i hit myself again
head to wall
knuckles to sand bag

i smoked too much again
dabs and backwoods
it was fun to hide in

i cursed myself again
spit to mirror
what a stupid, stupid girl

i ran too fast again
skin to pavement
it was fun to faint in

i lied to them again
didn't mean to, i'll do better
'til I can hit and smoke and curse and run
all I want to.

I'll see you through past Winter's end
Wisps of frost to tempt me in
A frozen breeze may hold me still
Where nothing lies, and nothing will.

I fought for love through suffering
Forced to lose for fear I'd win
Hope lost its lure by Winter's end
And yet I'll find you once again.
·
I'll meet you in Spring's finest song
A haze of fortunes there and gone,
Where flowers taint the frigid truth
I beg my heart remembers you.

Thunder fades, storms pass along,
The winds die down, but I'll rage on
I'll dance away Spring's sweetest song
And dance again, once it's done.
·
I'll meet you along Summer's edge
The days will sink, but I won't rest
I'll melt beneath the bitter skies
Desperate for my thoughts to lie.

I'll strike a dream to frighten doom
Still destined to lose sight of you.
While crossing over Summer's edge
I beg my heart to dare forget.
·
I'll see you after Autumn's run
Between the leaves, against the sun
In a trance of comfort growing cold
Held apart, without a peace to hold.

To save what's due to lose its worth
For the sake of love, freed from hurt
But I'll fail to alter Autumn's run
With a wish I risked to waste on us.
·
If I close my eyes, I'll see it now
Regardless of what fate allows
Forced to fight and sworn to win
I've learned to love through suffering.

Breathing as the seasons sigh
Forging ways through changing times.
I close my eyes, I see you now-

            It is here that I first saw you,
And loved you through a thousand ends.
          It is here that I last lost you,
And yet I'll find you once again.

I was nothing if not distraught
Russet and frail, my youth streamed lies
He was anything but a loss

Brown splishing eyes and chaos caught
Tight in the tipsy bows I plied
I was nothing, if not distraught

Wrecked as we were, while I forgot
Heart in his throat, I made it mine
He was anything but a loss.

Beckon me back, claim me as frost
Slight, on the brink of stolen tides
I am nothing if not distraught.

Weak as I stood, I still cannot
Lean on the love who fleetes with prime
He was anything but a loss.

Black preened his eyes, n' I just watched
Lacking water, we sunk in pride
I was nothing if not distraught.
He was all, all I ever I lost.

There was a time I remembered
Billowing blinks, yet still i saw
Those were the worst; minute's embers.

Oh the faces of the withered
Charcoal and chalk, but aren't we all?
Those were the worst; autumn's embers

Old ghoulish grove, did I quiver?
Or free the fox from where he clawed?
There was a time I remembered.

Odes to ice rung by crossed fingers
Once was a first, and thrice too far
Those were the worst; seconds' embers.

Have I a spark to crown as clever?
Brazen and jeweled, did that queen fall?
There was a time I remembered.

These ashes I beg to hinder
Don't taint the ticks on chambered walls
There'll come a time I'll remember.
I was the worst; always embers.