i cried.

i think about him
and i think about falling in love with him
a feeling of safety
a feeling of comfort

i think about her
and i think about the whole earth shattering without her
a feeling of movement
a feeling of change

yes we just had a fight  
we stared at each other for hours at a time
but she said nothing

so i put her there
so i never have to write again
and instead ill bottle up these feelings
and become SO BRIGHT
that my laptop screen will look dim at night

remember to never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever
ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever

compare yourself

read today that it matters what color flowers you put in your house
what finger you wear a ring on

and that a low mirror can make you feel like you lost your head

the existential dread i feel is enough for
(two)
lifetimes

and i wasted all my energy typing this out instead of the work i should be finishing

people talk to me and i listen but i might as well be dead
and then they walk away wondering what they just witnessed

i have to remind myself to be honest. if nothing else, be honest. i know you love her, be honest. i know its hard to say no, be honest. only do what you like, be honest. it will forever not be alright, be honest. if its out of touch, be honest. if i want you back, be honest.

and if you're so honest. you better follow through