what is there left to say
when all the words i've laid
in front of you bear no meaning
we speak different languages
mine, delicate
yours, harsh

the words-
ones i scramble to find
but still can't push to you
- - -
is this where we part?

please
let me go
and let me be free
to sing my song
for those who feel
my melody

a page turns
& the year passes
but with us remains
all of our compassions

so let us proceed
into the next chapter,
lest we be relieved
til we find
all that matters

fervent for being their likeness
yet abhorrent of what they're like.
down a rabbit hole
filled with champagne
until I'm neither like them
nor like myself
- - -
just somewhere
in between
still no where
at all

somedays it seems very clear
that December is never dear
to me.

snow-kissed branches outreached
atop snow-kissed mounds of cold

crystals gently laying themselves
upon the silent earth outside.
a silence that can only be heard
when all shelter from the
falling flakes outside.
- - -
winter after winter
i always wish as it draws nearer

for a family warming their toes
around a crackling hearth adorned
with red stockings and an initial
of our names on each.

to be drinking mulled cider
and mull over musings of the
yesteryear together. all while
sneaking glances at the neatly
wrapped boxes underneath the
Christmas tree we wreathed a
day after Thanksgiving.
- - -
but my winters have no snow
and no Christmases worth
watching through a window.
my family is myself
and myself is sorrow.

like the dark winter sun
you return every morning
to my sky that you
left with darkness
just a short while ago.
- - -
but with your light
you forget to bring
the warmness
yet still, i stay
outside.

filling my insides
with your
poisonous fruits.
your breath
like venom
& your words
like knives
- - -
it's been years
but your gaze
makes me shudder
with terror

afraid of
which facet
you will now
present