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It's not easy ...
not really easy being me
when you're stood before the world
and you're there for all to see,

When you're stood under the spotlight
and the people stare at you
when you're feeling full of miracles
but knowing what you have to do,

When you think your friends surround you
and you're feeling kinda' good
just watch that space behind you
when you feel misunderstood,

Cos' you'll always find there's someone
creeping up, on the attack
who will kiss you on the cheek
and then stab you in the back,

When they drag you off to someplace else
and you're stood before the boss
they'll judge and whip and scourge you
then nail you to a cross,

Where they shout and mock and jeer at you
and they pierce you with a spear
when your family's there below you
and you know your end is near,

And you call upon your Father
and you call upon the Host
then quiet repose besets you
and you give up the Holy Ghost,

Then they take you down, and tend to you
and they wrap you in a shroud
and they roll a rock before you
just to hide you from the crowd,

Where you disappear forever
and you walk right off the set
and they start a new religion
all because you were a threat.**

...   ...   ...
Flesh is heretic.
My body is a witch.
I am burning it.

Yes I am torching
ber curves and paps and wiles.
They scorch in my self denials.

How she meshed my head
in the half-truths
of her fevers

till I renounced
milk and honey
and the taste of lunch.

I vomited
her hungers.
Now the ***** is burning.

I am starved and curveless.
I am skin and bone.
She has learned her lesson.

Thin as a rib
I turn in sleep.
My dreams probe

a claustrophobia
a sensuous enclosure.
How warm it was and wide

once by a warm drum,
once by the song of his breath
and in his sleeping side.

Only a little more,
only a few more days
sinless, foodless,

I will slip
back into him again
as if I had never been away.

Caged so
I will grow
angular and holy

past pain,
keeping his heart
such company

as will make me forget
in a small space
the fall

into forked dark,
into python needs
heaving to hips and *******
and lips and heat
and sweat and fat and greed.
I watch you through my eyes of glass
A tempting sight from first glance
So innocent and gentle is your way
Nothing like you has ever come my way
You shimmer in the light of the shining sun
You and your friends having fun

I must be careful where I tread
my kind is not welcome or so I have read
I see you from behind the clouds playing silly games
I wish to feel this joy as I hide my steamy shame
my kind would disown me for visiting such a place
Yet I am drawn to you , your beauty and your grace
but I do not belong here and this I must face
If only for a moment I could catch you in flight
I would not hurt , or tarnish your golden wings of light
Just to gaze at you and for you to see me too
Not the creature I am but, what I would be for you
Then I would set you free
and perhaps become more than the monster I have been made to be....
Night
How easily the mind will run
For new day has yet to come
To see unto minds freedom-ness
Into unconsciousness you've won.

The unforgiving silence,
An ever provoking wind,
Pulls you to remembering
Any – every – sort of time.
Maybe some of dreams
Maybe some of mares
Shone only onto midnight,
It is soon that you’ll be there.

The warmth of our mind on airs
Can bring lovers heart and heart
Can heed its constant rhythm
And let leave just like the lark -
Fly away- as night does
With dreaming time elapsed
Tis now soon, at the sun rise
Thoughtful passions, dreams unmatched

Soon be seen the break of light
Evil day - the thief it is
Will steal away its beauty
Night* – it’s you that we will miss.
I sit on my porch, the sky is dropping
As I pour my tea.  The day was lit
With paint and brush, now my face
Is lighted by the round full joy
Of the shining moon, I see
Him in my filling cup.
Longing, probably.
A feeling of need.
For things.
Places.
Longing, such a melodramatic word
Disgusting.
Dreams described as something so weak.
Almost rude
Saying these feelings, these needs
Are little more than a flight of fancy.
A lusting from a pubescent teen boy
Over some pin-up model.
Longing, needing, wanting...
I mean, ******, I NEED THESE THINGS is all
All that my ever-noisy mind screams
"I've seen your drawings.
"Your mind must be like an acid trip."
Not a good one.
Constant, consistent, ever-present, complete need for
Stupid, useless things
For people who give not a care in the world about me
Places that don't want me...
An acid trip, a bad one, dark voices yelling at me,
My guilt full of egotistical self-blame.
"Everything has to be someone's fault.
"Always.
"It must be mine."
My fault, my fault, mine mine mine
Always always my fault.
Stupid stupid
I can't even get things wrong right.
Or whatever.
******.
Longing for understanding,
To understand my inner desires.
For things.
The rude word of longing
Tainting even the shameful wants and needs in my heart.
Stupid...
longing and neediness
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