i find it so strange
how you always find a way
to creep into my dreams
even when you don't belong there

maybe it's because i let you in
i let you in and now you wont leave
in a way i kind of like you here though
these thoughts get pretty lonely

my mind wanders
and my body tries to follow
chasing you is hard
but you know i'll never give up

you always appear
at the strangest times
at awkward moments
not only in my dreams

its okay though
im used to awkward
because thats who i am
and you understand that

thank you

thank you for understanding,
for being someone worth chasing,
for making my awkward moments a tad less awkward,
for being my dream

You stared back at me
Smiling
No care in the world
So naive of how ugly you'd become
Unaware of how your life would change
In a matter of just a few years

Your free time consumed of
Hospitals
Blades
Hatred
And sorrow
All combined into one pill
That you take every morning

I'm trying you promise
But I know you just want it all to end
You've become accustomed to being unhappy
Your picture of beauty is not what you see in the mirror
All because of things said to you
Drilled into your brain
Like little nails holding your thoughts together

You spend you nights hurting
Yet you can't cry anymore
You've cried enough tears for two lifetimes
But it never seemed like enough

You'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Because at least that means you're still alive

You're heart's still pumping
Lungs still breathing
Feet still taking steps
Closer and closer to the edge of reality
Losing you sanity
And faith in humanity
Your head spinning in circles
Making you feel so dizzy
That you pulled the trigger

Lowered ten feet under
Into the dirt you barely walked on
So young at heart
But your soul aged too fast

I still hear your voice
I still smell your perfume
I hear your laugh across the room
And so I run to it
Only to find
Nothing

Every year that goes by
I forget more and more about you
Trying to grasp your tiny chubby fingers
So that I don't lose myself
The way I lost you

But just like that
I'm in the same place as you
And you know that means
*I'll never be back

your eyes are making me wonder
your lips are on my mind
your hair is long and blond
why wont you love me
i admire everything  about you
im not a bad boy so you laugh at my love for you
you dont see my eyes  or my lips not even my hair life is just not fair

there’s a boy with a black jacket and green eyes jumping into your car
and he asks you to buy him a cupcake so you do
and he hasn’t told you his name and you haven’t told him that you stole this car
he follows you home and crawls into your bed
he tells you what his name is but you think he’s lying

so you let him tuck up to your body and tighten his arms around your shoulders
when you wake up he’s still there and it’s still dark outside
so he takes your hands and pulls you outside
you drink something that makes you feel numb
and you still haven’t told him that you stole that car
and he hasn’t paid you back for the cupcake so you sit in silence

and then you go to bed again and he’s there
when you wake up there’s a warmth pressed on top of you and hair in your face
he’s still there and you’re still not sure what his real name is
he says he has to leave soon and his voice is weak
and well, you don’t want him to leave

so one day you wake up and it’s been snowing all night
and it’s freezing and he’s not there
it takes weeks and weeks and you wondered if you dreamed him up
and you want to know why he got in your car
and why you let him get close to you
you still can’t stop thinking even when the world’s asleep

but then its 3 am and you just got to sleep and something crashes through your window
so its him, and he’s soaking wet from the rainstorm outside
he crawls into your bed and you say ‘took your time’
and you can feel him smile into your neck and he whispers so only you can hear him
‘i went away but then i remember you and i came running back’

Circular in motion,
but not in body.
Many have lost the gleam in their eye
that denoted it.
Many more havens are left untouched
.../by a bleak bystander's world.
Try as I might I cannot know whether I had it in the first place.

The relationship I used to have lasted over a year.
The whole time, it was one sided.
I'm never felt more neglected, hurt, taken advantaged of, and inferior,
Now that I haven't contacted him for two weeks,
And he's begging for attention,
Makes me feel empowered for once.