almost every belonging I grew up with, I learned that material items mean close to nothing  
I'm smiling because after waiting on things that would never come, I've learned to never wait on happiness and to seek it out instead
I'm smiling because I've grown close to people who aren't in my life anymore, and I've learned either something beautiful or essential from every one of them
I'm smiling because people who were once complete strangers have become permanent residents of my heart and everlasting parts of my memories
I'm smiling because I think its funny that people assume when you're always smiling you must have never known pain  
I'm always smiling because although I've known pain, I know there is beauty in pain and there is beauty to be found in everyday

Calculated or spontaneous movements, both quiet and loud
We are who we're becoming, we were born to be proud
But pride has this level, pride has this curse  
Pride has this tendency of making matters worse

Pride is crucial and necessary, but pride causes pain
Pride is fear of losing one's edge and in turn losing potential for gain
But do we really have an edge, or just a lackluster illusion?
What's this feeling that keeps us inside this self-securing dellusion?

Sometimes I wonder if just for a day, I took all my pride and threw it away?
If I said all the words I've ever thought to say, would I see things start to go my way?
If I stopped telling myself the world can't see me without a mask
Creating a vision of openness, while leaving vulnerability all in the past

While I'm strong, and strongly convicted to my honesty  
I'd rather lie wholeheartedly, than admit I feel weak
Because remember that word, that strange hovering boulder
That tells you to take your welcoming heart, and make it turn colder

But what can we say when pride keeps us safe? Really what can we do?
Whenever I've tried to push it aside, I've felt things that felt together unglue
If the stakes don't matter than prides not a factor, we know what to bring
Yet we'll sit where we are, afraid to move for anything worth anything

I'm hoping one day, I find a new way to keep my soul safe
That I'll stay proud of who I am but not too proud to try
That I’ll look back to how I used to hold back and I'll be laughing
I'm starting to have faith, stranger things have happened

Why do we catch fireflies?
Doesn't the entire night sky need them more than we do?

They roam freely, lighting their own way,
Because it's in their nature, they're not asking to be chased.
But still, as humans thats what we do
We see a light and we reach for it.

We want that light to be our own,
Any contribution into the pile that illuminates our self-worth.
So we'll fixate, try our best to grasp this shining light
We'll put it on a pedestal, chasing it all night.

And as for the firefly, constant flight gets tiring.
Even with the brightest light, dark nights can make you feel alone.
So they see a safe place to rest and land,
until the next thing they know you close your hand.

So you made them a prize, like a hunter on a quest
put the new light in the jar on your night-table with all the rest.
But once put in your jar, you can't differentiate it at all,
All you can see is the collection of light, brightening your wall.

It's just another contribution to the light in your dark ,
you have no idea what's in it's heart,
and you don't care.

But what the firefly doesn't understand is why  it was pursued so intensely, to be treated as one in the same.
Taken aside from it's carefree flight, by someone who one day won't remember it's name.

So now you have a firefly stuck in your jar amongst the others,
losing it's light, flickering out,
until you let it go.

But why would you?
Little boys need their night lights.

A little girl asks her mom what it means to be alive
She says something comforting, never mentioning the sleepless nights she cries
We spend years taking things in, every hour of life we're learning
Then we spend years unraveling truths, it's despondent but discerning

But it's not all bad, we've got potential, man walked on the moon
It's just such a sad view of happiness, that you could lose it if you speak too soon
Let negativity give you motivation, be strong, be bolder
Don't be frustrated when your told you'll understand when your older

Live for the moments you feel like you have life in the palm of your hand
Live for the answers to the questions you can never fully understand

Eyes open wide for the first time
They wait on our cry to know we're alive
That's the first, but not last time
They'll return every time we feel torn apart inside

We start instantly being held and adored
The most innocent form of life in the world
With time like earth we'll become and bloom
Like all else, rise and fall with the sun and moon

One day we'll see fear
Stomach drops, heart beating fast
One day we'll be passing through a moment
Well hold on to it, we'll wish it could always last

We'll both cherish and regret the things we've done
Trapped in the foolish illusion we're alone, the only one

One day we'll feel warmth and peace and ease,
Our roots planted firmly in the ground, in a forest full of trees

Learning when to appreciate and differentiate moments of significance,
Learning to accept indulgence and enjoy without succumbing to decadence

Milestones from blank slate to grave,
Building distractions from wondering if we have souls to save

To you, she was splattered paint on a wrinkled page
Half stuck to your wall by one piece of tape
You always looked past it, but wouldn't throw it away
You barely realized how it complimented your day
So many colors, so bright, no direction
An overwhelming mess serving as calming affection
But still, you were passively looking, searching for art
Waiting to lay eyes on something that would pull on the strings of your heart

You wanted something flawless, with pretty pastels
Something that at upper-scale auctions would always sell
Once you found it you'd take her down
Bid her farewell, thank her for being around
Everyday you'd look past her unaware of the comfort she provided
Who could blame you? She wasn't what you were looking for, you just collided

Overtime, the tape weakened but you didn't see
You left the window wide open and she drifted away freely,
You came home and noticed something was different, but at first didn't know why
You noticed the painting was gone and to your surprise, started to cry
For the first time in a long time you felt that pulling at the strings of your heart
For the first time in your lifetime you realized that painting was art

No wonder you could never find it, that painting was yours
But you were never proud to own it, so it was no more
It's funny how they say art is never appreciated until the artist is gone
Such a tortured process the glory takes so long
Van Gogh was overlooked now he's timeless
His work went from invisible to priceless
To let something like that escape would be a sin
Some people save up their whole lives for a piece of him

So let her be your Van Gogh,
only appreciated once she had to go
Her messy colors once meant nothing to you,
now they're all you'll know

It was dead of winter, the air, silent and cold
Layers of fresh snow falling, stacking on the old
I was completely frozen and felt so alone
I didn't realize how long i'd be waiting on my own

Then, in a dark shadow something caught my eye
I saw a warm smile, on which I felt I could rely
You knew to approach me slowly, so I wouldn't be scared away
For the first time in a long time I was seeing the light of day

You gently reached for my arm to guide me on my way
I felt your warm blooded skins touch through my every vein
You paused for a moment and I was confused
You said to close my eyes there was one thing you had to do

I felt you place something around my wrist
I was so immersed in the warm touch I barely noticed it
Although there was nothing to see, it felt thin like string
Oh well, never mind I thought, lets see what this journey may bring

So we walked and walked and laughed until the spring
Our laughter harmonized with the birds as they started to sing
We walked side by side, so closely but never crossed paths
I would've felt more whole being your other half

When it got dark at night you lit the path for me
I didn't know how important a stranger could one day be
One day it rained and I turned to you
When I saw you were the cloud, I didn't know what to do

I thought it's simple, it must be me
I must just attract these type of things
The rain cleared and you were there
We were still walking I just didn't know where

After every storm i'd drift slightly away to avoid the rath
Its hard to go far though when you feel like you're missing half
I tried to get the storms to stop, but you always had a reason
You had an explanation for why it had to rain in every season

It was understandable,  easy to accept and believe
What was my other choice I wasn't going to leave
One day it rained so hard I fell
I didn't feel the pain entranced by the rain's somber smell

The pain lasted, as did the rain
I could barely catch my breath or stay sane
I knew it once and for all I had to step away
I could see in the distance the dawn of a new day

But when I started to walk away, I couldn't really leave
There was a string attached to you, bound to my sleeve

It was sewn on so tight, there was no space to see
I knew if I were to cut it off, it would cut a little of me
But I realized wounds heal, it's okay to bleed
Sometimes If you feel like you can't be free, freedom is what you need

Vacant bodies taking on roles in stories,
defining meaning of one another,
blank slates taking on infinite colors,
painted red with love and pain,
painted white with pure beginnings,
and painted black with tarnished ends