i have to remind myself to be honest. if nothing else, be honest. i know you love her, be honest. i know its hard to say no, be honest. only do what you like, be honest. it will forever not be alright, be honest. if its out of touch, be honest. if i want you back, be honest.

and if you're so honest. you better follow through

it was freezing cold in my room when i looked out my window and saw you. standing in between trees covered in snow and leftover freeze. the seasons are ******* you when you can't go inside. completely numb i felt nothing outside. my room was a blue, your skin was covered in red. frost bite looks different when you're off your meds.

INT PURGATORY

A room full of well dressed NYU kids that are all A & Rs, models, artists, and film students chat in a the corner. Buzz cuts everywhere. The spotify pollen playlist plays on repeat.

A point and shoot rises and FLASH. You've made it to a scene where well dressed and well connected kids think they know everything in the world. They think their parents money gives them a vision. And the number of monthly listeners that the data brought in actually means something.

If you try to say something about that tho, you're blocked by the deciders of the culture. So you better work for free and give them all your ideas so their shallow lifestyles don't seem so wishy washy.

After all? You need the connections and exposure pays the bills now!

i like you and it feels like
i don't know how to form the shape of a letter
and the word forms took too long to sound out
so i nodded in your direction
and looked at you so intensely  
only hoping you'd get the message

if you watched through a window of my life
youd see me trying so hard to figure out what is real and fake
that i missed the point completely
that all that really matters is what i make
and what i like
and what i feel

because i feel so deeply people think its a joke
its too hard to even speak of because whenever i try my facetime freezes

and this poor connection is upsetting

am i afraid to get to close because of what id lose or because of what you'd see

where did my insides go???

I saw the way you looked at me and remembered that I MUST be that small, as small as you see me!