She is numb and foggy
every tremor and twitch is a protest
trying to stay still in order to stop feeling
insomnia, she stares at a wall
thinking she doesn't deserve to dream

Now she is punished by day dreams
filling the gaps in her mind
visuals of isolate rooms and dry valleys
she shuts her eyes as guilt fills her chest

Shuddering, she shakes her head
thinking its foolish to feel this way
when freed she moves with grace
and drifts to dreamland with caution
knowing again she will be paralyzed

The sunsets are unsaturated,
landscapes lack detail
and my portraits are missing teeth and eyelashes

as a rule, all my art is unfinished
due to the fear of a final product
that is just going to break me

canvas after canvas I collect
overwhelming amounts unfinished work
there's too much disappointment in a finished piece

it's dangerous way to live life
giving up to protect myself
nothing will be as beautiful as what my mind can make up

this is a repeating influence in my life
and satisfaction may never come,
But I am trying to see the beauty in imperfections

So this is a first draft of a poem

The gears of a clock
Powered by battery
We are forced to keep going

Living systematically without regards
It will continue to click
The sound reminds me of the time we have left

But when my battery runs out all is silent
And I am abandoned with my thoughts
So I reflect in the unsuspected silence

Here we are forced to live on a wall relentlesslly in this beautiful world of suffering.

Despite loosing my heart
My chest feels heavy
I drag this burden around
as I search, in hopes to find a beat

I  listen for it in bars
And try to feel it in others  
always faking it as I go along  
Im fearful they see that my smile is an old souvenir
or find out my laughter are fireworks,
but during the day

I’m hopeful waiting for that heartbeat
,but there’s only an echo or murmur
it rumbles as hope turns to dread
While a shallow numbness fills the spaces

My chest feels heavy, who knew an absence could weigh so much.

When the last breath is exhaled
The feelings of love now failed
Leaves only a sadness for a while
That is masked with a half smile

Overwhelming emptiness is there
but the lack of touch is worse to compare
as the feelings of sadness are translated
Into anger that is never faded
An anger of which I cannot shake
Like a sickness it cannot be faked

I go on though, trying to be done with my broken duet
Always wondering what will it take to forget
And this guilt ridden pain I try not to notice
Appears most when not all feels hopeless