she blamed it all
from roots to stars
said,
i've been *******
from the very start of this
sorry death wish
of a chance

she hated rain
she cursed the sun
said,
i really coulda been someone
if my chips weren't cashed
my cards weren't stacked
against
me
before i was even

here on this
wrong
planet
i've been
dropped off
to
die on
this
wrong
planet

and die is what she did.

reds and greens filter your skin
along with
blues and reds
the glares, the horns, the rap music
roaring through this ripped leather
bench
i keep the window up
but you're the opposite
i keep my eyes on
the traffic lights
and siren lights
flitting on your skin
i burn it all into my head
as the city cracks and whips
by like
wildfire

I wake up in the ward again
With film over my feet
And wires in my hair
And God's eyes on the ceiling
They call them cameras
But they lie like dogs in
Places like these
And I am sleepy
So I let them

I wake up with a hornet
In my my elbow, a brick
As my tongue
And a name on
My lips
That sounds like
My own
If I scream it long
Enough

I wake up in restraints again
And it's the same again
Except
I don't question it
Why I'm here and what I've done
Because
God winks at me, reminding me
That I don't want to know
No, I don't want to know that
I have finally made it
Home

I tend to think highly of
Unconventional ways to leave

I put the stones in my pockets
And rocked myself to sleep
I kept the stones in my pockets
And waltzed on out to sea

But the stones made holes
And brusied my feet
Before I could wander
Out too deep
I'm in over this ocean in my head
But I've had holes in my pockets
Since I stole my first breath

So I stitched them up, I'm sinking now
But I mended them
Upside down
And I'm not strong enough
To not swim back to shore

But I've lived long enough
To think highly of
Unconventional ways to go
So I'm skipping all these stones

And going home