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7.0k · Nov 2019
thats enough for today
saint Nov 2019
remember to never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever
ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever

compare yourself
1.8k · Sep 2019
Untitled
saint Sep 2019
say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name say my name

please
554 · Feb 2020
i took the second i needed
saint Feb 2020
im glad you waited
but more importantly im glad i took it
saint Feb 2019
and we fall in love
cherries in the groves
lime sugar love
unable to grow

can we take it back
forget what i said
blocked until the next time
left me on read
regret what you said
thought the best time

headache in my chest
text message in your breath
hiding til the next time
creeping on the rest
if you just press send
we’ll forget the flatline
can someone give me a reason
488 · Nov 2018
going dark
saint Nov 2018
writing the pain away
until my soul wont ache

and my sense of humor comes back
and I start seeing color in my day

because this black and white is hurting my eyes
and the lack of energy you're giving me is deceiving
find me here soon
480 · Jan 2020
crash & burn
saint Jan 2020
i will continue to line my playlists one by one
until the list is too long
and i can't tell the year
up from down
your tongue to my throat
cut me in half
and i spill out spotify playlists that will never last
438 · Nov 2019
an online diary of progress
saint Nov 2019
it was freezing cold in my room when i looked out my window and saw you. standing in between trees covered in snow and leftover freeze. the seasons are ******* you when you can't go inside. completely numb i felt nothing outside. my room was a blue, your skin was covered in red. frost bite looks different when you're off your meds.
saint Nov 2019
read today that it matters what color flowers you put in your house
what finger you wear a ring on

and that a low mirror can make you feel like you lost your head
355 · Feb 2020
in my room
saint Feb 2020
texted you at 4am
sat on the kitchen counter and ate my pancakes
hoping to see the screen light up like your face
im so so far away
308 · Nov 2018
golden
saint Nov 2018
big head
bigger moves

can't forget that i did this and you did that

but either way we stay golden
i remember the progress
295 · Nov 2018
please lower your voice
saint Nov 2018
doing the most to make sure people know
how much you do
instead of just doing it

are you really doing that much?
stay off my social
256 · Feb 2019
not you
saint Feb 2019
thinking about the next
not you
not you
not you

thinking about the best
not you not you not you

dont want to hear about it anymore
not you.

no use in staying friends
i guess not
253 · Feb 2020
very specific
saint Feb 2020
i know whats its like to not have the person you want notice what you want but baby im here right now so you better use your hands

and i guess thats why im sharing this with you now

give me what i want
251 · Dec 2018
if not, ill stay with you
saint Dec 2018
if its not there it never will be
and not everything works out like your favorite song
the melodies so precise they take time
and time is of the essence and never for the weak
only the strong
and the stronger
can take the chance on someone
and give it the energy to make it work

the disappointment is never the other person
but rather
that you could've tried harder yourself
what did i do wrong
237 · Nov 2018
pop rocks and lemon drops
saint Nov 2018
twister in the soda
peach in the thighs
lying alone in my room
touch myself to success
soooo cherry
227 · Sep 2020
Untitled
saint Sep 2020
the text was sent, i lit up. another was sent. i turned over to my side and looked at the wall for an extended amount of time. instead of responding i created new ideas in my head. places i would rather spend time in. versions of people that didn't exist, that always understood me. there were some that made me happy, some that made me sad, so sad, i cried. these people weren't real? why did i feel more towards them. i fell back asleep and when i woke up i felt clear headed. i responded to that text. i knew what i wanted.
224 · Jun 2019
if only
saint Jun 2019
and today is rough so i'll leave this here.

would love to talk about it, if i felt you were near.

I wanted to be smooth, and soft around the edges.

instead i sliced through every moment we had together.
i drove around in endless circles
saint Nov 2019
the existential dread i feel is enough for
(two)
lifetimes

and i wasted all my energy typing this out instead of the work i should be finishing

people talk to me and i listen but i might as well be dead
and then they walk away wondering what they just witnessed
saint Dec 2019
were manic on different weekdays
timezones
zones //zone

matching up at the perfect time

i try not to think too hard
173 · Jan 2020
back 4 u
saint Jan 2020
i like you with your clothes off and i like him with his on. i wish it didnt snow so hard in my room.
170 · Feb 2020
im jealous of cameras
saint Feb 2020
i sulk in corners
i take my time

it seems impossible to not write about myself
or the lover that wasted my life

pausing time became my pass time
162 · Nov 2018
baby steps
saint Nov 2018
the next part of my life is just around the corner.
we are staring each other in the face
and shes telling me its time

time to come see how good life can be
one step at a time
162 · Dec 2019
one line too much
saint Dec 2019
always saying one line too much and i wrote this with my yes closed
160 · Feb 2019
the cycle
saint Feb 2019
process is progress is product
working through it
saint Mar 2019
and i didn't even want it
throw it in the trash just to flaunt it

point it out and run it out
talking so loud, turn it down

i used to have a pack
traded it in for a band and then some

no use for all that when your something great
look back and laugh
156 · Nov 2018
rough patch
saint Nov 2018
i still have a long way to go but
you better respect how far I've come

and if you don't
there will be a bigger problem
than the earth's quake
and the shape of your face

because I've grown from flowers  
and turned yellow
take notes
saint Oct 2019
am i afraid to get to close because of what id lose or because of what you'd see

where did my insides go???
152 · Nov 2018
talk about closure
saint Nov 2018
go ahead and figure your life
while i sit back
and tell you all the things that you want to say

now i know that it wont be long
and my fingers can't sit still
let me write your next favorite trend
soooo unoriginal
151 · Jul 2019
im better off alone
saint Jul 2019
waking me up in the middle of the night
so i dont forget that you're there
but i roll over to my side
and ignore you

no one knows you
and im better off alone
pillow talk
147 · Dec 2019
regards,
saint Dec 2019
he said he was

watching svu

but

he never

replied.
145 · May 2020
in lieu
saint May 2020
the more you practice a certain pathway in your brain (i.e. thinking a positive thought instead of a negative one), the easier it gets to just do that action naturally, supposedly.

Supposedly.
144 · Jun 2019
STARTING MY DAY IN ALL CAPS
saint Jun 2019
I WISH I COULD BE GOOD FOR YOU BUT IM NOT
AND I SIT BEHIND THIS SCREEN WAITING FOR YOU TO CATCH ME
BUT YOU WONT

I WANTED TO BE QUIET SO BAD BUT I ENDED UP BEING TOO LOUD
AND MAKING A MESS WITH THESE HANDS
PAINT ON ALL THE WALLS
DREW ON EVERY MOTION OF YOU

IT DIDNT HAVE TO BE THIS SERIOUS
IT DIDNT HAVE TO BE LIKE
141 · May 2019
talking now????
saint May 2019
and im a saint now
you would get it because this was crazy

wanna make something worth it
i will
wanna pray for my peoples
i will
i wanna get there wherever that is
i will

i will say it
137 · Mar 2019
a million tabs open
saint Mar 2019
opening to the good
closing to the past
not forgetting
but giving myself space

I have too many tabs open
for my soul to regulate
dont let it fall over
137 · Nov 2019
no looking back now
saint Nov 2019
i have to remind myself to be honest. if nothing else, be honest. i know you love her, be honest. i know its hard to say no, be honest. only do what you like, be honest. it will forever not be alright, be honest. if its out of touch, be honest. if i want you back, be honest.

and if you're so honest. you better follow through
134 · Nov 2019
no response
saint Nov 2019
lifeless
on my phone
like i was just at home now
but im across the road
in a new state
and now a new life

holding on to what i can
im so unhappy
im

am i enough of that
why do they hate me
why cant words come out of my mouth correctly

im writing this but i don't really even want to hear what you say
130 · Nov 2018
all is well
saint Nov 2018
as long as we keep
floating,
we're drifting
and spinning away

further apart and my hands hurt
if i let go soon
the trees will be bleak
and the sky will bleed the red that runs from my eyes

all forgiven
and we run through the color corrected forest
hoping that this will be over soon
this staircase melody brings me to tears
saint Jan 2019
if you listen
and feel the energy
the world gives you signs
and helps you know
you're doing this right
the eclipse
saint Aug 2019
waited all day for a hard drive that didn't show.
took a moment to think about the fact that I'm not making any money.
feeling okay because i'm scared to write otherwise.
my computer screen is hurting my eyes.

but what if i can?
do this.
people have faith in me and i can't,
blow this.

never an option and that makes me excited.
i just have to figure things out with me.
maybe i have things down on one side
but the other side is a mirror that reflects something i dont like.  

after this i think i might need to get
balanced.
being lopsided and slowly disappearing is a tough combo
saint Nov 2019
because something will happen and ill realize that you're looking out for yourself

and i need to look out for myself
and im running out of time

so im looking out for my worst side and taking the names
instead of the hits


if you notice me take a step back
127 · Jan 2019
the villas on the east
saint Jan 2019
i can see through the window
but you can't see me
under the covers
and out of sight
ill hide in plain daylight
trying to not make a sound
but unsure of what i might overturn
keeping to myself
is the only thing I've learned
its far apart now
125 · Dec 2020
craving doing well
saint Dec 2020
its been a while since i felt that way
saint Oct 2019
curious if i cross your mind? we just started to get to know each other and i already feel like im trying too hard. you wanted me and then i felt it too. but now we haven't talked in a while and im afraid to write you first. maybe if we both ignore it, it never happened. if i brought it up, it never came up. if you say it first, it wasn't a waste of time. but only if you say it first.
saint Dec 2019
MAYBE:

constantly bleeding outside the image because im too much MAYBE

LATER:

walking home in the dark always makes me trip
saint May 2019
i need higher stakes
and clear takes

thought that story was the one but its just practice
good for my soul but still not compared to you

the next phase is in june
hoping you all will just stay tuned
118 · Jul 2019
can you fucking sit up
saint Jul 2019
seems like days get more spaced out or im falling in and out of consciousness and can only remember that the seconds change every hour and the minutes last a month. its been a few years, and judging by my timeline it feels like almost a decade. sometimes i still feel like it might of worked. sometimes i don't remember your name. sometimes i feel it all. it feels so distant its almost feels invalid. how dare the thought even cross my mind. whenever i hear it knocking on my window i slam it shut and the humidity makes me sweat out the sickness. i cant seem to move my arms, my legs, my hands, my head into a new space, into a new person. i can't even ******* sit up.
where is next?
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