Sam Conrad: Favorites

Feb 2014 Sam Conrad

Sue K Connally

Here I am thinking

What have I become?

Is this me, Was it me before?

I'm exhausted by the constant adding up

-multiplying the times I have had to reassess

Where am I in this maze..

I feel the certainty chip away as the people I love wilt and disappear

The knowledge I once held close I lay down next to their once comforting words

Nothing is definite
Fact is a state of Illusion
Am I alright with this?

I once declared.. "I thrive on chaos"
I now search for comfort within it, and hold on tight to my own prospects

Is this really who I have become?
What do I fear? .. Measurement(?)

Those who are adding up their own multiples(?)

Me
As I look myself over in the mirror
judging.. assessing the weight of each insult

Who cares?
Do I? How can I find contentment in all of these flaws
My lack of effort
My lack of effort to conform to ideals .. is this part of me, a rebellion of sort

Will it pay off in the long run or will I fall flat on my face in the abyss of conformity

I am lucky I am loved. I think

oh so lucky .. luck is temporary, it's all temporary
that's the good part(!) We don't have to dwell but(!) might we have to Answer

To Pay.. for all decisions and outcomes.
Is this why(?)

..I know I am not the only one thinking..

Feb 2014 Sam Conrad

Love You Too Much

Feb 2014 Sam Conrad

Emily

Love You Too Much

Even though we don't talk
Even though we're not on good terms
I'd still defend you to the death
And I'd never be against you
You see...
I didn't leave because I don't love you
I left because I love you too much

i wrote this in december of last year, on the 12th, actually. and it still applies. it's ******* sad.

© Mela 2014

Feb 2014 Sam Conrad

Hurting

Feb 2014 Sam Conrad

Emily

Hurting

I will always, always, always be broken hearted over the failure of us
I don’t know why we can’t be friends
I don’t know why we can’t be lovers
But for some reason, it isn’t in the cards
There is no “we”
There is no “us”
And it breaks me to think that there never was
I don’t think I will ever recover from this
The pain will just get easier to deal with
Right now, I am feeling numb
I can’t devote any emotion to anyone
I don’t even have a heart
It’s in a million pieces
Lying on the ground
Waiting for what used to make it whole
And that was you
But you are gone
And you don’t wish for me
You just want me to leave you be
And that hurts
More than any word
Or any poem
Could ever express

Feb 2014 Sam Conrad

Forever my love

Feb 2014 Sam Conrad

Sampson

Forever my love

Nothing left for me to say
I refuse to hurt you
But you're love reaches many, my love is selfish
I can feel you miss her
I know why you cry
A part of me Is glad it's not me
The other part sees the severity of this
I wish I made you feel those passions
But I guess I knew what I was getting into
I never should have expected you to only love me, let alone love me most
My heart is so empty and cold
And yours grows And expands white warmth and cant seem to shrivel in the cold, leaving you empty
As your tears pour and your soul aches I only wish I could mend it
My heart is broken for you and myself because I can never be her,
And I only wish I could make you forget with my love
My heart hates her for what she did. And I wish you could be happy with her where your heart belongs
Life is a cruel game sometimes you can't help who you love and I know she would choose me if she had the choice, but love is not a choice
Sometimes I wish her passions were as innocent as mine and I was the only person in her heart
Her love is bigger than I, it is bigger than she understands and I put no blame on her for loving another
I don't Deserve her heart as a whole
What love have I given to have it ?
I've always beloved you must pay it foreword
My dear Emily I fear your love and admire it so, your depth is why I love you so, so unlike me ,so beautiful
If I could only see you love the one who you deserve, and feel the love back
But on a selfish note , Isn't it a tragedy it's not me ?

Jan 2014 Sam Conrad

now i know (there's no hope)

Jan 2014 Sam Conrad

Ja'Mya Kidd

now i know (there's no hope)

you don't even know the pain i feel
when i start to question what is real
i know you're the cause
my lust for you gnaws
its way, through my brain
and i'm here, alone standing
by myself, with tears of understanding
rolling down my cheeks

now i know my bended
heart won't be mended
by your love....
no longer will i cry
or ask for help from up above
i don't blame thee
i blame myself for my insecurities

this time i'm really confused
about what i should do
i have this fear of never being satisfied
i can't find stable happiness,
i've tried and tried
this isn't easy,
i'm the **** of my own joke
i want some affection, this is all i hope

now i know my bended
heart won't be mended
by your love....
no longer will i cry
or ask for help from up above
and i'll live my life until i die
wondering if i'll ever be satisfied
it's not easy being the **** of your own joke
i want some affection, this is all i hope